hiccups~

Assalamualaikum..

lately so many life changing, fortunate and unfortunate events happens in my life.. our school have two weeks break since 1st nov.. since then, my life become upside down. it was like, i didn't know what the hell am gonna do when i didn't go to work..
besides, the house works is endless, rase macam tak abis2 dok basuh baju, lipat baju basuh pinggan.. it's never stop.. hummm~~ then it's continue with Aidiladha, when the unfortunate event occured.. i had a very bad experience of KEMALANGAN JALAN RAYE.. it was my cousin who drove the car.. he fall asleep when he was driving and hit a car at tepi jalan then meluncur masuk gaung.. ya Allah, aku ingat mati je time tuh.. tapi Alhamdullah sume org selamat.. kecuali kerete aku yg terkorban, badly injured..



memandangkan sume org selamat, cume syakira je yg injured dekat kepale, hari raye pun disambut secare sederhana dengan care berjalan kaki dan menumpang kerete org.. Alhamdulillah, aidiladha still lagi meriah...



after 5 days kat kg.. berjaye jugak balik kl, tumpang cousin, kak nurul.. selepas beberape hari, hujung minggu menjelma lagi.. dan anak bujang ku berjaye menamatkan pengajian 6 tahun di tadika An-Nur.. haiz~ kejap je mase berlalu..



dan malamnyer pulak ade IIS annual dinner kat Crowne Plaza Hotel.. berjaye membawa pulang hadiah cabutan bertuah berupa sebuah kipas meja.. hehe.. Alhamdulillah...



and last but not least.. a fortunate news.. we expecting our third child now.. and hopefully this time wold be a lady.. InshaAllah.. i know, it is unexpected pregnancy.. tapi nak buat macam mane, aku redha je ketentuan Tuhan.. lagipun, anak itukan rezeki.. maybe rezeki aku bukannye wang ringgit, tapi dikurniakan anak2 yg comel2 dan sihat sempurna.. doakan aku jadi ibu yg baik k..
off to bed now.. may tommorrow is better than today.. may Allah bless us..
wassalam..

Ramadhan..

lotsa rare & different things happened during this Ramadhan..
my life routine 275 degree change.. it's all because of my new school..
new scheduled, new subjects, new students and everything is new..
and just now, i have a small argument with my older sons, sampai die nak pack baju lari dari rumah.. part of it, it's my fault.. maybe because of my frustration towards my life now, i let out through my anger towards him.. i was hand him just now, coz he's 'jentik nonot adik die'.. of coz i mad, it's really hurt when u pinch boys private part.. n i was full with anger then i hit him n spank him.. n he hate it so much sampai nak lari dr rumah.. MasyaAllah~.. what I have done sampai die benci macam tuh skali kat aku.. what kind of mother I am..? I really wanna be a better mother.. InsyaAllah, God give me guidance.. waAllahualam..

Alhamdulillah.. again..

Segala puji bagi Allah.. my life is getting better each day.. yeah, but of coz they will be up and down..
well, it's my second day at new school.. so, 'Ah lan wasahlam' International Islamic School.. hehe
of coz, am glad that i make a right decision to leave Sri Utama. Coz here is far better than there, the only thing i miss is my form 3B kids..
whatever it is, I am happier here.. yeay!
Walaubagaimanapun..
the only thing that makes me down is whenever i think about my debt. lotsa debt.. haiyaa.. I really can't control myself when it come to spend the money.
susah gile nak kontrol. so skarang ni nak kene cari jalan clear kan debt, coz i need to buy a new laptop. humm.. macam mane ar..
kalo nak buat tuition, memang dah tak larat dah, coz my current school is getting far from my house.. no time for tuition. humm..
well, may God murahkan rezeki bebanyak.. Aaamiin..
memikirkan upcoming raye.. memikirkan sume org showing off with Coach, CK, Micheal Korrs handbags.. how about me? -_-" banyak sgt temptation.
tension. takpela.. jgn lupe diri.. kite ni hutang dah banyak, sedarlah diri sikit yek..hehe

lame jugak ye~

lame jugak ye tak singgah sini..
sebenarnye agak malas. tapi rase cam nak blogging..
actually, there are a lot of things play in my mind now. I don't know which one should i drop first.

well.. about guitar.. i stop learning guitar bout two months now, coz am not sure playing guitar is halal or not..
and besides the tight schedule of having tuition each day.. I think from today am gonna continue my lesson back after reading a few facts and fatwa that most people misunderstood. Things become haram when we are starting to ignore all of our kewajiban to Allah and start to do all the haram things like drinking and zina every time or once we play guitar. I feel it's a huge relief, coz I really want to play guitar since i was little.. tho it may sound ridiculous but, yup.. i want to play guitar... ok besides guitar, one more thing that i wanna do badly... photography.. I really wanna be the person to capture all the special moment instantly and wanna look at the world differently behind the lense..
I almost buy the camera last friday, but i was kind of hesitated, coz we have lotsa debt, why should I waste my money for something unuseful for us, why don't I jez use the money to clear out our debt. btul tak? so, dengan hati yg pemurah, I gave RM1100 of my saving this month to him and all I ask him in return.. "I jez want u to treat me better.." .. and guess what.. he did.. not... we are supposed to go out..mmmm.. well.. let him be.. I'm just tired to whine up about him.. only God's know how I feel.. I give my best, if he just don't know how to appreciate it,then, let it be.. sooner or later, he will realize it.. and me, I jez berserah dekat Tuhan..

But..

at this moment, somehow I feel bless.. looking back at myself right before I was pregnant with Asyraf.. I was a total bitch.. yup.. I was.. maybe all those hiccups am having now are the pembalasan for all the bad stuffs I did before.. so, for God sake, I will bersabar and redha with his ujian. When I facebook, am always feeling jealous of other people wealth, beauty and other things.. but when I think back, behind all those beauty and wealth, u never know what happen with them.. they also like me, jez put on all those things that look good, I mean jez simply showing off.. betul tak? yup, I know 90% of us did that jez for the sake of showing off.. and there are also for good cause, but mostly, what do u think? I know there's a friend who damn rich, drive a fancy car, good looks, hot looking husband, but in the end.. the marriage is nothing but just a plain obligation to a cheating husband.. the moral of the story, we did judge book by it's cover, but if we don't read beyond the cover, we don't know what's the real stories behind the beautiful graphic pic.. well.. my point is, i'll never know, eventually my life is better than anyone else who seems to have everything in their life.. so, I should bersyukur for whatever things I have with me now.. I have a lovable family (tho he seems to hurt me alot.. I know he never mean it and he loves me much.. that's the only thing keep me stay beside him..), I got friends, good friends or just friends, got a job that I passionate about and basically everything is find now.. Thank You Allah..

so..
all I need to do now..
look forward..
chase my dream..
be bold..
and banyakkan bersyukur...

Alhamdulillah..

a place to call home..

am jealous. Jealous of my friends that manage to buy a place to call 'their own house' before hit thirty. I used to promise myself that by thirty, am already have a fine house and a big comfy car.. but.. umm.. it seems so far now. and guess what, am already 29..hahaha. i'm that old babe. oklah, I need to hit the ground and observe, where I am now? how bout next year? next 5 years? 10 years? man.. it's kinda of scary to know where I've been now. Instead of saving money, am end up having more debt. damn me. really can't control my inner child.gtg. asyraf is attacking..arghhh~~~

Alhamdulillah~

Alhamdulillah.. segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan semesta alam..
life's getting better and happier.
when u start to look at your life in different way, and have faith to Him, InsyaAllah everything will work out just fine..

well, actually i can't wait for the grad nite. hehe. a nite to have an excellent dinner and have a really good time. Besides, am also gonna receive a clean RM400 nett for my hard works and my students hard work for getting As in Maths and Pure Maths. mmm~ Can't wait. Btw, am thinking of buying a new dress for that nite, but.. why should i waste my money for just one stupid evening, better save for better things, like.. bayar balik ptptipu.. ok gak..

Anyway, am totally broke rite now. All my money use to pay babysitter, give to Ummi, give to hubby, bayar kutu, installment n broadband.. total up, RM1630.. luckily, this month, am got more tuition, so more money come in.. Alhamdulillah.. well, talking about money, it seems never enough.. always got plan to use money, all the desire of buying new handbags, new shoes, new laptop, new sofa and all the new things that seems endless.. haiz~ nafsu.. the uncontrollable NAFSU..
I'm trying to be careful for what I'm doing now days , so i don't wanna regret it later. I've been doing soul searching (beside searching for a better job.. and better job means better school lah). What I wannna do in my life and so on. I was getting confuse sometimes, but when I start to surrender all my faith, trust and my heart to Almighty God, slowly,everything seems clearer and surprisingly a calm mind, heart and soul.. I do wish sometimes that I could turn back time, and be as matured as I am today. So I don't have to live in regret and got a better life than I am today. But, what's the point anyway, what's gone is gone. If I'm not been through what I've been through before, I wouldn't be the same person as I am now.. I wouldn't be this strong, this calm, this matured and this bless.. rite?
I'm really sorry for my mistakes, sorry for my stupidity, so sorry if I hurt so many people who care about me before, I'm so sorry.. but deep down, I have changed.. better.. but still I know, it's ain't enough.. there's still pretty lot of room to improve myself... yeah.. InsyaAllah..