Wednesday, June 25, 2008

stop worrying..

i wanna stop worrying for something impossible..
coz now, i have to start thinking how am gonna move on..
do something in my life.
thanx to him, coz he change my mind perspective.
dream big.. and make a plan to grab the opportunity.
so in future, you can have what you've been dreaming of.
have some faith in yourself and God..
InsyaAllah.. things will be working out jez the way you want..
sounds easy, but i know it's not that simple.
but if u jez dream and stay at the same spot, you won't go anywhere also..
so take a small step ahead, and be gradually move forward..
before i realize this..
am also the one who love to dream big..
but i keep making excuse i can't do this, do that..
basically, i was going nowhere..
remember the song, Stop & Stare by One Republic

"Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
can u see what I see"

that song, really remind me of what i am now..
i feel like i move on..
but sadly, i am at the same spot for years..
i think, this is really the time that i should take a small step ahead..
look and move forward..
best of luck to me..
and a big gratitude for those special persons in my life..
for hunky, for being my soulmate..
for aiman, my sugar candy
for friends who always be there for me..
thanx babes, for everything..
and to God.. for the blessing and a good life..

be love

when i'm growing old..
i wanna be a parent who is lovable and being adored and loved so much by my kid..
i don't wanna make it hard to make them to love me..
you must wondering why in the world am saying such thing..?
it is because..

i have a father that it is so *u**ing hard to love him..
because part of me, i hate him so much..
the other part of me realize, no matter what or how sux he could be..
i have to show sum love and give so much respect to him..
but how the hell i can give him for something he don't deserve..
after all those thing he did to me and my family..
after he screw everyone's life..
everyone, mean everyone..
myself, my mom, my brother, my grandparets, my pakcik, my makcik, my cousins..
everyone ok.. every single person who know him..
that's why, am barely talking bout my dad..
n i don't wanna introduce him to anyone..
coz am afraid as if, in near future he's gonna screw your life too..

am not trying to 'membuka pekung di dada' or what..
it is jez that, he really let me down..
and make me so hard to love him..
and the worst part is, he never realize how he has hurt so many people..
people who used to love him and care about him..
and the love they had, has turn into hate..
me as his daughter, i'm suffered like hell..
and can u imagine what's my mom feeling for being his wife..
well, i couldn't imagine myself in my mom shoes..


so.. anyone..
anyone out there who read this..
when you're getting older..
and have a kids..
am begging..
please don't be someone like..
someone like i mention above..
be a good parent to your kids..
love them unconditionally..
and make them love you the way you are..
i vow to myself, i wanna be nothing like my father..
nothing like him..
i do love him, coz for God sake, he's my dad!
but.. it's hurt.. it's damn hurt..
to have a father like him..
i wish he would realize his mistake..
and stop screwing anyone's life...
stop screwing my life..
please stop it, abah..

Thursday, June 19, 2008

dipping the carbonara

carbonara at that cafe is so setap tahap cipan..
makes me feel full like hell..

i jez finish watching the sisterhood of traveling pant

muvi ni sangat best..
thos its all about 17years ol teenage..
but for me it's kinda inspiring and sweet..
ok, lemme brief u what's that muvi is all about..

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants brings to the screen Ann Brashares’ best-selling novel about one very special summer in the lives of four lifelong friends.

Introduced as babies who were born to mothers who met in a prenatal aerobics class, the four grew up together and developed an enduring bond despite their distinctly different emerging personalities. Now, after years of sharing every triumph and loss, every wild idea and secret fear with the laughter and love of true friends, these four young women couldn’t be closer… except that they’re about to be separated as their lives take them in different directions for the first time.

Introspective and occasionally volatile Carmen (AMERICA FERRERA) is looking forward to spending quality time with her out-of-state dad, whom she hasn’t seen much since he divorced her mother years ago; super-confident star athlete Bridget (BLAKE LIVELY) is heading for a soccer camp in Mexico; soft-spoken Lena (ALEXIS BLEDEL), a gifted artist as beautiful as her drawings, is set to discover her heritage – and an unexpected romance – on a trip to her grandparents’ home in Greece; and sharp-witted rebel Tibby (AMBER TAMBLYN) will reluctantly remain in town, stocking shelves at the local discount store while working on her pet project, a video “suckumentary” to expose what she sees as the banality of everyday life.

On a shopping trip together the day before their paths diverge, the friends find a pair of thrift-shop jeans that amazingly fits and flatters each one of them perfectly, even though they are four young women of very different shapes and sizes. It seems these pants are meant for sharing and that gives Carmen, Bridget, Lena and Tibby a wonderful idea. They decide to use the pants as a way of keeping in touch during the months ahead, each one wearing them for a week to see what luck they bring before mailing them on to the next.

In this unique way, though miles apart, the four still experience the challenges and surprises of life as they always have – together – in a summer they’ll never forget.

ok, the sypnosis above is jez a copy n paste from the official site..
and dalam muvi ni, ade america farera, the ugly betty..
ade amber tamblyn, the chic from desperate housewives (bree's slutty daughter) and alexis bledel from gilmore girls..
from sypnosis, citer tuh sound very cliche n predictable..
tapi, for me.. it's kinda inspiring..
it makes me realize, sometimes we have to look the world in some different ways and different view..
sometime, the real big problem is jez a really small matter to the other person, but for you, it is like going to be the end of the world..
sebab tulah, kekadang we need to be very optimist, evaluate every single thing we do in our life..
bab kate orang, muhasabah diri..
so barulah kite bleh, live life to the fullest.. tul tak?
what i am crapping about..? aku pun tak tau..
but, the muvi really makes me stop n think what am i doing with my life now..?

so baby, i jez can't wait for the sisterhood of traveling pants 2..

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

stop.. n staring..

am kinda jez staring at my path now..
and feeling empty..
life is so normal, and very routine..
and it's bored me to hell..
my brain stoned, i jez do nothing and keep thinking, what am gonna do now..
i need to do sumthing..
and what crossing my mind now..
is rock..
rock climbing..

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

work out

i wanna start to work out again..
yaa, i did start yesterday, but today..
i wanna start work out, to shape my ass and to get my biceps back like 4 years ago..
so am gonna look more gorgeous and plus more confident..
n am gonna be so sewonok..

last month, not attending Ain's wedding makes me guilty like hell..
die dah laa attend aku nyer wedding dulu, jauh dr KL ke klantan plak tuh..
ni, umah die dekat wangsa maju pun aku tak attend..
am not attend it coz, die takde msg aku ke ape ke..
tuh cam aku buat senyap jek..
tapi rase bersalah ar plak..

and today, am not sure what am gonna do to add more spark to my day..
beside the regular workload, am not sure what a retard stupid i can do..
lets figure out sumthing k..

Friday, June 06, 2008

getting skinny

guess what, aku telah berjaya menjadi agak skinny..
mane tak berjaye nyer, hari2 makan skali sari jek..
mesti ar kurus.. huuumm..
but the bad news is, all my jeans are getting loosen..
huhu, tak best coz only got one jeans yg muat2..
yg lain sume dah terlondeh..
terpakse beli baru..

my mood today kinda ok, but being alone here..
freezing my brain..
so i need to find sumthing can stimulate my mind..
tapi masalahnyer..
aku sangat malas...