be love

when i'm growing old..
i wanna be a parent who is lovable and being adored and loved so much by my kid..
i don't wanna make it hard to make them to love me..
you must wondering why in the world am saying such thing..?
it is because..

i have a father that it is so *u**ing hard to love him..
because part of me, i hate him so much..
the other part of me realize, no matter what or how sux he could be..
i have to show sum love and give so much respect to him..
but how the hell i can give him for something he don't deserve..
after all those thing he did to me and my family..
after he screw everyone's life..
everyone, mean everyone..
myself, my mom, my brother, my grandparets, my pakcik, my makcik, my cousins..
everyone ok.. every single person who know him..
that's why, am barely talking bout my dad..
n i don't wanna introduce him to anyone..
coz am afraid as if, in near future he's gonna screw your life too..

am not trying to 'membuka pekung di dada' or what..
it is jez that, he really let me down..
and make me so hard to love him..
and the worst part is, he never realize how he has hurt so many people..
people who used to love him and care about him..
and the love they had, has turn into hate..
me as his daughter, i'm suffered like hell..
and can u imagine what's my mom feeling for being his wife..
well, i couldn't imagine myself in my mom shoes..

hummmm....

so.. anyone..
anyone out there who read this..
when you're getting older..
and have a kids..
am begging..
please..
please don't be someone like..
someone like i mention above..
be a good parent to your kids..
love them unconditionally..
and make them love you the way you are..
i vow to myself, i wanna be nothing like my father..
nothing like him..
i do love him, coz for God sake, he's my dad!
but.. it's hurt.. it's damn hurt..
to have a father like him..
i wish he would realize his mistake..
and stop screwing anyone's life...
stop screwing my life..
please stop it, abah..