Thursday, July 29, 2004

teknik rebonding

I don’t feel ok again.. last nite I spent time with my husband.. I luv him so much.. humm.. n now I’m already miss him like hell… huuuuuuuuuuuu……

Yesterday, I went to saloon, straightening my hair.. tapi tak lawa sangat laa.. akak yg slalu buat aku nyer rambut tuh dah quit.. bapuk name janet yg buat, die buat keje cam malas2 jek.. hampeh.. skarang aku tgh tunggu turn nak mandi.. cam sial ar kolej ni, dah dekat 2 buklan air takde.. takgune tul.. nak mandi basuh baju pun leceh.. kene tunggu turn.. dah laa kene mandi wajib.. smlm romen.. arggghhh.. tension. Macam nie laa rase, kalo mandi wajib2 lambat2.. serabut.. mesti rase tak best coz dah termiss smayang brape waktu dah.. urrgghhh… I feel depresss.. where’s my sugar.. I want him.. I want him…

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

it's my life...

U can lie to other people.. but u jez cannot lie to urself..
I try to tell the whole world that I’m ok.. my life is great.. I’m getting better..
But what the lies beneath.. that I’m suffering so much..
Why…..?
I love my husband so much.. but each day.. I find more more n more things in him that I hate.. sometimes I lose my respect to him.. I jez can’t help myself.. I don’t know.. I can’t help it..!
I jez meet him a few minutes ago.. we have a lil missunderstood n end up both of us crying..I have said something that hurt him.. I know he has sacrifice lotsa things to make me happy.. he’s working like crazy.. giving up his football stuff even though I know football is his life.. but he’s willing to give up everything jez for me.. but I can’t sacrifice everything for us like the way he do.. why? I don’t know.. maybe I’m still selfish n stubborn jez like before.. he said to me, his life is happier after we get married.. but to me, my life is getting worst after I marry him.. the baby, my final year study, money, friends n everything.. everything is getting out of my way.. I can’t see my future.. even my near future..
it doesn’t mean I’m giving up.. but I’m jez lose my grip a lil bit.. what he’s doing is not enough to me.. I’m still suffering.. it doesn’t make me happier.. it’s jez make me more suffer.. I try to say this to him.. but I know, what I’m trying to say is jez make him hurt more n more.. I’ve got more egos than him.. I don’t wanna people look at me as a loser.. I want people look at me as a strong person.. even deep down in me, I’m soo weak..
I don’t like the way he speak.. when he comes up with any idea, he gets so excited.. than.. later, all the things he said is out of nowhere.. that’s what makes me.. urm.. u know.. sorry I jez can’t say the words..
he still thinking n acting like a lil boy.. sorry I’m saying this my dear.. n jez now, his big sis jez return from Bangkok n she had said lotsa things n give him lotsa advices.. she said something about the baby, that how we gonna keep the baby.. who gonna take care the baby when both of us go to our classes.. n lots.. lotsa things.. then he feel a lil bit insecure, n then said that ‘betul jugak ape yg akak die cakap’.. my God! How dare he’s saying that! Becoz he’s the one who really want to keep the baby at the 1st place, n he’s the one who wanna get married at the 1st place.. don’t he think bout this before.. before he decided to keep this lovely baby.. I feel sooo retarded..
God help me!
n now.. I have decided.. whatever happen, whatever how fuck up my life would be, I don’t care how much I suffer, or how long I would be in misery.. I jez redha.. redha everything.. I give it up all my faith to God.. and I.. I promise myself.. I won’t regret anything that I have done, I won’t regret anything had happened to my life.. I will accept it as the way it could be.. promise..
n please God.. give Your blessing to us.. help us to find the right path.. please my God..
I’m begging You… Aaaamiinnnn….


Tuesday, July 27, 2004

takde air.. bongok laa..

Hampeh tul.. air takde.. leceh ar.. aku nak berak pun susah.. maleh nak tadah air..
Tadi pun mandi kat sinki dapur.. berkemban.. tapi best ar gak mandi berkemban skali skale.. skang nak terkencing lak.. adui..

I change my blog skin.. soo feminine rite.. I jez can't fine the good one.. this one is the best I could find for now.. saje jek nak tukar skin.. coz if u wanna start a new life, u better start from the beginning n change slowly, rite..
For now, I realize I started to talk seriously.. tak best gak slalu cakap bende2 serius.. cakap bende2 ngarut skali skale best gak.. tapi sangap ar skang.. takde membe nak cakap bende2 ngarut..

Tadi gi buat kad jemputan.. lambat gile buat.. nyesal aku tak buat awal2..
Dah laa bapak mahal lak tuh.. membazir jek.. sib baik kawin skali sumur idup jek..
Kalo tak bankrap sebab buat kad kawin jek.. dah laa kecik seciput lak tuh..
Takpelaa.. janji ade.. kire ok ar..

Sok nak gi buat teknik rebonding.. yeayea.. nanti aku nampak cantek..
Heheh.. best.. best.. zetty yg cantek.. muahahahaahaha….
Huh, kalo bukan aku nak puji diri sdiri sape gi nak puji.. laki aku memang ar ari2 cakap aku cun.. aku dah lali ar.. tapi takpe.. as long as die stay rase aku cun, bagus laa..
Oklaa weh.. tak tahan.. nak gi berak.. urgghhhh…

Monday, July 26, 2004

It's been awhile rite..
Last Saturday I met ain.. we haven't seen each other so many years..
I'm damn glad to see u again kiddo..
Reminisce our old time together.. huhu.. so fun n sweet to remember..
N it's really nice of u to offer such helps..
millionzz of thanx from me n my lil family.. 4 everything..
mmuaahhh!!!

My life's getting better now..
Sugar working like crazy..
U dun have to work that hard luv..
Pls dun push urself.. I'm worried so much..
N my baby boo's getting bigger.. it's almost 14 weeks now..
I heard a bad news today, my sister-in-law miscarriage..
So sorry 4 her.. mesti rase sedih gile kan.. 1st baby dah miscarriage..
I hope my baby won't leave me b4 he's born.. n my ummi dun have to worry so much coz she's still have another grand kid, my baby boo.. luv u baby..

I miss my sugah so much.. 4 three days berkepit ngan die, tetibe ari ni langsung tak dapat tgk muke die.. make me a lil bit suffer.. n I'm crying a lot coz missing him so much..
Can't wait to be with him again.. huuuuuuuu… I want my hubby.. gimme my hubby… I want him.. I want… I want..

There's lotsa things need to settle that cause lotsa money..
1. transfer money to ummi
2. call my supervisor, Dr.Nik
3. tempah kad kahwin (kajang) - rm100
4. collect Mykad (kajang) - rm100
5. go to hair saloon - rm130
6. top up - rm30

hoping my life will get better, better n better..
not only my life, but also my whole family will always in great wonderful life.. insyAllah..
n I wanna change slowly to be a better person..
someone that more matured, more kindhearted, more hardworking n more doing good deeds..
I used to be lazy like a pig, stupid like a cow, n slut like bitch..
muwhahahahhahaha… hikhik
I dun wanna be like that anymore..
God help me..
Aaaaamiinnnnn…

Thursday, July 01, 2004

wutta life!!!

getting a bit bz wif my life.. tapi nothing's has been settle lately.. n now i jez wasting my time at lab.. waiting for the next class at 2pm.. hohuuuuu.. malasnyer.. n tonite kene spending nite kat umah maktuk.. biaselaa malam jumaat.. malam mesti romen..heheheheh.. i am fucking lazy now.. kalo bleh nak lepak2 jek memanjang n catch a muvi ke.. kemas bilik yg macam tongkang yg bukan setakat pecah,tapi hancuss.. malam ni ma hubby nak jumpe his ex.. mc ngoh.. nak antar pc that gal yg my hubby pakai mase cuti ari tuh..
well..my hubby?
erm.. i am married now.. no kidding..
aku kawin lari kat Pattani..
gile!?
huh!
memang gile.. tapi serously thrill..
nak buat camner.. our parents nak amuk ke, amuk laa..
kitarang dah slamat kawin..
gile kan..
aku pun tak ready gi nak jadik bini org..
tapi..tapelaa..
dah ade org yg willing nak spend the rest of his life ngan aku..
well,that's good for me.. mane nak carik org yg truly madly in luv ngan kite,pastuh kawin lak ngan kite..
huh,ingat senang ke..
for the time being..
aku memang bahagia tak ingat..
bahagia tahap cipan ke lapan..
tapi sampai bile..?
that's the God's job..
jez pray for me k..
that i'm gonna live happily ever n after..
jez like shrek n princess fiona..
they'r ugly..but they luv each other for who they are..
jez like us..ops not really.. coz we'r beautiful n luv each other..
nyyyeeeeehahahahhahaha...
i luv u pa!