Saturday, April 02, 2011

lame jugak ye~

lame jugak ye tak singgah sini..
sebenarnye agak malas. tapi rase cam nak blogging..
actually, there are a lot of things play in my mind now. I don't know which one should i drop first.

well.. about guitar.. i stop learning guitar bout two months now, coz am not sure playing guitar is halal or not..
and besides the tight schedule of having tuition each day.. I think from today am gonna continue my lesson back after reading a few facts and fatwa that most people misunderstood. Things become haram when we are starting to ignore all of our kewajiban to Allah and start to do all the haram things like drinking and zina every time or once we play guitar. I feel it's a huge relief, coz I really want to play guitar since i was little.. tho it may sound ridiculous but, yup.. i want to play guitar... ok besides guitar, one more thing that i wanna do badly... photography.. I really wanna be the person to capture all the special moment instantly and wanna look at the world differently behind the lense..
I almost buy the camera last friday, but i was kind of hesitated, coz we have lotsa debt, why should I waste my money for something unuseful for us, why don't I jez use the money to clear out our debt. btul tak? so, dengan hati yg pemurah, I gave RM1100 of my saving this month to him and all I ask him in return.. "I jez want u to treat me better.." .. and guess what.. he did.. not... we are supposed to go out..mmmm.. well.. let him be.. I'm just tired to whine up about him.. only God's know how I feel.. I give my best, if he just don't know how to appreciate it,then, let it be.. sooner or later, he will realize it.. and me, I jez berserah dekat Tuhan..


at this moment, somehow I feel bless.. looking back at myself right before I was pregnant with Asyraf.. I was a total bitch.. yup.. I was.. maybe all those hiccups am having now are the pembalasan for all the bad stuffs I did before.. so, for God sake, I will bersabar and redha with his ujian. When I facebook, am always feeling jealous of other people wealth, beauty and other things.. but when I think back, behind all those beauty and wealth, u never know what happen with them.. they also like me, jez put on all those things that look good, I mean jez simply showing off.. betul tak? yup, I know 90% of us did that jez for the sake of showing off.. and there are also for good cause, but mostly, what do u think? I know there's a friend who damn rich, drive a fancy car, good looks, hot looking husband, but in the end.. the marriage is nothing but just a plain obligation to a cheating husband.. the moral of the story, we did judge book by it's cover, but if we don't read beyond the cover, we don't know what's the real stories behind the beautiful graphic pic.. well.. my point is, i'll never know, eventually my life is better than anyone else who seems to have everything in their life.. so, I should bersyukur for whatever things I have with me now.. I have a lovable family (tho he seems to hurt me alot.. I know he never mean it and he loves me much.. that's the only thing keep me stay beside him..), I got friends, good friends or just friends, got a job that I passionate about and basically everything is find now.. Thank You Allah..

all I need to do now..
look forward..
chase my dream..
be bold..
and banyakkan bersyukur...