ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man +smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man +dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss +smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets
a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets
a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand
him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a
lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but
married men are a lot more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of
a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings,
poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling
me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
doing the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO
NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS
YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.