my sunctuary..

oo my..
miss this space lots..
its gona be november already
2009 gonna be end a few months ahead
and am still jobless
sad enuf eh..
hopefully i have a good jump start on 2010..

well, still the old me.
getting older perhaps.
getting wiser?
ehem.
not really.
still trying to crawl out off from my own skin.
but think am more bless with our 2 months old asyraf n our 4 y.o dude aiman.
my marriage is great.
love hunky lots.
the only thing bothering me, money.
we have enuf to survive.
for somthing else?
i dun think so.
even more worried coz aiman gonna attend kindie next year.
and am still jobless.
vewy stressful k.
humm...

tuhlaa...
i am sangat2 berharap by next year, i have a proper job, so takde laa nak kene tukar2 keje lagi.
so, have some faith and move on.

well..
spread some love..
n later..
mmwahxx~

singgah jap..

lamenyer tak menyinggah kat sini..
wonder if there anyone yg still lagi menjenguk kat page ni once in awhile.
hehe.
well, lotsa things going on.
tapi everytime bukak blogger ni, mesti rase cam malas gile nak update.
this is jez a random entry anyway, coz dah sangap gile tak tau nak watpe..

i am in hungry mode.
tapi malas nak masak.
ape lagi nak kuar lunch.
coz being alone kat rumah, turn me into such a lazy pig.
bukan ape, kalo dah sorang kat umah, nak masak kang, kene basuh periuk kuali.
masak nasik + lauk = lotsa dishes, jez untuk diri sdiri, sgt tak berbaloi k.
end up makan cereal ngan roti for lunch.
umm, janji perut kenyang erk.

tadi on the fon with sya.
rase sangat bersalah tak attend wedding die last weekn.
well, banyak masalah sgt kat rumah ni, so am decided not to go.
my honda dah 3 weeks kat workshop, dapat penyakit yg tak sembuh2..
bosan aku dok berabis duit kat kete buruk tuh.
dah laa tgh takde duit, tak abis2 nysahkan org.. hummm..
well..well..
sangat sangap n keboringan..
am not working for 3 months now.
nak carik keje lain, for sure agak susah nak dapat.
of coz laa, dah 7 months pregger, sape laa nak amik keje.
paling cepat aku leh keje pun bulan 10 nanti.
another 3 months.
well, patutke aku start carik keje skarang.
lagipun bulan lapan nanti baru nak grad.
i think bulan puase kot baru start carik keje.
hopefully di bulan yang mulia nanti rezeki aku murah sikit.
eceh.

honestly, i am psychologically not stable n very insecure.
coz i miss aiman alot (die kat kg for 2 weeks), i am broke,
jobless, heavily pregnant and lonely.
i'm trying to figure out everyday how to keep myself insane.
but i am too lazy to do anything.
masalah betul laa pompuan ni.
haa, one more thing.
i'm having a digestional diabetes, hum, thanx to my dad for giving me the diabetes gene on me.
well, another reason for my depression.
guess what, am starting to lose weight.
and have low blood pressure.
thank goodness..

alot of stressful things happened in my life since 2009 started.
but, i think i am strong enough, tho sometime i feel like giving up my life.
honestly, bersabar is the only words i can hold on to right now.
coz i know, mungkin banyak sangat dosa aku ngan Tuhan sebelum ni, so Dia nak uji aku, aku ni manusia yg jenis sedar diri ke tak.
tapi aku tau, segala susah payah and kesengsaraan aku ni, is really worth every second of it.
Sebab aku tau, Tuhan beri ujian sebab nak suh aku sedar.
kalo aku cukup sabar, keep my faith on, who knows dosa2 aku pun berkurang.
InsyaAllah.
but, hopefully Tuhan kasik jugak kebahagian untuk aku suatu hari nanti sooner or later.
sape tanak idup senang kan?
walaupun camni, aku tetap bersyukur, aku tak kebuluran. aku ade rumah, ade aiman, ade hunky
and ade everything yg aku perlukan untuk survive.
Terima kasih Tuhan untuk segala-galanya.

p/s: there're a few ladies i miss alot. Amar, Wan Rose, Sya and other babes, if u read this, buzz me k. i miss u guys.

rolling mind..

i really long for such a healthy body, a happy life,
a better job and more friend.
such a meaningful and satisfaction life.
sape tanak kan..?
sume org nak macam tuh..
but i don't taste any of those satisfactory yet.
and i desperately want to..

and i find this question keep bugging on my mind..

"what do you want? What goals or dreams have you set for yourself that haven't yet happened? Is it time to get in
shape or mend a broken relationship? Find a better job or
finally take up that hobby you've been thinking about?"

"what price are you going to pay if you keep putting
it off? What if the chance to act disappears? How will you
feel?"

well, i kinda acknowledge all the answers of the questions.
n i am scared..

humm..
this past few days..
i am in such a gloomy mood.
distress bout something that not even occur yet.
suppress bout my own future, my kids and my marriage.
it's really such a mind bothering.
keep me feeling so insecure.

i should have pray alot.
let my faith lead by God.
and of coz, be greatful..

......

love nest..

honestly, am kinda tired with my life now.
long for things to get better sooner..
but, it seems so out of reach.
hunky..
i caught him lying to me.
but he never admit it, still i know he lied.
he's good at lying, good at making me feeling guilty, although he's the one to be blame.
am so tired of the drama.
try to shut my mouth up, eventually i jez can shut my lips but not my mind
and my heart.
its started to eat me inside, slowly.
argghhh~!
i want to have a better life.
i want to earned better like u, babe.
so.. what can i do?
so many things i wanna do in my life.
but with the way i live my life now, i have a huge doubt if i can make it or not.

hummm...

i really wanna strip out from my own skin now.
i wanna be a total stranger.
i wanna be someone else.
life is hard..

if only i can be a different person..

hummm~

Law of attraction

i've been learning about the law of attraction back my days in Prudential.
somehow, i knew it's really work.
tapi aku tak amalkan any single thing i've learned.
agak menyesal laa jugak.
but, watching oprah last nite, stimulate my memories about the law of attraction.
n today, am promise myself, am gonna sit down and think,
what i really want in life.
i use to have my own goal back then.
but, tau jelaa manusia spesis aku ni slalu hangat2 tahi ayam jek.
lotsa of tahi ayam is enuf.
i think i must act now. hehe.
tapi betul laa, kite ni kan, slalu kene ade org yg remind kite.
to keep focus and stay on the track.
walaupun certain things kite slalu dengar almost everyday,
tapi it's good for our soul.
specially bab2 tentang agama.

i know, am such a kepala angin.
kejap ok, kejap ko.
but still, bersyukur gile, coz at least am not stuck in k.o situation all the time.
ade jugak a better day to celebrate.
at this moment, am in thankful mode.
being thankful for everything i have.

ok.

other thing yg membuat aku terpikir pagi tadi masuk on the way nak dtg keje,
ialah aku ni agak suke merungut.
ade je bende aku nak merungut.
pastuh aku teringat laa, smlm aku tgk "keeping up with the kardashians"..
aku suke layan reality drama so much, n the kardashian is one of my fav laa,
tho they are jez bunch of plastics yg gorgeous.
but, despite of their ke'plastik'kan, n kekayaan n gile glamer.
they are bunch of kind hearted brats.
nak kate down to earth, takdelaa sgt.
tapi they don't mind being approached by org kebanyakan dan miskin.
dierang siap tolong lagi kalo org yg die jumpe tuh miskin.
bout last nite episode, it's not really about them.
it's something about the ppl they met at new orleans.
a single mother and 3 kids yg terpakse tinggal dlm trailer for 2 years,
rumah dierang collapse coz Katrina.
and the trailer is barely a home.
sgt sempit n very2 crowded.
n this bunch of Kardashians brats laa yg tolong dierang buat rumah baru
n everything.
ape yg membuat aku kagum gile ngan ibu tunggal anak tiga ni,
die tak pernah merungut sedikit pun pasal life die.
imagine, after Katrina, die sehelai sepinggang.
harta benda sume takde, yg tinggal, anak die 3 org.
she jez moved on, n built a new life with nothing.
she's never whining bout her struggling life, not a single word.
she jez being greatful for being alive.
so, all the kardashians brats dan termasuk aku sdiri, membuat aku terpikir,
life aku jauh lagi baik dari makcik tuh, but instead of being greatful,
hari2 merungut jek.
so does the law of attraction work,
if we keep saying and whining about the bad stuff.
only the bad things will come around.
but if we keep thinking about the good stuff..
only goodness will come.

well, talking bout life.
i know, so many ppl around me having a hard time.
tak cerita psal org2 kat palastine lagi.
kalo aku citer kang, nangis lagi.
but, all i wanna say to myself n to u..
is jez..
being thankful for every single thing we have n
every single moment we live.
so we won't have any regrets later in our life.

Alhamdulillah...~

bugs in my head..

there're so many things keep bugging n bothering my mind.
after return from kampung, I'm so exhausted from all of things happen around me.
humm..
balik kampung ari tuh, macam2 hal berlaku tapi agak remeh temeh sbenarnye.
but i jez can't keep them off from my mind.
sangat intriguing ok.
nak bergossip with someone else, but no one available to gossip with.

it's about my makcik, my mom's younger sister.
she's having Parkinson desease for 27 years old now.
she's started to have it when she's born her 4th child, same age with me.
the parkinson start to eat her neuron system slowly, n now she can't open her own eyes without somebody else helped.
Later after the 4th daughter born, there's another 2 daughters came later.
there're 6 of thems, 3 sons n 3 daughters.
before i forgot, the 4th daughter the one who born with her parkinson,
is a bit unnormal child.
Even she's already 27, but her mind is still a child's mind.
n guess what, all the others 5 normal daughters n sons are not home
to take care their parkinson's mom,
only the one who being unnorms left to do the job.
she's the one who suapkan nasi,
mandikan mak die,
pakai kan baju,
n celikkan mate mak die bile nak melihat.
sedihkan.. *actually aku tengah teresak-esak menangis ni.. uwaaa~*
along with the farther, she's taking care her mom.
talking about the farther.
at first, i threw a big salute to him.
coz with her wife conditions, he willing to stay n stick with her till now.
but my returned to kampung this time really shocked me hell.
i heard my other makcik cerite about the one who use to be respectable husband,
is no longer deserve the honor.
He's now one devil monster sonofbitch.
the husband eventually lost his patience to deal with parkinson's wife.
die sekarang dah jadi setan, sanggup heret makcik yg hopeless tuh macam binatang,
ke sane ke mari, pastuh siap pukul2 n dera lagi sambil mencarut.
n saying stuff like..
"engkau ni, tak abis2 nak menyusahkan org n tak reti2 nak mampus"
ya Allah, kesian nye..
ape salah die..
dahlaa tak mampu buatpe..
anak2 yg berkemampuan, jarang2 ade tunjuk muke.
laki pula dera die macam tuh.
sampai skarang, aku macam terganggu gile psal makcik aku ni.
one thing yg sgt mengganggu aku,
if sumthing like this happen to me.
would my husband do the same thing to me?
would my children also gonna act like that?
Nauzubillah~
mintak2 Tuhan jauhkan aku dari segala bencana.
apelaa nasib makcik aku tuh nanti.
sampai bile die dilayan camtuh.. aku pun tak pasti..
semoga Tuhan cepat2 hentikan kerja2 laknat laki die tuh.
dan semoga anak2 die diberi petunjuk.

dan semoga aku juga tidak tergolong darpada golongan yang dilaknat Tuhan.
ya Allah, takutnya aku..~

irritation..

am starting to get more irritate by ppl around me every each day..
the miss positive i wanna be, slowly fade away.
mmm, apelaa aku ni.
sometime i feel i have some kind of depression lately.
i read at paper, n watched tv, as if am having all the symptoms of the depression.
tapikan, bile pikir balik, am pregnant..
so, it's jez normal to have such a mood swing, dimana aku boleh berase gumbira, then seminit selepas itu berasa macam sial.
i dunno laa, if its jez the hormon or am really having kinda depression.
whatever it is, doesn't bring any good to me.
i jez dunno what can i do to trigger my mood, a better happy mood.
shopping perhaps?
of coz laa shopping sangat menggumbirakan.
tapi masalah nyer, bajet kurang laa bulan ni.
ape nak buat ar?
hummm...?

15 weeks pregger

next week i'll be 4 months pregger..
perut dah agak besar.
but still, if am wearing a lose fit shirt, nobody know am pregnant.
coz am so surprisingly a bit skinny.
aku pun tak bajet aku leh kurus lagi.
ingatkan second baby ni aku akan menembam kan diri.
tapi tidak same sekali.
coz, aku sangat tak lalu makan, n takleh nak makan banyak.
kalo makan nasi sepinggan penuh, rase macam nak pecah perut ni.
slalu tak banyak makan.
biase bile pregnant, org cakap we're eating for two.
but i think for me, am not eating for two, am eating for the baby only.
sebab sikit gile aku makan, huhu..

about the baby..
here is the baby, 15weeks year old..



sebesar size buah apple n seberat 2oz=600gm
kecik jek kan.
humm, tak sabar nak tungu die kuar.
hehe..
am already pick the name for the baby.
if it's a boy..
his name will be ASHRAF FAROUK
if a girl..
her name is gonna be ANNA SUFIYA
hehe, nama glamer abis..
i pick the name for a reason..
coz nanti bleh kasik nick name ANNA SUE..
i know it's sounds gediks, tapi tak kesahlaa..
aku nak gak letak name tuh..
actually banyak gile name yg aku list down kat internet..
speshly for the girl..
banyak name best2..
whatever it is..
it' gonna be Anna Sufiya..hahahahaa

klaa, enuf bout the name..
sambung keje plak..
ngantuk lor..
huuu~

bod-lucious...

am always dream to have such a great perfect body and flawless skin.
well, everyone does meh.
thats why, am a huge fan of ANTM.
luv tyra lots and all the gorgeous chics.
wish i have their looks. haiz~
but my ultimate beautiful body i dream of is the bod of Anna Faris in The Bunny House.
the perfectly engineered boobs n butt..
n the finely toned biceps n legs..
fuuuh.. i wish i had the bod.
one day, i know, sooner or later..
when things gonna fall into the places..
everything sail smoothly..
then am gonna start to engineered my body like the anna faris do.
tho it ain't perfect like her.
at least, agak2 macam die pun dah more than enough.
yeah, am promise myself.
the day will come.
hehe..

getting wiser or just getting older..?

the same topic copied from carry bradshaw.
well, do u ever ask urself something like that?
are u getting wiser when u're getting older?
or u jez getting older without being wiser?
hummm, if u ask me a few months ago.
i think i jez get older.. not getting wiser at all..
but when there was sumthing happened, i found my turning point.
where i back to pangkal jalan n never look back again.
that's when i think am alot wiser now than a few months back.
but still, i cudn't get it
why all this while i never learned my past mistakes?
why am still act childish and being such a fool (in other word, being stupid..)?
why am doing all those stuffs?

looking back, sumtimes i felt so jijik with myself.
but i know, menyesal ke tidak, i cudn't turn back and change history.
so many regrets in my life, but of coz, there're lotsa of lessons to learn to..
well, part of it is trying how to be optimist n positive..
honestly, its kinda hard coz ppl i meet daily are far from being optimist.
haizz~ sangat susah k.
all of em are so pesissmist, kekadang aku yang nak jadik positive pun terkena ion negative skali.
so, i jez teach myself to put away all the negativity,
n absorb all the positive vibe.
oklaa, walaupun positiveness is still a bit slow.
at least am making progress k.
hum, am so proud of myself. haha.

alrite miss positive, i really wanna be ur bff.
so, lets done our zohor now, hehe. (padahal dah 2.30pm, baru nak zohor..humm~)
whateverlaa, gambate to myself..!
i luv u babes!!
mmwahxxx!

hatred inside my head!

who are u to keep asking me to do things for u, hah?
tak bleh ke kalo ko jumpe aku, ko tak suh aku buat tuh buat ni?
ko ingat aku ape?
kuli batak ko?
ko ingat aku takde keje lain ke selain buat keje kat ko?
gaji aku yg berkurun tuh pun ko tak bayar lagi, pastuh nak suh aku buat keje for free?
hoh, banyak cantek muke ko?
aku tengok muke ko pun aku dah benci gile.
dulu sedap laa ko suh aku buat tuh buat ni, ko kan tuan mude.
sedap2 jek mengarah orang.
sakarang aku dah blah pun nak nak ngarah2 org lagi.
haram laa aku nak tolong ko.

argghhh!

huumm... deep breath...

love for him..

my weekn was great.
i wish another one more day break.
hehe.
my big gratitude to Madam Rose n family, and also to Madam Siti n family.
Last weekn, macam family day weekn, keje aku merempat rumah orang jek.
even sleep over kat rumah orang.
best laa, dapat special treatment.
tapi agak segan jugak sbenarnye. tapi takpelaa..
huhu..

finally, dapat befday gift from hunky.
di mana aku sdiri pilih ape aku nak.
tho aku sbenarnye prefer die belikan hadiah untuk aku, instead of aku pick hadiah pe.
sebab aku akan rase bersalah gile kalo spend duit die bebanyak.
huhu~ aku kan isteri mithali. uhuk!
now i miss hunky alot.. humm..

i've been reading metros' this morning.
bout sum wife willing to do ridiculous thing to make sure her husband not cheating n stay loyal to her.
sumthing like putting their own najis kat dalam husband nyer food..
pakai tangkal tuh, pakai susuk ni.
sumthing really khurafat.
well, who am i laa nak cakap bende2 agama ni.
but, are u willing to do such things jez to make sure your dear husband stay faithful to u?
kalau aku, i dun think aku akan buat sumthing yang macam kite ni dah takde agame.
of coz aku akan cari something from Islamic side.
macam certain doa untuk kebahagiaan rumahtangga.
n i found lotsa doa are coming from Al-Quran.
Some wise people suggest read surah Toha.
Dr. Fadhilah Kamsah suggest recite doa from Surah Yusuf: Ayat 4.
and for me.
i keep berdoa using the one from my mom gave.
aku tak tau laa mane die amik.
it is jez simple doa, and easy to remember.
if u can't memorize in Arabic, baca jelaa ikut bahase yang kite paham.
the meaning of the doa is sound more like this;

"Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, Hubungkanlah kasih sayang aku dan suamiku sepertimana hubungan Adam dan Hawa"s

macam simple jek.
but, lame2 you can feel the difference.
specially for someone who has been married for 5 years like me.
hahaha...
di mana kasih sayang masih lagi wujud.
tetapi kesungguhan, keriangan dan sewaktu dengannye, tidak lagi seperti dua tahun pertama kita mendirikan rumahtangga.
coz everything are so common and life's ruled by routine.
so, saye mencadangkan ibu2 mengamal sebarang doa untuk mengekalkan kebahgiaan rumah tangga ibu2 sekalian.
janganlaa pula ibu2 membomohkan suami ibu.
kerana, apakah perasaan ibu jika ibu dibomoh oleh suami?
huhu~

btw, expecting another family member, brings more sparks in our life.
where i saw lotsa changes from our first son and hunky.
am soo happy and feel really bless.
thank you..

May Allah keep raining us with blessig and love from Him. amiin..~

menguap jer keje..

pepagi gi keje mesti rase letih n mengantuk.
cam mane ar nak ilangkan rase letih pepagi.
mesti sebab malam tak betul2 tido erk.
semalam dah tido awal.
hunky balik kul 10, lepak ngan die, dah langsung takleh nak tido.
alih2 kul 1 baru tido.
dah tido lambat.
tido plak tak lena.
subuh malas bangun awal.
padahal alarm asyik snooze since 5.50am.
bukannye tak sedar, sedar jek dok tekan alarm kasik snooze sampai kul 7.
haizz.. mane tak beku otak, kul 7 baru bangun subuh.
memang dari kecik lagi aku memang liat gile nak bangun pagi.
tapikan, aku suke ar plak tgk orang yang suke bangun pagi.
speshly on weekn.
sbenarnye bangun pagi on weekn sangat best.
leh gi kuar breakfast.
lepak makan2 sambil bace paper.
tapi masalah nyer, kalo dah weekn, keje nyer membute je laa..
arghh, sangat susah nak break bad habit nih.
aku nak bangun pagi!
huuu~

bongeklaa!!!!

i start my day with such a fine feeling.
having a great dinner n a great sex last nite, really stimulating..hehe
but..
when the noon come..
and lotsa matters came and demand my attention.
i start to feel suck!
arggghhh!

seriously tak suke bile deal ngan orang yg bongek.
para pekerja yang jage lab, tapi tak penah ade kat lab.
manager insurans yg bongek, pikir psal die nyer duit jek.
hoh! tak suke gile.

sabarjelaa..

sib baik laa my current boss ni macam baik gak ar.
takdelaa nak tokok tambah aku nyer fenin ni.
ntah2 die yg pening nak layan aku yg macam2 hal ni.
hehe.

apepun babe,
have a great thursday.

i luv hunky.
i luv aiman.
i luv me.
i luv everyone.

yawn!!

i want to whining and complaining.
i don't care!
i have such a very bad morning (biaselaa after 3 days break)..
hoh!

i hate my colleague, this one particular guy in my office.
jez a technician.
and act like typical kelantanese guy.
pepagi masuk office, keje die mengeluh dan komplen psal kejer.
kutuk2 bos. takde keje lain.
sampai cair taik telinge aku.
kalo ko buat je keje2 diam2 tak bleh ke.
kalo dah tak suke sgt kat bos, pegilaa cari keje lain.
takyah nak bising.
kalo tanak, buat jelaa keje.
kate kite ni kuli, buat laa care jadi kuli.
ini nak dengki ngan bos.
kalo camtuh, jadilaa bos sdiri.
takyahlaa nak memekak.
haish! bingit telinge aku tau.

pastuh kete aku lak satu hal.
hunky tukar seat bucket.
aku rase nak nangis jek bawak kete tadi.
kene letak tige bijik bantal, baru laa kaki aku leh tekan cluc.
tension gile.
aku dah cakap dah, aku takleh nak bawak kete kalo pakai seat tuh.
tiga bijik bantal ok.
tuh pun takleh nak tekan cluc sampai abis.
arghhhh~ stress gile.
sampai bile aku nak bawak kete camtuh.
huwaaa~

so now..
am looking for sumthing nak ilangkan stress n calm me down.
takdelaa aku kene deal masalah besar pun.
pun it's really spoil my morning k.
n aku konpem, one whole day aku akan muncung n marah2.
haiz...

looking for material..

last weekend, for the first time am stepping in Gucci's, Fendi's and Dior's at klcc.
tak kesahlah walaupun agak jakun, layan jelaa..
bukan slalu pun layan nafsu materialistik aku nih,*cess menipu gile*
tapikan, bile masuk usha2 barang dalam butik tuh, aku rase macam tak best ar..
beside the uncomfortable feeling that 'aku memang takde duit nak beli barang2 tuh sume'..
aku rase kan, one day aku ade banyak pitis, aku tak rase aku akan spend kat butik2 cam tuh.
yelaa, aku ni kan org kampung.
macam mak mertue aku cakaplaa.
ko beli Dior 10, 20 ribu, pastuh ko bawak balik kampung,
mesti orang kampung tengok dan melihat dengan penuh rase kagum,
lalu berkate..
"aloh mek, comey nyor beg mek nih.. beli mano weh? beli ratau panje ke?"
translation
"hey girl, your bag is so hot. where did you buy it? is it at rantau panjang?"
oklaa, hanya gadis2 yang berasal dari kelantan dan yang pernah tinggal kat kelantan jek will get the joke.
soweylaa, joke aku racist kelantan sket.
ok, back to the topic.
nak ke ko beli barang yang harga setahun ko nyer gaji,
balik kampung makcik ko cakap bag tuh ko beli kat pasar borong.
mesti bernanah telinge ko die cakap camtuh kan.
humm, bukan nyer aku tak brand concious ke pe.
i jez seem don't like what i saw.
pegi ngan kakak-kakak ipar ku yang smemangnye very high taste,
walaupun sbenarnye takdelaa berkemampuan nak membeli barang2 camtuh,
but they seem like it so much.
humm..
aku pun agak brand concious, takdela sampai level cam tuh.
kalo aku ade duit pun, aku tak pegi klcc shopping kat sane.
alang2 dah duit belambak, aku lagi prefer pegi bandung or bangkok, purchase sumthing yg smemang nye takde kat mesia.
barang kat sane murah, besides, walaupun murah, tuh bukan barang imitation tau.
sume ori, tapi reject.
cam ko pegi reject shop untuk prada, gucci, dior n yadayadayada..
alaaa, kalo duit bersepah-sepah sangat, why don't pegi uk ke, spain ke, italy ke beli terus kat sane.
ape susah.
tapi kan, masalah nye kite ni skarang bukan banyak duit sangat pun.
nak beli vinnci nyer stilettos pun aku terpakse pikir 5,6 kali.
ape tah lagi nak beli ck nye kasut.
unless, dapat shopping fendi kat petaling street,
memang laa aku tak pikir panjang. heheh.
but for me now, aku suke cari barang yang ekslusif.
exclusive, bukan maksud aku barang mahal bergaya.
exclusive for me is sumthing yang jarang orang pakai n jumpe.
like the bag kelabu yg aku pakai sekarang.
genuine leather, from vietnam.
no brand.
tapi jahitan die cantik gile, n kemas.
aku jumpe satu kedai kecik gile, n sangat tersorok sumwer dekat ampang.
n kedai tuh cam pelik, ade gak jual telekung smayang, so takyah laa risau pasal leather tuh.
yang pasti nyer, aku tak penah jumpe lagi other ppl wearing the same handbag like me.
yeay...
so, takdelaa ko lepak klcc, every single person ko jumpe pakai handbag same cam ko.
gile tak best.
speshly time raye, chances nak jumpe org pakai handbag n kasut yg same adalah sgt tinggi.
aku penah skali, ari tuh saje laa beli bag mng.
first time aku purchase mng, walaupun aku bukannye suke sgt pun.
bag tuh nak wat raye.
n guess what, mase raye aku jumpe 2,3 org wearing the same handbag cam aku.
hoh, gile tak best.
so, baik aku beli jek sumthing yang aku suke, tak kesahlaa kalo takde brand pon.
janji aku chenta sama itu bag, cukuplaa.
n s long s makcik kat kg aku pun takdelaa ingat aku beli kat pasar malam wakaf che yeh, pun dah kire ok ar tuh.

oklaa makcik, enough laa psal bag.
dah banyak dah bag kat umah tuh.
setahun skali beli bag pun dah kire cukup bagi aku.
brand ke tak branded ke, kalo ade bajet lebih bleh ar..
kalo tak.. humm..
pepaham jelaa..

oleh yang demikian, saye berseru kepade gadis2 dan ibu2 di sane, marilah kite berjimat cermat, agar pada suatu hari kita boleh bershopping sakan tanpa lupe diri. Dan bahawasa nye kite, terpakse menyimpan sedikit duit gaji untuk beberape bulan semate-mate mendapatkan sebiji bag tangan yang cantek bergaye.
sekian, harap maklum.

new beginning..perhaps?

well, to start a new life is ain't easy.
at the very beginning, it sounds great and exciting.
but, to stay on the line and get focus, arghh~ susahnyer!
banyak sangat distraction, and you keep attempt to break the rules you have made for yoourself.
but am greatful anyway, coz the Lord has made my eyes wide open.
InsyaAllah, things won't be the same anymore.
and i pray hard and try to work hard for it.

Thank God.. for the blessing and faith..

fusssing..

so much things mingle in my brain now.
about baby, study, economy, works, wishes, friends and food.

i've been worried bout 7 weeks ol baby inside this yummy tummy.
last nite i called Dr. Chuck, my hubby's best fren n a good fren of mine about my worries laa.
why am i being worried so much?
hummm.. well, i jez found out am pregnant about 2 weeks ago.
so that's mean, it's already 5 weeks old at that time.
and within that unknown 5 weeks, i've been smoking casually, not casually laa..
coz i can finish 6-7 cigars a day.
haizzz~
and smoking during pregnany is really a big no-no.
aku sangat takut ok.
takut gile.
what if sumthing bad happen to this baby becoz of this farking stupid habit?
hummm.. risau nyer aku~
well, am totally cut off this habit yg sgt sial.
erghhhh~ ..
hopefully nothing bad happen.
and this baby will be born normally n beautifully.. InsyaAllah..
talking bout baby..
i miss 2 of my baby nephews alot..
huwaaaaa~
teringat gile kat dierang..



this lil 3 months old Elyas, jez return from Dublin.
Last Wednesday, dapat baby sit die jap, oh sangat adorable.
membuatkan aku jatuh hati dan merindui mu..
uwaaaa~
after sampai mesia sari, the next day terus gi Bandung.
lucky guy, 3 months ol dah dapat buat world tour.
i wonder what this lucky guy will become when he grows up?
hummm...?



other lil dude yg hunky tgh dukung itu, name die en.arif.
a shy guy, barely speak, expressionless, sangat manje and vewy2 adorable.
love to play chicken chicks wif me. that's the only time i saw him laughing.
thats why am missing him lots.
kerana telah berjaya membuatkan budak kecik ini ketawa terkekeh-kekeh ^o^

burp..~
hehe, kenyang. good food really makes my day. yeay!

about study.
aku sambung blajar.
last week pegi register.
hopefully, within this month aku leh siapkan thesis tuh.
then, this year leh grad. aaaaminnn~
thanx to all my babes yg banyak kasik nasihat2 yg sgt memberangsangkan itu.
i luv u! mmmwahxxxxx~~~~

then, memandangkan aku tgh siapkan thesis tuh,
aku terpakse lor berkemut sket psal bab duit ni.
ekonomi sewiously merundum nih.
baru jek tadi borak ngan brother newspaper kat bawah.
die citer, member die keje kat western digital.
pastuh mase dapat gaji bulan 12, terus company kasik gaji bulan 1 skali.
tau nape die kasik gaji bulan 1 skali?
sebab die suh pekerja2 dierang sume amik cuti sampailaa company tuh beroperasi balik.
bile company tuh nak beroperasi balik pun, tak tau bile.
sampai macam tuh skali erk ekonomi jatuh.
western digital tuh kire company yg agak strong gak ar.
tapi kene tutup kedai.
haizzz~
sib baik aku nyer company, macam takde effect langsung ngan ekonomi skarang.
relax jek generate duit.
rezeki dierang kot.
n probably, rezeki aku gak erk.

talking bout work n economy.
i've been thinking, what kind of job that am looking for actually?
of coz there're lotsa kind of job that i want to.
i wanna be a photographer, a beautician, an hairstylist, graphic designer, interior designer or fashion designer perhaps..? hehe..
sume nyer required such a creative mind.
humm, if i can be one of those at least, mesti aku passionate gile kan.
yelaa, u've been paid for sumthing u always love.
best ar.
sebab tuh, ppl who luv their jobs, mesti die sangat bersungguh-sungguh wat keje kan.
alaa, macam ko suke masak, pastuh org bayar plak utk ko masak.
mesti laa lagi ko suke masak2.
humm.. whatever laaa..
my dream, to have a photography studio n printing n design company.
InshaAllah..

well, aku dah tak larat dah nak menaip ni.
lapar laa plak.
there's 2 things dlm kepale otak aku skarang yg aku nak makan.

1. Hor Fa Mee From Ol Town
2. Prosperity Burger

humm, tunggu jelaa hunky blanje nanti.
malas nak kuar duit sdiri, hehe.

chao!

bLuEs Fr|daY..

it such a bad morning.
dengan weather yg mendung jek pagi ni.
hah, memang elok laa tuh ngan mood of the day.
dah laa bangun keje lambat, last nite tido plak lambat.
bangun ngan muke muncung jek.
tak sempat nak breakfast kat umah.
ingat after punch kad, nak kuar breakfast jap.
elok plak,duit tak bawak.
lagilaa bad mood abis.
dah tak tau camner nak ilangkan blues nih.
stress betul!

Lapar!!!! uwaaaaaaa~

k,laaa..
sambung later, after perut dah kenyang. huhu..

rAnD0m|zEd..

.: HER :.

the most influence person in my life.
i know i disappoint her a lot after from one to another mistakes i did in my life.
i know am such a failure for her.
it breaks me down anyway, to know she feels that way towards me.
i used to be so manje with her when i was a kid.
the one that her wish always be granted.
but when i started to live my life in boarding school.
we falled apart.
and there came the crisis storm in our house.
i became bitter n cold person.
never really cared about what happened around me.
things getting more complicated every each day.
i was always wish that i could go away n live on my own.
well, basically my wish kinda came true.
coz since 13 years ol, i never had a chance to stay home more than a month.
till my final year in 'U', i've got married and never got a chance to live under one roof with her again.
i wish i could fix things up with her.
but i can't. It's really hard for me to open up and feel warmth towards her.
sumthings i never did for 20 years.
lame tuh..
haiiiz~...
"Syurga Di Bawah Tapak Kaki Ibu"
i try to be grateful, coz i still have a chance to make it up things with her.
but how am gonna do it?
ummm... tak tau laaa~

:(


.: Love n Hate :.

ever heard a song "Cinta Dalam Hati" from Ungu.
i had a younger guy fall for me before.
he dedicate this song to me.
is it true..
in love with someone alone can make you happy.
of coz laa, kite happy bile in love.
tapi in love saje without having the person u love, cukup ke utk kite bahagie?
but, its absolutely not for me.
when am in love, i'll do anything to make him mine.
if i cant, jez forget about it.
tapi masalahnye, ade gak org camtuh erk.
hummm..
lantak laa dierang.
aku pi susah2 pening sakit kpale watpe.
takde keje tul.

k laa back to work.
tadi tgh emo sket.
takde mood ar plak nak sambung citer.
hummm.. ^___^"

sakit perut ar..

adeh... subuh2 lagi dah kuar masuk toilet.
tension ar camni. tatau salah makan pe.
yg pasti, b4 tido smlm, minum susu segelas.
no wonder laa perut aku memberontak ari ni. huuuuu~

lame dah tak update blog ni.
sbenarnye, ade gak beberape cubaan untuk mengupdate.
tetapi gagal.
cam taktau pe nak type.

mmm..

wel, ari ni dah 6 days after new year eve.
first time celebrating new year ari tuh.
hehe. dah laa mlm tuh kuar bujang.
lepak kat starbux klcc lagi.
memang sedap jek cuci mate mlm tuh.
tapi, being a bini orang n mak orang, i jez kept it low jek.
takde ar nak gile glamer n gedix.
walaupun agak sangap, 4 jam melangut kat situh manunggu detik 12mlm.
overall, it was so fun to be around my babes. yeay!!

my weekn kinda bowink.
nothing much. nothing fun.
so did yesterday.
lagilaa bad mood gile.
ari ni pun camtuh gak.
akupun tatau bile mood aku nak elok.
asik bad mood jek memanjang.
kalo cakap2 ngan hunky pun, mesti nak marah2 jek.
poor hunky. huhuuu~ windu kat die ar.
dahlaa smlm balik lambat. tak sempat nak manje2.
hunky..
i miss u lor..