Wednesday, September 01, 2004

a sigh...

Today I’m scanning my baby for second time.. I was waiting for my turn damn long.. dah lah last nite I can’t sleep well.. n last nite I cry again.. I feel annoyed by my husband coz he dun wanna accompany me today.. n after a few tear drops.. He’s willing to send me back n go with me to scan the baby..
N my baby..
Guess what, the baby is a boy… yeahahahaha.. thank God.. thanx so much.. n he’s so active kicking around n even doing summersault, n sitting like driving a car..
I’m sooo glad… n worried…
Well…
Last nite I cry.. n cry all over again..
Lately I’ve been under deep depress.. n cries a lot.. last I was worried bout my study..
My thesis is out of nowhere.. n then all the projects n hw given by dr.azmi.. I ain’t do it yet.. I never attend en.hanif class.. huuumm… I am so… sooo depress n tension..
I told my husband.. but.. I dunno.. his words doesn’t strong enuf to make me comfort..
At last, my myself sooth my depression..
Hey gal! damn everything.. jez be strong.. u r strong rite?! So stay strong baby.. u r a tough gal.. u can face it alone.. even no one can’t understand it.. but u always understand urself, rite?! So jez do it.. u can baby.. u always can..

I think I dun mind if I jez fail all those paper.. coz I’m gonna extend my study for 2 sems.. n I still got lotsa times.. n I hopes, when I deliver the baby, I can concentrate more into what I’m gonna do with my life..

For the time being..
I am soo emotional.. so sensitive.. sangat ikut prasaan.. n can get tired easily.. I can’t slee well at nit, but I can sleep like a baby during day time.. n think it’s all becoz I’m pregnant..
why..?
becoz I think I can’t keep things straight.. even though I try to give lotsa efforts bout em.. but I still fail to do what is should do.. becoz I am soo tired.. n so lazy.. I am lazy.. becoz I don’t wanna read sumthing I can’t understand.. like my thesis n the robot stuff like the one I’m doing now..
*sigh….*
I think I need to meet a psychotherapist or any one who can.. who can give some nice n great advices.. to gain more confidences n motivations.. seriously.. I really need that..
God help me..

Nolie jez came n visit me.. I’m a lil bit glad she’s coming.. have some chat with her bout her wedding n my baby.. well, I’m still lucky rite.. to have some frens who still concern bout me..

Well, one of the reason why I feel sad last nite coz last weekn I have a really great times.. on Saturday went to my hubby’s aunt at rawang, chilling wif my in laws family.. so chill n cool.. n then Sunday, fooling around wif my hubby at BB.. dah lame tak kuar berpoyo-poyo wif my husband.. doing hot stuff at a hot place.. hehe.. n then on merdeka when to klcc with my in law, kak ayu n abg nazri n faiq.. boozing around, chilling n eating… cuci mate.. I really have a wonderful time..
N now.. at this moment.. I’m all alone, again.. missing my husband so much..
Well babe… can u see my changes of mood..? I can sweep away to any kind of mood in any second jez like that… at 1st I sad last nite, then I hepi becoz of the baby, then I worried coz of my studies.. n hepi again when nolie came n feeling down again bcoz missing all those great times I have before n missing my husband so much…
*sigh….*
I hope my life is getting better.. better n better..
InsyaAllah….

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