It's an ordinary weekend, but somehow... some words and some acts can change the entire life.. i don't know why, but i think found some light and faith, to guide my life to be a better mom and wife. Just a few days ago, i mentioned my worried about my first son, i'm so worried if he gonna hate me because i'm always yell at him, sometime losing my temper towards him, i'm feeling guilty like hell.. n u know what, since last friday also, he don't wanna sleep at home, he want to sleep with his cousins, n tonite he's at Nilai with my sis-in-law, and dem, i miss him so much.. i cried ok, i cried becoz i think i really treat him bad, i don't know why he don't wanna be home. maybe becoz am always mad at him, n his papa always not around for him, maybe.. I'm so sorry if i treat u badly.. only God know how i wanna be a good mother, giving u the best of me.. if i failed it, I'm so sorry.. This evening, i was watching a documentary in Oasis channel, about 'Zuriat'.. there's a quote from Rasullullah s.a.w..
"Berikanlah kasih sayang kepada anakmu selepas dilahirkan hingga ianya berumur 7 tahun. Dan berikanlah pendidikan kepada anakmu dari 7 hingga 14 tahun. Kemudian, bersahabatlah dengan anak-anakmu dari umur 14 hingga 21 tahun"
well, a lil guidance but mean so big. I want to making up my mistakes, and i think it still not too late for me to be a better person, treat my sons better and be a better mom. Alhamdullillah, i'm really thank God for open up my soul before it's too late..
but the other person that makes me cried every nite.. is non other person but my own soulmate.. I don't why he can't see this.. I don't why he can't realize it.. every single thing he did, get nothing but kemurkaan dari Allah.. ya Tuhan, berikanlah petunjuk kepadanya.. i know my life will be in kefakiran and kesusahan, unless we changed, he's changed and kembali ke jalan-Nya... yea.. hati aku kene kuat.. kuat untuk segala-galanye.. it ain't easy, i know.. tapi selagi hati aku tetap pade Tuhan, InsyaAllah, aku yakin.. everythings gonna be alrite.. takpelaa tak jadi org berharta, selagi aku dapat jadi hambanya yang soleh, dengan anak-anak yang soleh, cukuplah dengan ape yang ade kat atas dunia ni.. ya Allah.. ampunilah aku.. Aiman, maafkan mama...............