an ordinary indistinguishable young lady

hiccups~

2011-11-14T21:25:00.006+08:00

Assalamualaikum..

lately so many life changing, fortunate and unfortunate events happens in my life.. our school have two weeks break since 1st nov.. since then, my life become upside down. it was like, i didn't know what the hell am gonna do when i didn't go to work..
besides, the house works is endless, rase macam tak abis2 dok basuh baju, lipat baju basuh pinggan.. it's never stop.. hummm~~ then it's continue with Aidiladha, when the unfortunate event occured.. i had a very bad experience of KEMALANGAN JALAN RAYE.. it was my cousin who drove the car.. he fall asleep when he was driving and hit a car at tepi jalan then meluncur masuk gaung.. ya Allah, aku ingat mati je time tuh.. tapi Alhamdullah sume org selamat.. kecuali kerete aku yg terkorban, badly injured..

memandangkan sume org selamat, cume syakira je yg injured dekat kepale, hari raye pun disambut secare sederhana dengan care berjalan kaki dan menumpang kerete org.. Alhamdulillah, aidiladha still lagi meriah...

after 5 days kat kg.. berjaye jugak balik kl, tumpang cousin, kak nurul.. selepas beberape hari, hujung minggu menjelma lagi.. dan anak bujang ku berjaye menamatkan pengajian 6 tahun di tadika An-Nur.. haiz~ kejap je mase berlalu..

dan malamnyer pulak ade IIS annual dinner kat Crowne Plaza Hotel.. berjaye membawa pulang hadiah cabutan bertuah berupa sebuah kipas meja.. hehe.. Alhamdulillah...

and last but not least.. a fortunate news.. we expecting our third child now.. and hopefully this time wold be a lady.. InshaAllah.. i know, it is unexpected pregnancy.. tapi nak buat macam mane, aku redha je ketentuan Tuhan.. lagipun, anak itukan rezeki.. maybe rezeki aku bukannye wang ringgit, tapi dikurniakan anak2 yg comel2 dan sihat sempurna.. doakan aku jadi ibu yg baik k..
off to bed now.. may tommorrow is better than today.. may Allah bless us..
wassalam..

Ramadhan..

2011-08-13T19:18:00.002+08:00

lotsa rare & different things happened during this Ramadhan..
my life routine 275 degree change.. it's all because of my new school..
new scheduled, new subjects, new students and everything is new..
and just now, i have a small argument with my older sons, sampai die nak pack baju lari dari rumah.. part of it, it's my fault.. maybe because of my frustration towards my life now, i let out through my anger towards him.. i was hand him just now, coz he's 'jentik nonot adik die'.. of coz i mad, it's really hurt when u pinch boys private part.. n i was full with anger then i hit him n spank him.. n he hate it so much sampai nak lari dr rumah.. MasyaAllah~.. what I have done sampai die benci macam tuh skali kat aku.. what kind of mother I am..? I really wanna be a better mother.. InsyaAllah, God give me guidance.. waAllahualam..

Alhamdulillah.. again..

2011-07-26T15:34:00.001+08:00

Segala puji bagi Allah.. my life is getting better each day.. yeah, but of coz they will be up and down..
well, it's my second day at new school.. so, 'Ah lan wasahlam' International Islamic School.. hehe
of coz, am glad that i make a right decision to leave Sri Utama. Coz here is far better than there, the only thing i miss is my form 3B kids..
whatever it is, I am happier here.. yeay!
Walaubagaimanapun..
the only thing that makes me down is whenever i think about my debt. lotsa debt.. haiyaa.. I really can't control myself when it come to spend the money.
susah gile nak kontrol. so skarang ni nak kene cari jalan clear kan debt, coz i need to buy a new laptop. humm.. macam mane ar..
kalo nak buat tuition, memang dah tak larat dah, coz my current school is getting far from my house.. no time for tuition. humm..
well, may God murahkan rezeki bebanyak.. Aaamiin..
memikirkan upcoming raye.. memikirkan sume org showing off with Coach, CK, Micheal Korrs handbags.. how about me? -_-" banyak sgt temptation.
tension. takpela.. jgn lupe diri.. kite ni hutang dah banyak, sedarlah diri sikit yek..hehe

lame jugak ye~

2011-04-02T22:42:00.002+08:00

lame jugak ye tak singgah sini..
sebenarnye agak malas. tapi rase cam nak blogging..
actually, there are a lot of things play in my mind now. I don't know which one should i drop first.

well.. about guitar.. i stop learning guitar bout two months now, coz am not sure playing guitar is halal or not..
and besides the tight schedule of having tuition each day.. I think from today am gonna continue my lesson back after reading a few facts and fatwa that most people misunderstood. Things become haram when we are starting to ignore all of our kewajiban to Allah and start to do all the haram things like drinking and zina every time or once we play guitar. I feel it's a huge relief, coz I really want to play guitar since i was little.. tho it may sound ridiculous but, yup.. i want to play guitar... ok besides guitar, one more thing that i wanna do badly... photography.. I really wanna be the person to capture all the special moment instantly and wanna look at the world differently behind the lense..
I almost buy the camera last friday, but i was kind of hesitated, coz we have lotsa debt, why should I waste my money for something unuseful for us, why don't I jez use the money to clear out our debt. btul tak? so, dengan hati yg pemurah, I gave RM1100 of my saving this month to him and all I ask him in return.. "I jez want u to treat me better.." .. and guess what.. he did.. not... we are supposed to go out..mmmm.. well.. let him be.. I'm just tired to whine up about him.. only God's know how I feel.. I give my best, if he just don't know how to appreciate it,then, let it be.. sooner or later, he will realize it.. and me, I jez berserah dekat Tuhan..

But..

at this moment, somehow I feel bless.. looking back at myself right before I was pregnant with Asyraf.. I was a total bitch.. yup.. I was.. maybe all those hiccups am having now are the pembalasan for all the bad stuffs I did before.. so, for God sake, I will bersabar and redha with his ujian. When I facebook, am always feeling jealous of other people wealth, beauty and other things.. but when I think back, behind all those beauty and wealth, u never know what happen with them.. they also like me, jez put on all those things that look good, I mean jez simply showing off.. betul tak? yup, I know 90% of us did that jez for the sake of showing off.. and there are also for good cause, but mostly, what do u think? I know there's a friend who damn rich, drive a fancy car, good looks, hot looking husband, but in the end.. the marriage is nothing but just a plain obligation to a cheating husband.. the moral of the story, we did judge book by it's cover, but if we don't read beyond the cover, we don't know what's the real stories behind the beautiful graphic pic.. well.. my point is, i'll never know, eventually my life is better than anyone else who seems to have everything in their life.. so, I should bersyukur for whatever things I have with me now.. I have a lovable family (tho he seems to hurt me alot.. I know he never mean it and he loves me much.. that's the only thing keep me stay beside him..), I got friends, good friends or just friends, got a job that I passionate about and basically everything is find now.. Thank You Allah..

so..
all I need to do now..
look forward..
chase my dream..
be bold..
and banyakkan bersyukur...

Alhamdulillah..

a place to call home..

2011-02-21T19:18:00.002+08:00

am jealous. Jealous of my friends that manage to buy a place to call 'their own house' before hit thirty. I used to promise myself that by thirty, am already have a fine house and a big comfy car.. but.. umm.. it seems so far now. and guess what, am already 29..hahaha. i'm that old babe. oklah, I need to hit the ground and observe, where I am now? how bout next year? next 5 years? 10 years? man.. it's kinda of scary to know where I've been now. Instead of saving money, am end up having more debt. damn me. really can't control my inner child.gtg. asyraf is attacking..arghhh~~~

Alhamdulillah~

2011-02-19T20:08:00.003+08:00

Alhamdulillah.. segala puji bagi Allah, Tuhan semesta alam..
life's getting better and happier.
when u start to look at your life in different way, and have faith to Him, InsyaAllah everything will work out just fine..

well, actually i can't wait for the grad nite. hehe. a nite to have an excellent dinner and have a really good time. Besides, am also gonna receive a clean RM400 nett for my hard works and my students hard work for getting As in Maths and Pure Maths. mmm~ Can't wait. Btw, am thinking of buying a new dress for that nite, but.. why should i waste my money for just one stupid evening, better save for better things, like.. bayar balik ptptipu.. ok gak..

Anyway, am totally broke rite now. All my money use to pay babysitter, give to Ummi, give to hubby, bayar kutu, installment n broadband.. total up, RM1630.. luckily, this month, am got more tuition, so more money come in.. Alhamdulillah.. well, talking about money, it seems never enough.. always got plan to use money, all the desire of buying new handbags, new shoes, new laptop, new sofa and all the new things that seems endless.. haiz~ nafsu.. the uncontrollable NAFSU..
I'm trying to be careful for what I'm doing now days , so i don't wanna regret it later. I've been doing soul searching (beside searching for a better job.. and better job means better school lah). What I wannna do in my life and so on. I was getting confuse sometimes, but when I start to surrender all my faith, trust and my heart to Almighty God, slowly,everything seems clearer and surprisingly a calm mind, heart and soul.. I do wish sometimes that I could turn back time, and be as matured as I am today. So I don't have to live in regret and got a better life than I am today. But, what's the point anyway, what's gone is gone. If I'm not been through what I've been through before, I wouldn't be the same person as I am now.. I wouldn't be this strong, this calm, this matured and this bless.. rite?
I'm really sorry for my mistakes, sorry for my stupidity, so sorry if I hurt so many people who care about me before, I'm so sorry.. but deep down, I have changed.. better.. but still I know, it's ain't enough.. there's still pretty lot of room to improve myself... yeah.. InsyaAllah..

broken

2010-11-27T21:32:00.002+08:00

am tired and heart broken.. sometimes, i jez feel enough.. enough of him.. too much headache.. i don't know if life would be much better withou or without him.. but i know, my sons need him more than anything.. i lost.. n of coz.. broken.. ya Allah..

another weekend

2010-09-05T23:13:00.002+08:00

It's an ordinary weekend, but somehow... some words and some acts can change the entire life.. i don't know why, but i think found some light and faith, to guide my life to be a better mom and wife. Just a few days ago, i mentioned my worried about my first son, i'm so worried if he gonna hate me because i'm always yell at him, sometime losing my temper towards him, i'm feeling guilty like hell.. n u know what, since last friday also, he don't wanna sleep at home, he want to sleep with his cousins, n tonite he's at Nilai with my sis-in-law, and dem, i miss him so much.. i cried ok, i cried becoz i think i really treat him bad, i don't know why he don't wanna be home. maybe becoz am always mad at him, n his papa always not around for him, maybe.. I'm so sorry if i treat u badly.. only God know how i wanna be a good mother, giving u the best of me.. if i failed it, I'm so sorry.. This evening, i was watching a documentary in Oasis channel, about 'Zuriat'.. there's a quote from Rasullullah s.a.w..

"Berikanlah kasih sayang kepada anakmu selepas dilahirkan hingga ianya berumur 7 tahun. Dan berikanlah pendidikan kepada anakmu dari 7 hingga 14 tahun. Kemudian, bersahabatlah dengan anak-anakmu dari umur 14 hingga 21 tahun"

well, a lil guidance but mean so big. I want to making up my mistakes, and i think it still not too late for me to be a better person, treat my sons better and be a better mom. Alhamdullillah, i'm really thank God for open up my soul before it's too late..

but the other person that makes me cried every nite.. is non other person but my own soulmate.. I don't why he can't see this.. I don't why he can't realize it.. every single thing he did, get nothing but kemurkaan dari Allah.. ya Tuhan, berikanlah petunjuk kepadanya.. i know my life will be in kefakiran and kesusahan, unless we changed, he's changed and kembali ke jalan-Nya... yea.. hati aku kene kuat.. kuat untuk segala-galanye.. it ain't easy, i know.. tapi selagi hati aku tetap pade Tuhan, InsyaAllah, aku yakin.. everythings gonna be alrite.. takpelaa tak jadi org berharta, selagi aku dapat jadi hambanya yang soleh, dengan anak-anak yang soleh, cukuplah dengan ape yang ade kat atas dunia ni.. ya Allah.. ampunilah aku.. Aiman, maafkan mama...............

pretty much of new life..

2010-08-25T23:14:00.003+08:00

well..
of coz, life's getting better now..
for all the hard work and susah payah.. it's worth every second of it..
thank God.. Alhamdulillah..
now, I think am gonna start to have a dose of blogging everyday of my life now.. coz i need to let it out everything, inside out..
my life is so hectic nowday.. with 2 sons, and Asyraf is one year already, really worn me out.. don't even have time for myself..
n since Ramadhan, my energy also like going down.. pepagi ok lagi.. tapi bile dah start lunch.. mule laa rase letih nak mati.. tak tau nape.. maybe, badan aku ni not enough nutrition kot.. since Asyraf still breastfeeding, so most my nutrient is being sucked by him.. haiz.. penatnye..
so mengantuk already..
continue later..
huuuuaaaaaaaaa~
zzzzz~

resilience

2010-03-21T15:42:00.003+08:00

am browsing around, looking for tips 'improving emotional health'..
most of the tips asked u to get supports from the love ones..
my problem now, my 'the-love-one' is the reason i have the break down..
how to deal with it?
i dun get any support from him..
he won't there for me..
so how am gonna handle my emotional sickness..
am so sick..

huuuuuummm~
i found this...>

Nine psychological tasks for a good marriage

Research on what makes a marriage work shows that people in a good marriage have completed these psychological "tasks":

*

Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.
*

Build togetherness based on a shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner's autonomy.
*

Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.
*

For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby's entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.
*

Confront and master the inevitable crises of life.
*

Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.
*

Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
*

Nurture and comfort each other, satisfying each partner's needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.
*

Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

Thanks to Judith S. Wallerstein, PhD, co-author of the book The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts.

i think.. i have to face him..
all i want from him, stop being ignorance.
be more sensitive towards my feeling..
he should have understand, i have nowhere n nobody to turn to, but him..
he need to spend more time with us not with his friends, we have two little children to take care to, don't leave all the burdens to me, coz am also work my ass like hell..i'm always come home with loads of works, depress n exhausted..
i need a little space n some moment in my life to keep myself insane n breathing..
i love him, n my marriage..i want to work things out..
i wanna be happy, n do what i wanna do in my life..
yeah.. be happy.. it's been awhile, i dun even remember when the last time i am feeling happy,seriously..

i wish, am still gonna b a happy person , one day sooner..

stressful life~

2010-03-21T12:18:00.002+08:00

never imagine i am gona be this stress..
not knowing how to channel it out, it's gone burst someday..
i am supposed to know to handle everything, since am already 28,
being married for 6 years n a mother of two, so whenever things go the other way, i could jez handle them easily..
but..
i can't..
n i feel like wanna leave everything behind, n jez stay in my own world, without anybody else.
my daily life is busy like hell, go to school, tuition classes after skool n babysitting at night. not fair at all, coz he got time to lepak2 n playing futsal with his friends during weekn, n i am at home busying n housekeeping.. the last time he bring us to go jalan2 was last chinese new year. since then, its always him n his friend.
damn!
honestly, am tired of everything.
i think am gonna send my sons to stay with my mom at kg.
by a new car for her.
then i work my ass hard, so that am not gona bother about him anymore.
it's only till the end of this year.
next year my mom gonna retire, n she's gonna staying with me.
so me n my sons gonna get together back.
i am tired.
really exhausted.
i lost.
honestly, i jez don't know what am i supposed to do..

it is hard..

2010-02-21T22:51:00.001+08:00

Since I am in that school, everything goes in a wrong way.. facing trouble all the time.. I don’t know why God making that hard to me.. n my marriage.. is dooming.. sometimes I jez wish I wanna be alone.. do my own things.. without worrying anything else.. but I know it is impossible.. n hunky.. he seems don’t understand, n don’t even try to understand.. sometimes I jez feel guilty.. but sometimes his presence jez drive me mad.. it is so annoying..
am always thinking that someday he’s gonna leave me for other woman bcoz he had enough with me..
O God, what am I thinking..
I love aiman, I love hunky n I love asyraf more than anything.. but sometimes am torn n fall apart.. I wonder, why in the world I have to face this kind of things.. I can’t figure this thing out.. it is so hard, honestly..
am I that weak..?
that once a loser will always be a loser?
I wanna changed...
I don’t wanna be this woman again..
I wanna be a strong woman..
A confident woman, that nobody can underestimate me..
I wanna be the woman who can handle anything n everything..
I wanna be the one that my man desired every second..
I wanna be the lady with that attitude..
I wanna be THAT WOMAN WHO CAN DO ANYTHING SHE WANNA DO!!
I WANNA BE THAT WOMAN!!!!

Argggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear God, please give me strength..
Guide me, show n light my way to the right path..
The path that make me nearer to u..
O God, I keep my faith to You..
Ya Allah, tolong lah hamba Mu ini..

Amiin~

staring at the blank space

2010-01-11T17:04:00.002+08:00

honestly, i feel blank..
tired all day long.
sometimes i jez don't know what i am suppose to do.
poor Aiman and Asyraf.
i don't know i jez feel sorry for them.
well, 24 hours a day ain't enuf for me.
wish my day would be longer.
tho i am still jobless technically.
still my hours a day not enuf.

basically, my morning duty start at 6:30.
well i'm supposed to wake up earlier, but since i'm starting to snooze after midnite everyday seems impossible to wake up subuh earlier.
then prepare breakfast, gosok baju n warmth bath for Aiman.
at the same time, my Doraemon akan bangun for his morning pooping.
after Aiman's ready, settle up Asyraf pulak yg dah poopoo every single morning at seven. *bleh tak budak kecik pooping at the same time everyday. if only adults pun maca, tuh kan bagus, so bleh ar bajet bile time kite nak termenung*
then, get ready for the papa plak, his breakfast and yada, yada, yada..
after 10.00 am baru laa settle for everyone not including me.
pastuh, houseworks nyer turn.
Laundry, dishwashing n etc.
blom siap sume lagi, have to fetch Aiman plak.
Pi amik Aiman, balik prepare lunch for us.
after lunch sambung housework or looking for jobs online or lipat baju.
masuk je kul 3.00, dah tak larat nak wat pe2.
al maklumlah, tido tak cukup, coz am always wake up at the middle of the night either breastfeeding or tutup lampu n tv coz hunky always sleeping with the tv on without switching it off.
in that case, kalo hantar si doraemon tuh kat babysitter.
kalo tak hantar doraemon tuh kat org jaga, hehe, memang i tak leh wat keje pe2 pun kat rumah coz have to attend him 24/7.
haiz.. penat nyer..
i wonder how housewife yg ade anak berbelas-belas leh handle those army.
anak due pun dah tak cukup tangan. inikan anak berbelas n plus, sume kecik2 n jarak dekat-dekat. oh tidak!
well, off for today.
hari ni baru dapat shortlisted sume jobs yg sesuai, blom apply lagi, tak sempat pun.japgi dah nak kene amik asyraf kat baby sitter. then langsung takleh nak wat pe2 dah.honestly, die memang langsung tanak diletak. i wonder how makcik yg babysit die tuh leh handle.
ok.. going for asar. and wish i have a better luck in finding jobs.

my sunctuary..

2009-10-26T13:29:00.002+08:00

oo my..
miss this space lots..
its gona be november already
2009 gonna be end a few months ahead
and am still jobless
sad enuf eh..
hopefully i have a good jump start on 2010..

well, still the old me.
getting older perhaps.
getting wiser?
ehem.
not really.
still trying to crawl out off from my own skin.
but think am more bless with our 2 months old asyraf n our 4 y.o dude aiman.
my marriage is great.
love hunky lots.
the only thing bothering me, money.
we have enuf to survive.
for somthing else?
i dun think so.
even more worried coz aiman gonna attend kindie next year.
and am still jobless.
vewy stressful k.
humm...

tuhlaa...
i am sangat2 berharap by next year, i have a proper job, so takde laa nak kene tukar2 keje lagi.
so, have some faith and move on.

well..
spread some love..
n later..
mmwahxx~

singgah jap..

2009-06-19T12:53:00.002+08:00

lamenyer tak menyinggah kat sini..
wonder if there anyone yg still lagi menjenguk kat page ni once in awhile.
hehe.
well, lotsa things going on.
tapi everytime bukak blogger ni, mesti rase cam malas gile nak update.
this is jez a random entry anyway, coz dah sangap gile tak tau nak watpe..

i am in hungry mode.
tapi malas nak masak.
ape lagi nak kuar lunch.
coz being alone kat rumah, turn me into such a lazy pig.
bukan ape, kalo dah sorang kat umah, nak masak kang, kene basuh periuk kuali.
masak nasik + lauk = lotsa dishes, jez untuk diri sdiri, sgt tak berbaloi k.
end up makan cereal ngan roti for lunch.
umm, janji perut kenyang erk.

tadi on the fon with sya.
rase sangat bersalah tak attend wedding die last weekn.
well, banyak masalah sgt kat rumah ni, so am decided not to go.
my honda dah 3 weeks kat workshop, dapat penyakit yg tak sembuh2..
bosan aku dok berabis duit kat kete buruk tuh.
dah laa tgh takde duit, tak abis2 nysahkan org.. hummm..
well..well..
sangat sangap n keboringan..
am not working for 3 months now.
nak carik keje lain, for sure agak susah nak dapat.
of coz laa, dah 7 months pregger, sape laa nak amik keje.
paling cepat aku leh keje pun bulan 10 nanti.
another 3 months.
well, patutke aku start carik keje skarang.
lagipun bulan lapan nanti baru nak grad.
i think bulan puase kot baru start carik keje.
hopefully di bulan yang mulia nanti rezeki aku murah sikit.
eceh.

honestly, i am psychologically not stable n very insecure.
coz i miss aiman alot (die kat kg for 2 weeks), i am broke,
jobless, heavily pregnant and lonely.
i'm trying to figure out everyday how to keep myself insane.
but i am too lazy to do anything.
masalah betul laa pompuan ni.
haa, one more thing.
i'm having a digestional diabetes, hum, thanx to my dad for giving me the diabetes gene on me.
well, another reason for my depression.
guess what, am starting to lose weight.
and have low blood pressure.
thank goodness..

alot of stressful things happened in my life since 2009 started.
but, i think i am strong enough, tho sometime i feel like giving up my life.
honestly, bersabar is the only words i can hold on to right now.
coz i know, mungkin banyak sangat dosa aku ngan Tuhan sebelum ni, so Dia nak uji aku, aku ni manusia yg jenis sedar diri ke tak.
tapi aku tau, segala susah payah and kesengsaraan aku ni, is really worth every second of it.
Sebab aku tau, Tuhan beri ujian sebab nak suh aku sedar.
kalo aku cukup sabar, keep my faith on, who knows dosa2 aku pun berkurang.
InsyaAllah.
but, hopefully Tuhan kasik jugak kebahagian untuk aku suatu hari nanti sooner or later.
sape tanak idup senang kan?
walaupun camni, aku tetap bersyukur, aku tak kebuluran. aku ade rumah, ade aiman, ade hunky
and ade everything yg aku perlukan untuk survive.
Terima kasih Tuhan untuk segala-galanya.

p/s: there're a few ladies i miss alot. Amar, Wan Rose, Sya and other babes, if u read this, buzz me k. i miss u guys.

rolling mind..

2009-03-30T09:05:00.002+08:00

i really long for such a healthy body, a happy life,
a better job and more friend.
such a meaningful and satisfaction life.
sape tanak kan..?
sume org nak macam tuh..
but i don't taste any of those satisfactory yet.
and i desperately want to..

and i find this question keep bugging on my mind..

"what do you want? What goals or dreams have you set for yourself that haven't yet happened? Is it time to get in
shape or mend a broken relationship? Find a better job or
finally take up that hobby you've been thinking about?"

"what price are you going to pay if you keep putting
it off? What if the chance to act disappears? How will you
feel?"

well, i kinda acknowledge all the answers of the questions.
n i am scared..

humm..
this past few days..
i am in such a gloomy mood.
distress bout something that not even occur yet.
suppress bout my own future, my kids and my marriage.
it's really such a mind bothering.
keep me feeling so insecure.

i should have pray alot.
let my faith lead by God.
and of coz, be greatful..

......

love nest..

2009-03-26T13:56:00.004+08:00

honestly, am kinda tired with my life now.
long for things to get better sooner..
but, it seems so out of reach.
hunky..
i caught him lying to me.
but he never admit it, still i know he lied.
he's good at lying, good at making me feeling guilty, although he's the one to be blame.
am so tired of the drama.
try to shut my mouth up, eventually i jez can shut my lips but not my mind
and my heart.
its started to eat me inside, slowly.
argghhh~!
i want to have a better life.
i want to earned better like u, babe.
so.. what can i do?
so many things i wanna do in my life.
but with the way i live my life now, i have a huge doubt if i can make it or not.

hummm...

i really wanna strip out from my own skin now.
i wanna be a total stranger.
i wanna be someone else.
life is hard..

if only i can be a different person..

hummm~

Law of attraction

2009-03-19T09:13:00.002+08:00

i've been learning about the law of attraction back my days in Prudential.
somehow, i knew it's really work.
tapi aku tak amalkan any single thing i've learned.
agak menyesal laa jugak.
but, watching oprah last nite, stimulate my memories about the law of attraction.
n today, am promise myself, am gonna sit down and think,
what i really want in life.
i use to have my own goal back then.
but, tau jelaa manusia spesis aku ni slalu hangat2 tahi ayam jek.
lotsa of tahi ayam is enuf.
i think i must act now. hehe.
tapi betul laa, kite ni kan, slalu kene ade org yg remind kite.
to keep focus and stay on the track.
walaupun certain things kite slalu dengar almost everyday,
tapi it's good for our soul.
specially bab2 tentang agama.

i know, am such a kepala angin.
kejap ok, kejap ko.
but still, bersyukur gile, coz at least am not stuck in k.o situation all the time.
ade jugak a better day to celebrate.
at this moment, am in thankful mode.
being thankful for everything i have.

ok.

other thing yg membuat aku terpikir pagi tadi masuk on the way nak dtg keje,
ialah aku ni agak suke merungut.
ade je bende aku nak merungut.
pastuh aku teringat laa, smlm aku tgk "keeping up with the kardashians"..
aku suke layan reality drama so much, n the kardashian is one of my fav laa,
tho they are jez bunch of plastics yg gorgeous.
but, despite of their ke'plastik'kan, n kekayaan n gile glamer.
they are bunch of kind hearted brats.
nak kate down to earth, takdelaa sgt.
tapi they don't mind being approached by org kebanyakan dan miskin.
dierang siap tolong lagi kalo org yg die jumpe tuh miskin.
bout last nite episode, it's not really about them.
it's something about the ppl they met at new orleans.
a single mother and 3 kids yg terpakse tinggal dlm trailer for 2 years,
rumah dierang collapse coz Katrina.
and the trailer is barely a home.
sgt sempit n very2 crowded.
n this bunch of Kardashians brats laa yg tolong dierang buat rumah baru
n everything.
ape yg membuat aku kagum gile ngan ibu tunggal anak tiga ni,
die tak pernah merungut sedikit pun pasal life die.
imagine, after Katrina, die sehelai sepinggang.
harta benda sume takde, yg tinggal, anak die 3 org.
she jez moved on, n built a new life with nothing.
she's never whining bout her struggling life, not a single word.
she jez being greatful for being alive.
so, all the kardashians brats dan termasuk aku sdiri, membuat aku terpikir,
life aku jauh lagi baik dari makcik tuh, but instead of being greatful,
hari2 merungut jek.
so does the law of attraction work,
if we keep saying and whining about the bad stuff.
only the bad things will come around.
but if we keep thinking about the good stuff..
only goodness will come.

well, talking bout life.
i know, so many ppl around me having a hard time.
tak cerita psal org2 kat palastine lagi.
kalo aku citer kang, nangis lagi.
but, all i wanna say to myself n to u..
is jez..
being thankful for every single thing we have n
every single moment we live.
so we won't have any regrets later in our life.

Alhamdulillah...~

bugs in my head..

2009-03-17T13:43:00.003+08:00

there're so many things keep bugging n bothering my mind.
after return from kampung, I'm so exhausted from all of things happen around me.
humm..
balik kampung ari tuh, macam2 hal berlaku tapi agak remeh temeh sbenarnye.
but i jez can't keep them off from my mind.
sangat intriguing ok.
nak bergossip with someone else, but no one available to gossip with.

it's about my makcik, my mom's younger sister.
she's having Parkinson desease for 27 years old now.
she's started to have it when she's born her 4th child, same age with me.
the parkinson start to eat her neuron system slowly, n now she can't open her own eyes without somebody else helped.
Later after the 4th daughter born, there's another 2 daughters came later.
there're 6 of thems, 3 sons n 3 daughters.
before i forgot, the 4th daughter the one who born with her parkinson,
is a bit unnormal child.
Even she's already 27, but her mind is still a child's mind.
n guess what, all the others 5 normal daughters n sons are not home
to take care their parkinson's mom,
only the one who being unnorms left to do the job.
she's the one who suapkan nasi,
mandikan mak die,
pakai kan baju,
n celikkan mate mak die bile nak melihat.
sedihkan.. *actually aku tengah teresak-esak menangis ni.. uwaaa~*
along with the farther, she's taking care her mom.
talking about the farther.
at first, i threw a big salute to him.
coz with her wife conditions, he willing to stay n stick with her till now.
but my returned to kampung this time really shocked me hell.
i heard my other makcik cerite about the one who use to be respectable husband,
is no longer deserve the honor.
He's now one devil monster sonofbitch.
the husband eventually lost his patience to deal with parkinson's wife.
die sekarang dah jadi setan, sanggup heret makcik yg hopeless tuh macam binatang,
ke sane ke mari, pastuh siap pukul2 n dera lagi sambil mencarut.
n saying stuff like..
"engkau ni, tak abis2 nak menyusahkan org n tak reti2 nak mampus"
ya Allah, kesian nye..
ape salah die..
dahlaa tak mampu buatpe..
anak2 yg berkemampuan, jarang2 ade tunjuk muke.
laki pula dera die macam tuh.
sampai skarang, aku macam terganggu gile psal makcik aku ni.
one thing yg sgt mengganggu aku,
if sumthing like this happen to me.
would my husband do the same thing to me?
would my children also gonna act like that?
Nauzubillah~
mintak2 Tuhan jauhkan aku dari segala bencana.
apelaa nasib makcik aku tuh nanti.
sampai bile die dilayan camtuh.. aku pun tak pasti..
semoga Tuhan cepat2 hentikan kerja2 laknat laki die tuh.
dan semoga anak2 die diberi petunjuk.

dan semoga aku juga tidak tergolong darpada golongan yang dilaknat Tuhan.
ya Allah, takutnya aku..~

irritation..

2009-03-12T09:27:00.003+08:00

am starting to get more irritate by ppl around me every each day..
the miss positive i wanna be, slowly fade away.
mmm, apelaa aku ni.
sometime i feel i have some kind of depression lately.
i read at paper, n watched tv, as if am having all the symptoms of the depression.
tapikan, bile pikir balik, am pregnant..
so, it's jez normal to have such a mood swing, dimana aku boleh berase gumbira, then seminit selepas itu berasa macam sial.
i dunno laa, if its jez the hormon or am really having kinda depression.
whatever it is, doesn't bring any good to me.
i jez dunno what can i do to trigger my mood, a better happy mood.
shopping perhaps?
of coz laa shopping sangat menggumbirakan.
tapi masalah nyer, bajet kurang laa bulan ni.
ape nak buat ar?
hummm...?

15 weeks pregger

2009-02-26T14:43:00.003+08:00

next week i'll be 4 months pregger..
perut dah agak besar.
but still, if am wearing a lose fit shirt, nobody know am pregnant.
coz am so surprisingly a bit skinny.
aku pun tak bajet aku leh kurus lagi.
ingatkan second baby ni aku akan menembam kan diri.
tapi tidak same sekali.
coz, aku sangat tak lalu makan, n takleh nak makan banyak.
kalo makan nasi sepinggan penuh, rase macam nak pecah perut ni.
slalu tak banyak makan.
biase bile pregnant, org cakap we're eating for two.
but i think for me, am not eating for two, am eating for the baby only.
sebab sikit gile aku makan, huhu..

about the baby..
here is the baby, 15weeks year old..

sebesar size buah apple n seberat 2oz=600gm
kecik jek kan.
humm, tak sabar nak tungu die kuar.
hehe..
am already pick the name for the baby.
if it's a boy..
his name will be ASHRAF FAROUK
if a girl..
her name is gonna be ANNA SUFIYA
hehe, nama glamer abis..
i pick the name for a reason..
coz nanti bleh kasik nick name ANNA SUE..
i know it's sounds gediks, tapi tak kesahlaa..
aku nak gak letak name tuh..
actually banyak gile name yg aku list down kat internet..
speshly for the girl..
banyak name best2..
whatever it is..
it' gonna be Anna Sufiya..hahahahaa

klaa, enuf bout the name..
sambung keje plak..
ngantuk lor..
huuu~

bod-lucious...

2009-02-20T09:36:00.002+08:00

am always dream to have such a great perfect body and flawless skin.
well, everyone does meh.
thats why, am a huge fan of ANTM.
luv tyra lots and all the gorgeous chics.
wish i have their looks. haiz~
but my ultimate beautiful body i dream of is the bod of Anna Faris in The Bunny House.
the perfectly engineered boobs n butt..
n the finely toned biceps n legs..
fuuuh.. i wish i had the bod.
one day, i know, sooner or later..
when things gonna fall into the places..
everything sail smoothly..
then am gonna start to engineered my body like the anna faris do.
tho it ain't perfect like her.
at least, agak2 macam die pun dah more than enough.
yeah, am promise myself.
the day will come.
hehe..

getting wiser or just getting older..?

2009-02-19T13:45:00.003+08:00

the same topic copied from carry bradshaw.
well, do u ever ask urself something like that?
are u getting wiser when u're getting older?
or u jez getting older without being wiser?
hummm, if u ask me a few months ago.
i think i jez get older.. not getting wiser at all..
but when there was sumthing happened, i found my turning point.
where i back to pangkal jalan n never look back again.
that's when i think am alot wiser now than a few months back.
but still, i cudn't get it
why all this while i never learned my past mistakes?
why am still act childish and being such a fool (in other word, being stupid..)?
why am doing all those stuffs?

looking back, sumtimes i felt so jijik with myself.
but i know, menyesal ke tidak, i cudn't turn back and change history.
so many regrets in my life, but of coz, there're lotsa of lessons to learn to..
well, part of it is trying how to be optimist n positive..
honestly, its kinda hard coz ppl i meet daily are far from being optimist.
haizz~ sangat susah k.
all of em are so pesissmist, kekadang aku yang nak jadik positive pun terkena ion negative skali.
so, i jez teach myself to put away all the negativity,
n absorb all the positive vibe.
oklaa, walaupun positiveness is still a bit slow.
at least am making progress k.
hum, am so proud of myself. haha.

alrite miss positive, i really wanna be ur bff.
so, lets done our zohor now, hehe. (padahal dah 2.30pm, baru nak zohor..humm~)
whateverlaa, gambate to myself..!
i luv u babes!!
mmwahxxx!

hatred inside my head!

2009-02-19T09:51:00.004+08:00

who are u to keep asking me to do things for u, hah?
tak bleh ke kalo ko jumpe aku, ko tak suh aku buat tuh buat ni?
ko ingat aku ape?
kuli batak ko?
ko ingat aku takde keje lain ke selain buat keje kat ko?
gaji aku yg berkurun tuh pun ko tak bayar lagi, pastuh nak suh aku buat keje for free?
hoh, banyak cantek muke ko?
aku tengok muke ko pun aku dah benci gile.
dulu sedap laa ko suh aku buat tuh buat ni, ko kan tuan mude.
sedap2 jek mengarah orang.
sakarang aku dah blah pun nak nak ngarah2 org lagi.
haram laa aku nak tolong ko.

argghhh!

huumm... deep breath...

love for him..

2009-02-16T10:53:00.002+08:00

my weekn was great.
i wish another one more day break.
hehe.
my big gratitude to Madam Rose n family, and also to Madam Siti n family.
Last weekn, macam family day weekn, keje aku merempat rumah orang jek.
even sleep over kat rumah orang.
best laa, dapat special treatment.
tapi agak segan jugak sbenarnye. tapi takpelaa..
huhu..

finally, dapat befday gift from hunky.
di mana aku sdiri pilih ape aku nak.
tho aku sbenarnye prefer die belikan hadiah untuk aku, instead of aku pick hadiah pe.
sebab aku akan rase bersalah gile kalo spend duit die bebanyak.
huhu~ aku kan isteri mithali. uhuk!
now i miss hunky alot.. humm..

i've been reading metros' this morning.
bout sum wife willing to do ridiculous thing to make sure her husband not cheating n stay loyal to her.
sumthing like putting their own najis kat dalam husband nyer food..
pakai tangkal tuh, pakai susuk ni.
sumthing really khurafat.
well, who am i laa nak cakap bende2 agama ni.
but, are u willing to do such things jez to make sure your dear husband stay faithful to u?
kalau aku, i dun think aku akan buat sumthing yang macam kite ni dah takde agame.
of coz aku akan cari something from Islamic side.
macam certain doa untuk kebahagiaan rumahtangga.
n i found lotsa doa are coming from Al-Quran.
Some wise people suggest read surah Toha.
Dr. Fadhilah Kamsah suggest recite doa from Surah Yusuf: Ayat 4.
and for me.
i keep berdoa using the one from my mom gave.
aku tak tau laa mane die amik.
it is jez simple doa, and easy to remember.
if u can't memorize in Arabic, baca jelaa ikut bahase yang kite paham.
the meaning of the doa is sound more like this;

"Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, Hubungkanlah kasih sayang aku dan suamiku sepertimana hubungan Adam dan Hawa"s

macam simple jek.
but, lame2 you can feel the difference.
specially for someone who has been married for 5 years like me.
hahaha...
di mana kasih sayang masih lagi wujud.
tetapi kesungguhan, keriangan dan sewaktu dengannye, tidak lagi seperti dua tahun pertama kita mendirikan rumahtangga.
coz everything are so common and life's ruled by routine.
so, saye mencadangkan ibu2 mengamal sebarang doa untuk mengekalkan kebahgiaan rumah tangga ibu2 sekalian.
janganlaa pula ibu2 membomohkan suami ibu.
kerana, apakah perasaan ibu jika ibu dibomoh oleh suami?
huhu~

btw, expecting another family member, brings more sparks in our life.
where i saw lotsa changes from our first son and hunky.
am soo happy and feel really bless.
thank you..

May Allah keep raining us with blessig and love from Him. amiin..~

menguap jer keje..

2009-02-13T09:55:00.003+08:00

pepagi gi keje mesti rase letih n mengantuk.
cam mane ar nak ilangkan rase letih pepagi.
mesti sebab malam tak betul2 tido erk.
semalam dah tido awal.
hunky balik kul 10, lepak ngan die, dah langsung takleh nak tido.
alih2 kul 1 baru tido.
dah tido lambat.
tido plak tak lena.
subuh malas bangun awal.
padahal alarm asyik snooze since 5.50am.
bukannye tak sedar, sedar jek dok tekan alarm kasik snooze sampai kul 7.
haizz.. mane tak beku otak, kul 7 baru bangun subuh.
memang dari kecik lagi aku memang liat gile nak bangun pagi.
tapikan, aku suke ar plak tgk orang yang suke bangun pagi.
speshly on weekn.
sbenarnye bangun pagi on weekn sangat best.
leh gi kuar breakfast.
lepak makan2 sambil bace paper.
tapi masalah nyer, kalo dah weekn, keje nyer membute je laa..
arghh, sangat susah nak break bad habit nih.
aku nak bangun pagi!
huuu~

bongeklaa!!!!

2009-02-12T12:47:00.002+08:00

i start my day with such a fine feeling.
having a great dinner n a great sex last nite, really stimulating..hehe
but..
when the noon come..
and lotsa matters came and demand my attention.
i start to feel suck!
arggghhh!

seriously tak suke bile deal ngan orang yg bongek.
para pekerja yang jage lab, tapi tak penah ade kat lab.
manager insurans yg bongek, pikir psal die nyer duit jek.
hoh! tak suke gile.

sabarjelaa..

sib baik laa my current boss ni macam baik gak ar.
takdelaa nak tokok tambah aku nyer fenin ni.
ntah2 die yg pening nak layan aku yg macam2 hal ni.
hehe.

apepun babe,
have a great thursday.

i luv hunky.
i luv aiman.
i luv me.
i luv everyone.

yawn!!

2009-02-10T09:58:00.003+08:00

i want to whining and complaining.
i don't care!
i have such a very bad morning (biaselaa after 3 days break)..
hoh!

i hate my colleague, this one particular guy in my office.
jez a technician.
and act like typical kelantanese guy.
pepagi masuk office, keje die mengeluh dan komplen psal kejer.
kutuk2 bos. takde keje lain.
sampai cair taik telinge aku.
kalo ko buat je keje2 diam2 tak bleh ke.
kalo dah tak suke sgt kat bos, pegilaa cari keje lain.
takyah nak bising.
kalo tanak, buat jelaa keje.
kate kite ni kuli, buat laa care jadi kuli.
ini nak dengki ngan bos.
kalo camtuh, jadilaa bos sdiri.
takyahlaa nak memekak.
haish! bingit telinge aku tau.

pastuh kete aku lak satu hal.
hunky tukar seat bucket.
aku rase nak nangis jek bawak kete tadi.
kene letak tige bijik bantal, baru laa kaki aku leh tekan cluc.
tension gile.
aku dah cakap dah, aku takleh nak bawak kete kalo pakai seat tuh.
tiga bijik bantal ok.
tuh pun takleh nak tekan cluc sampai abis.
arghhhh~ stress gile.
sampai bile aku nak bawak kete camtuh.
huwaaa~

so now..
am looking for sumthing nak ilangkan stress n calm me down.
takdelaa aku kene deal masalah besar pun.
pun it's really spoil my morning k.
n aku konpem, one whole day aku akan muncung n marah2.
haiz...

looking for material..

2009-02-05T13:47:00.004+08:00

last weekend, for the first time am stepping in Gucci's, Fendi's and Dior's at klcc.
tak kesahlah walaupun agak jakun, layan jelaa..
bukan slalu pun layan nafsu materialistik aku nih,*cess menipu gile*
tapikan, bile masuk usha2 barang dalam butik tuh, aku rase macam tak best ar..
beside the uncomfortable feeling that 'aku memang takde duit nak beli barang2 tuh sume'..
aku rase kan, one day aku ade banyak pitis, aku tak rase aku akan spend kat butik2 cam tuh.
yelaa, aku ni kan org kampung.
macam mak mertue aku cakaplaa.
ko beli Dior 10, 20 ribu, pastuh ko bawak balik kampung,
mesti orang kampung tengok dan melihat dengan penuh rase kagum,
lalu berkate..
"aloh mek, comey nyor beg mek nih.. beli mano weh? beli ratau panje ke?"
translation
"hey girl, your bag is so hot. where did you buy it? is it at rantau panjang?"
oklaa, hanya gadis2 yang berasal dari kelantan dan yang pernah tinggal kat kelantan jek will get the joke.
soweylaa, joke aku racist kelantan sket.
ok, back to the topic.
nak ke ko beli barang yang harga setahun ko nyer gaji,
balik kampung makcik ko cakap bag tuh ko beli kat pasar borong.
mesti bernanah telinge ko die cakap camtuh kan.
humm, bukan nyer aku tak brand concious ke pe.
i jez seem don't like what i saw.
pegi ngan kakak-kakak ipar ku yang smemangnye very high taste,
walaupun sbenarnye takdelaa berkemampuan nak membeli barang2 camtuh,
but they seem like it so much.
humm..
aku pun agak brand concious, takdela sampai level cam tuh.
kalo aku ade duit pun, aku tak pegi klcc shopping kat sane.
alang2 dah duit belambak, aku lagi prefer pegi bandung or bangkok, purchase sumthing yg smemang nye takde kat mesia.
barang kat sane murah, besides, walaupun murah, tuh bukan barang imitation tau.
sume ori, tapi reject.
cam ko pegi reject shop untuk prada, gucci, dior n yadayadayada..
alaaa, kalo duit bersepah-sepah sangat, why don't pegi uk ke, spain ke, italy ke beli terus kat sane.
ape susah.
tapi kan, masalah nye kite ni skarang bukan banyak duit sangat pun.
nak beli vinnci nyer stilettos pun aku terpakse pikir 5,6 kali.
ape tah lagi nak beli ck nye kasut.
unless, dapat shopping fendi kat petaling street,
memang laa aku tak pikir panjang. heheh.
but for me now, aku suke cari barang yang ekslusif.
exclusive, bukan maksud aku barang mahal bergaya.
exclusive for me is sumthing yang jarang orang pakai n jumpe.
like the bag kelabu yg aku pakai sekarang.
genuine leather, from vietnam.
no brand.
tapi jahitan die cantik gile, n kemas.
aku jumpe satu kedai kecik gile, n sangat tersorok sumwer dekat ampang.
n kedai tuh cam pelik, ade gak jual telekung smayang, so takyah laa risau pasal leather tuh.
yang pasti nyer, aku tak penah jumpe lagi other ppl wearing the same handbag like me.
yeay...
so, takdelaa ko lepak klcc, every single person ko jumpe pakai handbag same cam ko.
gile tak best.
speshly time raye, chances nak jumpe org pakai handbag n kasut yg same adalah sgt tinggi.
aku penah skali, ari tuh saje laa beli bag mng.
first time aku purchase mng, walaupun aku bukannye suke sgt pun.
bag tuh nak wat raye.
n guess what, mase raye aku jumpe 2,3 org wearing the same handbag cam aku.
hoh, gile tak best.
so, baik aku beli jek sumthing yang aku suke, tak kesahlaa kalo takde brand pon.
janji aku chenta sama itu bag, cukuplaa.
n s long s makcik kat kg aku pun takdelaa ingat aku beli kat pasar malam wakaf che yeh, pun dah kire ok ar tuh.

oklaa makcik, enough laa psal bag.
dah banyak dah bag kat umah tuh.
setahun skali beli bag pun dah kire cukup bagi aku.
brand ke tak branded ke, kalo ade bajet lebih bleh ar..
kalo tak.. humm..
pepaham jelaa..

oleh yang demikian, saye berseru kepade gadis2 dan ibu2 di sane, marilah kite berjimat cermat, agar pada suatu hari kita boleh bershopping sakan tanpa lupe diri. Dan bahawasa nye kite, terpakse menyimpan sedikit duit gaji untuk beberape bulan semate-mate mendapatkan sebiji bag tangan yang cantek bergaye.
sekian, harap maklum.

new beginning..perhaps?

2009-01-31T12:14:00.002+08:00

well, to start a new life is ain't easy.
at the very beginning, it sounds great and exciting.
but, to stay on the line and get focus, arghh~ susahnyer!
banyak sangat distraction, and you keep attempt to break the rules you have made for yoourself.
but am greatful anyway, coz the Lord has made my eyes wide open.
InsyaAllah, things won't be the same anymore.
and i pray hard and try to work hard for it.

Thank God.. for the blessing and faith..

fusssing..

2009-01-09T11:48:00.003+08:00

so much things mingle in my brain now.
about baby, study, economy, works, wishes, friends and food.

i've been worried bout 7 weeks ol baby inside this yummy tummy.
last nite i called Dr. Chuck, my hubby's best fren n a good fren of mine about my worries laa.
why am i being worried so much?
hummm.. well, i jez found out am pregnant about 2 weeks ago.
so that's mean, it's already 5 weeks old at that time.
and within that unknown 5 weeks, i've been smoking casually, not casually laa..
coz i can finish 6-7 cigars a day.
haizzz~
and smoking during pregnany is really a big no-no.
aku sangat takut ok.
takut gile.
what if sumthing bad happen to this baby becoz of this farking stupid habit?
hummm.. risau nyer aku~
well, am totally cut off this habit yg sgt sial.
erghhhh~ ..
hopefully nothing bad happen.
and this baby will be born normally n beautifully.. InsyaAllah..
talking bout baby..
i miss 2 of my baby nephews alot..
huwaaaaa~
teringat gile kat dierang..

this lil 3 months old Elyas, jez return from Dublin.
Last Wednesday, dapat baby sit die jap, oh sangat adorable.
membuatkan aku jatuh hati dan merindui mu..
uwaaaa~
after sampai mesia sari, the next day terus gi Bandung.
lucky guy, 3 months ol dah dapat buat world tour.
i wonder what this lucky guy will become when he grows up?
hummm...?

other lil dude yg hunky tgh dukung itu, name die en.arif.
a shy guy, barely speak, expressionless, sangat manje and vewy2 adorable.
love to play chicken chicks wif me. that's the only time i saw him laughing.
thats why am missing him lots.
kerana telah berjaya membuatkan budak kecik ini ketawa terkekeh-kekeh ^o^

burp..~
hehe, kenyang. good food really makes my day. yeay!

about study.
aku sambung blajar.
last week pegi register.
hopefully, within this month aku leh siapkan thesis tuh.
then, this year leh grad. aaaaminnn~
thanx to all my babes yg banyak kasik nasihat2 yg sgt memberangsangkan itu.
i luv u! mmmwahxxxxx~~~~

then, memandangkan aku tgh siapkan thesis tuh,
aku terpakse lor berkemut sket psal bab duit ni.
ekonomi sewiously merundum nih.
baru jek tadi borak ngan brother newspaper kat bawah.
die citer, member die keje kat western digital.
pastuh mase dapat gaji bulan 12, terus company kasik gaji bulan 1 skali.
tau nape die kasik gaji bulan 1 skali?
sebab die suh pekerja2 dierang sume amik cuti sampailaa company tuh beroperasi balik.
bile company tuh nak beroperasi balik pun, tak tau bile.
sampai macam tuh skali erk ekonomi jatuh.
western digital tuh kire company yg agak strong gak ar.
tapi kene tutup kedai.
haizzz~
sib baik aku nyer company, macam takde effect langsung ngan ekonomi skarang.
relax jek generate duit.
rezeki dierang kot.
n probably, rezeki aku gak erk.

talking bout work n economy.
i've been thinking, what kind of job that am looking for actually?
of coz there're lotsa kind of job that i want to.
i wanna be a photographer, a beautician, an hairstylist, graphic designer, interior designer or fashion designer perhaps..? hehe..
sume nyer required such a creative mind.
humm, if i can be one of those at least, mesti aku passionate gile kan.
yelaa, u've been paid for sumthing u always love.
best ar.
sebab tuh, ppl who luv their jobs, mesti die sangat bersungguh-sungguh wat keje kan.
alaa, macam ko suke masak, pastuh org bayar plak utk ko masak.
mesti laa lagi ko suke masak2.
humm.. whatever laaa..
my dream, to have a photography studio n printing n design company.
InshaAllah..

well, aku dah tak larat dah nak menaip ni.
lapar laa plak.
there's 2 things dlm kepale otak aku skarang yg aku nak makan.

1. Hor Fa Mee From Ol Town
2. Prosperity Burger

humm, tunggu jelaa hunky blanje nanti.
malas nak kuar duit sdiri, hehe.

chao!

bLuEs Fr|daY..

2009-01-09T09:45:00.002+08:00

it such a bad morning.
dengan weather yg mendung jek pagi ni.
hah, memang elok laa tuh ngan mood of the day.
dah laa bangun keje lambat, last nite tido plak lambat.
bangun ngan muke muncung jek.
tak sempat nak breakfast kat umah.
ingat after punch kad, nak kuar breakfast jap.
elok plak,duit tak bawak.
lagilaa bad mood abis.
dah tak tau camner nak ilangkan blues nih.
stress betul!

Lapar!!!! uwaaaaaaa~

k,laaa..
sambung later, after perut dah kenyang. huhu..

rAnD0m|zEd..

2009-01-07T13:37:00.003+08:00

.: HER :.

the most influence person in my life.
i know i disappoint her a lot after from one to another mistakes i did in my life.
i know am such a failure for her.
it breaks me down anyway, to know she feels that way towards me.
i used to be so manje with her when i was a kid.
the one that her wish always be granted.
but when i started to live my life in boarding school.
we falled apart.
and there came the crisis storm in our house.
i became bitter n cold person.
never really cared about what happened around me.
things getting more complicated every each day.
i was always wish that i could go away n live on my own.
well, basically my wish kinda came true.
coz since 13 years ol, i never had a chance to stay home more than a month.
till my final year in 'U', i've got married and never got a chance to live under one roof with her again.
i wish i could fix things up with her.
but i can't. It's really hard for me to open up and feel warmth towards her.
sumthings i never did for 20 years.
lame tuh..
haiiiz~...
"Syurga Di Bawah Tapak Kaki Ibu"
i try to be grateful, coz i still have a chance to make it up things with her.
but how am gonna do it?
ummm... tak tau laaa~

:(

.: Love n Hate :.

ever heard a song "Cinta Dalam Hati" from Ungu.
i had a younger guy fall for me before.
he dedicate this song to me.
is it true..
in love with someone alone can make you happy.
of coz laa, kite happy bile in love.
tapi in love saje without having the person u love, cukup ke utk kite bahagie?
but, its absolutely not for me.
when am in love, i'll do anything to make him mine.
if i cant, jez forget about it.
tapi masalahnye, ade gak org camtuh erk.
hummm..
lantak laa dierang.
aku pi susah2 pening sakit kpale watpe.
takde keje tul.

k laa back to work.
tadi tgh emo sket.
takde mood ar plak nak sambung citer.
hummm.. ^___^"

sakit perut ar..

2009-01-06T13:25:00.002+08:00

adeh... subuh2 lagi dah kuar masuk toilet.
tension ar camni. tatau salah makan pe.
yg pasti, b4 tido smlm, minum susu segelas.
no wonder laa perut aku memberontak ari ni. huuuuu~

lame dah tak update blog ni.
sbenarnye, ade gak beberape cubaan untuk mengupdate.
tetapi gagal.
cam taktau pe nak type.

mmm..

wel, ari ni dah 6 days after new year eve.
first time celebrating new year ari tuh.
hehe. dah laa mlm tuh kuar bujang.
lepak kat starbux klcc lagi.
memang sedap jek cuci mate mlm tuh.
tapi, being a bini orang n mak orang, i jez kept it low jek.
takde ar nak gile glamer n gedix.
walaupun agak sangap, 4 jam melangut kat situh manunggu detik 12mlm.
overall, it was so fun to be around my babes. yeay!!

my weekn kinda bowink.
nothing much. nothing fun.
so did yesterday.
lagilaa bad mood gile.
ari ni pun camtuh gak.
akupun tatau bile mood aku nak elok.
asik bad mood jek memanjang.
kalo cakap2 ngan hunky pun, mesti nak marah2 jek.
poor hunky. huhuuu~ windu kat die ar.
dahlaa smlm balik lambat. tak sempat nak manje2.
hunky..
i miss u lor..

weekender

2008-12-20T14:00:00.002+08:00

am at orange watching 'the house bunny' online.
coz ain't got interesting stuf to do.
layan jelaa muvi online.

well, how i feel now?

umm, am feeling kinda good.
greatful.
thankful for a such fine day.
hahahaha!
a lil bit sangap actually.
tapi as long as ade activity kire ok ar ni.
tgh tunggu hunky abis keje.
maktuk kene admit hospital lak, batuk berdarah.
risau ar gak.
me at seksyen 5 skarang, tunggu jelaa hunky kol baru balik.
mrr2 konfem jam gile.
so, ikut jalan ampang jelaa.
dah abis one hour nanti, blah je ar.

klaa.. pi layan house bunny balik.
daaa~

kesangapan..

2008-12-18T14:26:00.003+08:00

sangapnyer kat opis nih..
dah takde keje nak dibuat.
tho hari ni dtg lambat, pegi jumpe dentist,
still rase cam.. haiz~ lambat nye mase berlalu.
talking bout dentist.. ummmm..
i have to take out two of my teeth.
huuu~
alamatnye rongak ar aku nanti..
tuhlaa, sape suh tak jage gigi bebetul.
takut plak jadik cam both of my parents.
by 40+ sume gigi dah takde.
oh tidak!
btw,
thanx to my babe, temankan aku gi klinik.
hehe, padahal bleh jek gi sesorang.
tapi saje nak ngade2, bawak teman. ngeehahaha!

so...

^_^"

wer babe atsu, tak online kah hari ni?
time takde keje laa die tanak memunculkan diri.
dah mati kutu, tak tau nak buat pe.
hummm...lalalalala..
nak buatpe ar?

it's over jesse Mc

2008-12-17T16:48:00.003+08:00

am jez listening to this song alot, lately.
its' over-jesse mc cartney.
humm, i think, today also gonna be a random entry.
bukan pe, buat random entry cam senang sket.
each topic tuh leh wat pendek2 je.
so takde ar nak kene perah idea nak tulih pe pepanjang.
hehe. gile pemalas pompuan ni.

1. going green

i dunno why, unconsciously am starting to have some kind of environment conscious.
start with, tak membuang sampah merate-rate. kulit gule, coklat mesti simpan dlm bag dulu, bile dah jumpe dust bin baru buang. lately, beli baju, bayar, terus masuk bag.
no more plastic bag. buat pe pakai plastic bag. nanti buang tong sampah gak. unless ade certain plastic bag aku simpan wat recycle, pakai balik. pastuh siap lecture anak-anak murid aku lagi. "kertas yg dah pakai, jangan buang suke hati. simpan je.later, dah bertimbun, jual laa kat old news paper."
tapi babe, betul cakap aku. try pikir erk, ok let say everyday everyone of us save 1 piece of a4 paper.n there are hundred of us. so everyday, we'll recycle 100 pcs of a4 paper. for a month, we'll save 3000 pcs. a year dah brape pieces kite leh recycle, n imagine how many trees we could save. itu kalo 100 ppl jelaa kat malaysia buat cam tuh. kalo more than 100 yg buat.n we save more than an a4 a day. mesti lagi banyak leh kite save, tul tak?
so babes, let's going green..

"going green is a new pink"

2. Works

memandangkan keje tengah banyak. jap lagi dah nak balik.
len kali laa sambung sesi random merandom ni.
hahahahahahahahah!

am feeling s***

2008-12-17T09:16:00.002+08:00

aku malas nak mencarut sbenarnye pepagi ni.tapi rase sangat sux.
mane taknyer, last month nyer gaji tak dapat-dapat lagi.
babi betul! aku tgh broke gile ni. nak mintak ngan hunky pun,
duit dah kurang. hari tuh balik kg, dah abis banyak duit.
langsung broke gile.
hummm, yg lagi satu tuh, masalahnye, bleh tukar kete baru, pindah ofis.
tapi gaji staff, sekor pun takleh nak bayar.
lancau gile!
argghh!!!

changing skin..

2008-12-15T15:38:00.003+08:00

tukar layout..hehe! pakai template jek senang. simple n senang nak bace.
layout yg lame tuh cam dah boring gile.lame gile pakai. malas nak edit n update. ngeehahahaha!
sangap ni. sorang kat ofis.. ingat nak buat random entry jek.. humm~

1. Body aku slouch. one of the reason why am slouching coz tanak kasik boobs aku nampak ketare besar. ok, my boobs quite besar untuk body aku yg agak petite. so, everytime pakai body hugging, my boobs dapat attention unconditionally from men. huh! sangat tak suke ok. tapi bile dah slalu slouch, dah jadi habit lak duduk bongkok sket. oh tidak! aku tanak jadik hunchback! tak rela!tak rela!

2. Pagi tadi dengar fly fm. dorang bincang psal topik.. "are u gonna pick brain over sumthing else?"
for me laa, am always attracted to guy with brain. thats why i was head over heel toward my ex, i luuurve his brain. then here come the looks in second place. tho looks is in 2nd place, guy with brain without looks also gonna be rejected. hahahaha!
sungguh kejam. that's why hunky is the combination of bright brain, good looks n hot bod. yeah baby! yeah!

3. My weekn adalah sangap. tapi oleh kerane berjaye pegi swimming n hang out wif the gals, my sunday end with the smile in my face.hehe. tho saturday kene keje,then 24 hours sleeping, i think everything jez fine laa.

4. Anyone dah buat azam baru? for me next year, banyak bende nak target nih. kene buat list n planning, kalo rajin buat ar time frame skali. hopefully, takde ar set goal jek, buatnye tidak. tapi slalu nyer macam tuh ar. hehehe..

5. dah tak tau nak cite psal ape lagi. tadi bos balik,dah kene panggil suh betulkan position pokok bunge fake yg die dapat kat dlm ofis die. pastuh, langsung aku tak ingat nak tulih pe. so..
next time jelaa sambung balik.

Happy Black Monday! mmwahxmmwahx!!

ummm..

2008-12-12T16:58:00.003+08:00

Thank God..
my kekusutan dah berkurangan..

Alhamdulillah..

i feel alot better..
dah dapat duit nak bayar hutang.
ade duit sket isi minyak kete.
dapat lunch ngan fira.
n sangap takde keje kat ofis.
huumm..
better!

what's in my mind now, tgh pikir.
how i can be a better person?
physically n emotionally.
i think my physical not that bad laa..
except for my facial skin n my perut laa..
other part? bleh laa score lebih sket.
i think, being me rite now,
kinda oklaa..
coz i have the confident in me.
but being confident alone ain't enuf.
there's 2 main things i wanna seed in myself.
charisma and discipline.
i know, it's not easy to be a charismatic person.
but charisma can be develope slowly.
for me, charismatic people always impress me alot.
person like syarifah armani, really blow me away.
to be confident n bold at the same time very ease with people..
humm~ agak susah ar.
but am trying.. trying hard..

be discipline..
discipline for me is the hardest things.
tho sumtime i do have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD),
tapi kekadang je.
so bile aku dah sampai angin malas n bad mood.
rumah cam tokang pecah.
duit spend sesuke hati.
n keje nyer melepak jer memanjang with the gals.
thats y laa i wanna be a discipline freak.
for me, self-discipline is one way to be great n successful.
n i define my past failure is totally because of lack of self discipline.
if only i can synchronize between my conscious n subconscious mind.
fuhh! konfem i'll be the person who i always want to be.

but..

humm..

what kind a person i wanna be..?

u?

what kind of person u wanna be?

kusut..

2008-12-12T09:13:00.003+08:00

i shud get my cek today.
but i dunno if the woman stil want to fucked up,
habislaa aku.
but hopefully not.

well, kenapakh aku mempunyai sindrom mengantuk pada waktu pagi yg sangat kronik.
dah tak tau dah nak buat camner.
nak kate tido lambat, takde ar lambat.
tapi selalu nye, tido malam takde ar lena sangat.
mungkin sebab tak tido lena sangat kot, tuh yg pepagi mengantuk je keje.

haiz~...

beside of mengantuk.
kepale pun tgh kusut ni.
lotsa dilemma, sampai aku sdiri pun jadi konfius.
tak tau nak buat ape.
susah ar camni..

ish!ngantuk laa. tension ar ni!

chenta~

2008-12-02T16:08:00.003+08:00

hey, am kinda like my new job now.
hahaha..
apelaa aku ni.
smlm actually macam homesick ngan ofis lame n my one n only ofismet, feera.
tapi ari ni cam dah ok.
all the galz smlm pujuk aku, 'sabar jelaa..'
including hunky.
suh aku blajar susah2 sket.
sume nak senang, ape citer ar.
so, today i learn to luv new thing, new environment n new ppl.
n i started to like it.
humm.. am glad n thankful.
muahxmuahx to the galz n hunky..

aduss..
nak 'uk'uk lak.
later~

bongek..

2008-12-01T16:59:00.002+08:00

haiz..
new job sux!
really sux than my previous job..
so, think am gonna return to melawati jugak..later on..
i jez can't stand it..
kalo gaji jauh lagi mahal, takpe gak..
ni gaji same jek..
bile pk balik..
tanak ar aku..
tsk..
adakah aku sangat mengade-ade..
i dun think so..
becoz they pay me wif the same amount of money..
am gonna pick for the one that give more benefits..
even sumthing like, wearing casual clothes to work..
flexible working hours..
job that more challenging n require my creativity..
of coz am picking the one which has more freedom..
hey, dierang kasi gaji same ar..
kalo tak same
takpe gak..
cam ni ar..
due company kasi gaji same..
let say, both kasi 2k..
A company..
give all the flexiblelity u need..
even the boss is so kind towards u..
he always gave the compliments u need..
then..
the B company..
they are very strict.
die nyer keje, mak ai banyak gile..
simple admin work, tapi banyak gile babi..
boss plak.. jap2 menjeling.. jap2 kasi jelingan tajam..
sampai ko nak terkentut pun takut..
humm..
tapi, company besar..
full with potential..
ofis cantek jek..
tapikan, masalahnyer kan, sebesar-besar ofis ni..
aku sorang je pompuan..haiz..
dah lah sume brader2 kat sini nerdy..
aku rase cam, aku lagi pervert dr dierang..
adush..
lemah tul..
umm..
nampak sangat aku suke keje kat company A tuh..
yelaa, gaji same babe..
kalo die kasi gaji lebih 2,3 rat ok gak..
ni, same..
dah laa sabtu kene keje..
malas nyer..!
ish, ngade ar aku ni..!
keje jelaaa diam2..
banyak komplen plak minah ni..
erk.. tetibe ade alter ego plak..
hehe..
another 10 minutes to go home..
jez can't wait to meet the girlz..
girlz.. help me..
huuu~

tsk!

2008-11-21T16:53:00.002+08:00

isk, aku dah pujuk rayu hunky..
smlm, baru nak bermanje-manje
aku kuarlaa pujuk rayu aku psal duit tuh,
terus die turn off kemanjaan die..
n terus buat aku rase bersalah gile menyusahkan die lagi.
sampai skarang pun aku rase bersalah.huhu~

dahlaa tadi pegi jumpe client aku kat Damansara.
pastuh terus balik ofis kat melawati.
civic hitam aku ni plak buat hal, takde aircon..
huhu~ memang dalam sauna ar.
sampai ofis, baju aku lencun gile.
konfem aku nyer muke pun legap habis.
dahlaa jerawat banyak ni..
uwaaaaa!!!!!
bleh bayangkan betape huduhnye aku.
tak bleh jadi ni..!
hunky aku makin hensem..
aku plak makin tak cun, ape cite..humm!
have to do sumthing nih!

so, jalan citernye hari ni..
aku stress gile..
air cond rosak..
lesen takde..
poket kosong..
humm..
camner ar..?

cool things

2008-11-19T16:16:00.002+08:00

lately rase cam malas gile nak blogging
bleh tak, aku rase cam dah tak tau camne nak blog.
sedangkan am blogging since year 2002 k.. lame tuh..
tapi cam dah boring..
nak kate nothing happen to me..
tapi cam banyak ar gak cool things happen..

speshly my trip to terengganu..
yeay! sgt best.. kudos to wani n family..
love u so much..
oo, how much i need to get away from the hustle in my mind now..
tapi masalahnye..
balik je dari trip tuh, aku lagi menambah banyak masalah ade ar..
bengong tul ar aku ni..
leh tak, last monday ari tuh, nak renew license kat jpj, lesen aku dah mati.
tapi sebab aku nyer lesen tuh baru P, so nak kene renew kat jpj.
aku dah prepare gambar yg aku print sdiri, print atas kertas je ar.
pastuh, masuk jpj amik no, aku tunjuk laa dekat kat akak yg jage kaunter tuh.
"kak, bleh ke pakai gambar ni?"
akak tuh pun amik pegang ar gambar tuh.
"Alaa bleh laa dik."
ok, dah akak tuh kate bleh, aku amiklaa no, duduk tunggu aku nyer turn.
dah sampai turn aku, duduk depan akak ni yg muke macam bagus, aku terus letak aku nyer gambar dan berkate..
"akak, ni gambar saye print sdiri. bleh pakai tak gambar ni? kalo tak bleh takpelaa.."
die pun tgk jer gambar tuh tanpe berkate pe2 pun.
pastuh tanye, nak buat lesen ni brape tahun.
aku cakap laa stahun.
kuar duit, the last 50 ringgit yg aku ade.
amik bayr, return 20, resit aku amik.
pastuh skali, die amik gambar aku letak atas meja tuh
"dik, mane bleh pakai gambar ni. print atas kertas?"
"laaa, tadi saye dah tanye akak kat depan tuh die kate bleh."
"tak bleh ni. pegi amik gambar kat tepi tuh, pastuh datang sini balik."
aku pun dengan bongoknye tunggu bratur nak amik gambar.
harge gambar tuh 2 keping tujuh ringgit.
alamak, tujuh ringgit, kopak lagi duit aku.
skali aku terlintas, masalahnye skarang bukan salah aku.
aku dah tanye awal2, bleh ke pakai gambar ni.
kalo tak bleh nape plak tak cakap awal2.
bodoh ar dierang ni.
aku dengan bongok nye, saje nak carik pasal ngan minah tuh.
aku pegi kat kaunter tuh tadi, cakap aku nak kensel.
die cakap tak bleh.
aku argue laa, akak kat depan kaunter tuh cakap bleh.
pastuh nape tak bagitau awal2 b4 die printout lesen tuh.
aku pun dengan bengkeknye membuat bising.
pakcik kat sblah kaunter pun masuk campur.
"biarla, kensel laa application die"
dan aku yang bongok ni, blah camtuh je.
bile sampai kat krete, budak tuh tanye..
"nape kak?"
aku cakap laa wat hapen kat dlm tadi. dengan nada marah ar ni.
"tapi.. akak dah bayar lom lesen tuh?"
alamak! baru laa aku realize.. bongoknyer aku..
saje je nak jadi bodoh..
yg ko blah camtuh tak amik balik duit ko pehal.
dah laa tuh je tinggal duit ko.
nak cari gaduh nye psal.
tak pasal2 jatuh miskin dan takde lesen.
so skarang ni, aku officially bawak kete takde lesen.
dan adalah sangat cuak jugak kalo nampak kete polis.
kalo kantoi, memang nak mampos ar.
dah laa takde duit ni.
nak buat lesen lain pun, tak cukup duit.
isk, sedey tul.
nak mintak ngan hunky.. takut..
nanti kene marah lak..
umm..
tapi nampak gaye kene buat muke kesian kene mintak ngan die jugak ni..
terpakse ar pakai pujuk rayu tangkap leleh..huhu..~

updating

2008-11-07T12:46:00.002+08:00

huhu, lame gile tak update blog. malas sbenarnyer.
me reading a few blog today.
n kebetulan plak, most of the blog yg aku bace tuh citer laa psal, their past achievement n what they want to achieve later on.
umm.. membuatkan aku terpikir.. humm?
aku actually never thought of what i had achieved before..
lagipun, not much to be proud of, to be hated, banyaklaa..
n me also dun have any idea what am gonna be for the next five years..
honestly.. aku takde plan langsung for the future..
humm, maybe its kinda a sign for me to rethink what i've done in my life, n what i really want in my life n my future.
people love to day dreaming, so do i..
but to act, hoh! adalah sgt susah..
that's the real problem with me now..

then..
kite gi lunch dulu..
pastuh sambung cite plak yek..
daaa~

bitch

2008-10-22T11:08:00.002+08:00

haven't been here for a month already.
lately, am bitching around not being a slut lar, but lotsa lepak2 n sisha.
sometime aiman tagging along with me.
so, takde ar rase bersalah sangat melepak-lepak n buang mase.
alamak, sakit perut ar plak.
later.

blessed

2008-09-22T11:10:00.002+08:00

i feel blessed today..
dunno why..
thank God for the blessing..

my weekn full wif fabulousity..
alaa, bukannye fabulous pe pun.
saturday, jejalan ngan aiman pegi klcc, window shopping and lepak lat playground biar die main sampai lebam..
then heading to carrefour w.maju, saje nak usha levi's nyer outlet kat situh,
tapi, org punye ar ramai nak mati, susah gile nak park keter.
end up, layan house of the dead kat arcade..hehe
pastuh gi setiawangsa, jejalan cari kueh kat pasar ramadan..
ngam2, balik sampai umah maktuk dah kul 7.. terus bukak puase..yeay..
and sunday..
sunday was bloomed wif luv..
one whole day, duduk lepak bercinte ngan hunky jek..
dah laa smlm ujan..
sejuk.. sgt best..
sib baik puase..ngeeeehehehehe...
oh, chenta!

n today..
hopefully today also blooming wif lotsa luv...
mmmuahXXXXX~

ngantuk nyerrrr...

2008-09-19T10:17:00.002+08:00

ari ni after sahur aku tak tido ok..
dan kesan akibatnye, aku ngantuk gile skarang..
arghhh!!!!
camner nak keje ni.. huhu~

well, 11 days to go before raye..
rase tak sabar pun ade.. rase cam tanak tinggal Ramadhan pun ade..
due tige hari ni, aku baru start to feel the soul of Ramadhan..
where i started to bace Quran everytime after subuh.
n yesterday is like a religious day to me, coz 3 waktu smayang, aku smayang kat masjid ok..
hehe, terase diri ini amat bagus..
well, i feel good bout myself, coz manage to do such things all over again..
setelah sekian lame tidak menjejakkan kaki ke masjid..
am doing great..hehe..
i miss terawih at masjid..
since having aiman, tak penah lagi terawih kat masjid..
buat kat rumah ade laa, setahun 3,4 kali, hehe..
humm..well..well..

am feeling very grateful..
anyway, today's friday..
n this friday, is my grateful day..

Thank God, for the blessing life..

be grateful ya..

wonderpets..

2008-09-04T15:28:00.002+08:00

wonderpets sangat adorable..
aiman sangat suke tgk wondepets..
n i luv the theme so much..
kawaiiii!

ape ke motif nyer aku citer psal wonderpets..
aku pun tak tau..
sbenanye tgh habiskan mase, tak tau nak buatpe..
bukak youtube nyanyi lagu wonderpets..
teehehehe..
sangat menggumbirakan aku..
hahaha..
whatever..
eventually, i can't think straight now.
coz am so sleepy n tired.. n bored..
it's raining heavily outside..
n jez waiting for the clock to turn 4pm, so i can heading to pasar ramadan..
today, am planning to have the lasagna or macaroni cheese..
dekat pasar ramadan kat sini ade italian food ok..
and, rase die bleh tahan ar..
worth it laa, beli 4 ringgit jek compare to makan kat italian restoran ke..
ok rase nak makan lakse penang lak..
sbenarnye, aku tak tau nak makan pe ni..
rase cam nak makan, beli jek..
mesalahnye, kat pasar ramadan ni,memang ar macam2 ade..
tapi, sume yang ade tuh, takde ar sedap pun..
sewious ok..
takde yang sedap pun..
tapi nak buat camner..
beli je ar..
asalkan bleh makan, jadi ar..
oklaa..
nak plan nak beli ape lagi, for hunky speshly..

2008-08-26T10:56:00.002+08:00

well, ppl keep cerite having good time with their own mom.
but i dun really have a pure sweet memories with my ummi.
am kinda sad. n now, i do feel sad.
if only i cud breakaway from whatever things around me now.
jez left like that.
i feel sucks now.
the only happiness that can bring the smile in me, jez hunky.
i miss hunky alot.
sob..sob~

it is so many time i've tried to think what the best for me.
but stil, i cudn't figure out what.
it sucks ok. sgt sucks.
coz everyone around me now, is jez trying to let me down.
and i cudn't find any single humanbeing who i can really trust and lean on..
not even hunky.. coz he's barely understand me..
am crushing down..

Ya Allah..
ampunkanlah aku..

2008-08-25T15:57:00.002+08:00

i have a few blogs that am gonna read regularly.speshly miss chics, one hell funny lady. everytime read ppl blog, membuatkan aku rase cam nak blogging gak. tapi bile dah start type tekan2 keypad, mesti rase cam, malas nyer aku nak menaip.huhu~
whatever..
lets talk bout books.. or novel...
i started to read english novel, mase dah nak abis skolah. n my fav books time tuh of coz from sydney sheldon.bleh dikatakan, 90% of his book aku bace sume. dulu2, aku ingatkan sydney sheldon ni pompuan tau. sebab buku die sume citer psal pompuan, rupe2 nyer die laki. dahlaa name sydney. name heroin fav aku dalam alias. hehe..
aku ingat lagi, after spm, aku spend my time everyday pegi library kat kota bharu.
menghabiskan mase berejam looking for books and aku akan bawak balik, sydney sheldon nyer buku yg satu buku tuh, ade tiga novel die bind skali. then, pinjam 3bind books dan terkemut2 pegang buku tuh naik bas balik umah. time tuh mule laa berase diri ini sgt hebat, meminjam english novel yg sgt tebal dan banyak n sume org pandang aku dengan pandangan 'apahal-budak-ni?'.. hehehe..
bile dekat ukm, i was really fond with chrichton's books. aku dah lupe ape cite yg aku dah bace. yg aku ingat, timeline, airframe n ade satu citer yg best tapi aku dah lupe ape tajuk die. chrichton's nyer buku dah banyak jadi movie cam jurassic park and timeline. my fav of all, timeline.. sape nak pinjam, aku ade buku tuh.hardcover lagi. tapi citer tuh banyak citer psal physics quantum, so anyone who not really into physics stuf, aku tak rekomen ar.
anyway, since kecik2 lagi. am such a library freak. i luv library. aku banyak gile jadi membe dekat public library. speshly, perpustakaan negara of coz, Bangi public library, Kelantan Public library yea jugak dan sewaktu dengannyer. kalo sape2 tau kat mane lagi ade public library, jangan malu2 bagitau aku yek.
becoz am such a library freak, aku tak penah beli buku sdiri. slalu pinjam kot org. kecuali ade sale dekat ukm, buku hard cover jual less than RM12, sgt murah ok.. time tuh laa aku rajin membeli buku. tuhpun buku yg best2 tak banyak sgt, sebab sume org dah beli. so, keje aku meminjam jelaa. yg slalu jadi mangse, adalah kakak ipar aku yg ayu itu, name pun seri rahayu. org nyer memang ayu dan berbudi bahase. also a book freak.yeay.. most recent book yg aku bace.. sydney sheldon's if tomorrow comes. ni pun ntah brape kali dah aku bace, aku pun tak ingat dah sgt die nyer jalan citer.hehe..
so, babe..
ade buku best, kasi pinjam laa kat aku yek..
XD

compliment day..

2008-08-15T11:19:00.002+08:00

i was starting wif a really good mood..
but, it's starting to screw up, a bit n a bit..
coz, hell.. i'm alone in this creepy crawly office..
well, this office not that creepy anyway, i jez hate spending my time alone.
don't u think it's kinda sux?
hell yeah..
dah laa my ear today macam agak tersumbat..
as tersumbat like u bawak kereta naik bukit yg sgt tinggi.
macam kite kat a lower pressure atmosphere, macam kat atas gunung2.
adakah telinga aku ini sangat tidak betul, atau ianya sekadar ingi berada di atas gunung ganag.. huhuu.. gedik ar telinge aku ni..

lately, spending my time alot on mobster at myspace..
sgt best..
aku nyer mobs dah 600+.. tapi cam tak gune gak, coz mobs limit to 500 jek..
so takde gune ar tambah lebih2.. menyemak kat aku nyer frenlist jek..
sambil2 tuh, sgt suke membeli belah human pet..
dan aku sgt suke menjadi pet.. dan terase diri ini agak glamor.. yeay~

arghh~
rase sux again.. huhu~
its oklor..
ptg ni balik kg..
huhu~
i can't wait..
trip to kg.. sounds really great..

still..

2008-07-30T10:50:00.003+08:00

am still frozen here. not going anywhere.
sangat sux, coz nothing interesting occur lately..
but, am kinda happy wif my love life.. *and my sex life also =)*
am such a happy wife.. weee~
rase cam nak tukar keje..
tapi tgh pikir, what kind of kejer i shud switch to..
am consider being a unit trust agent, kalo buat unit trust bebetul, bleh cepat dapat duit.. so, wif sum money, i can do anything i wish for..
like taking courses in fine arts or graphic design, or photography..
humm... menarik jugak tuh..
ok, another option perhaps?
gov servant..?
err.. am not sure laa about that..
tho, being in gov, ur job will be 99% secure..
but.. ur life will be routine.. and.. i don't know..
it's jez dun interest me..
anything else..? humm..?
graphic design?
well, i jez have a really basic knowledge bout design..
i dun think i confident enough doing that kind of job...
but' i wud really luv to try..
so..
what kind of job i want..?
humm~ tgh pikir ar ni..

life sux..

2008-07-25T15:07:00.003+08:00

life kinda not that interesting lately..
but am still survive.. no worry..
am kinda have the urge to meet and getting know sum new ppl..
making new friend..
even sum makcik in shopping mall or pasar would do..
i don't know why..
i luv ppl who honest and so truthful with their life..
sometime, when looking at them, tho they jez jual sayur at pasar..
but they have the aku-sangat-gembira-dgn-hidup-aku look..
n they jez can't stop smiling..
humm..
if only i cud feel that way....

all my life, i've been thru such a complicated life..
i dun know why..
my childhood kinda normal..
but becoz the mulfunction relationship between me and my parents, speshly my dad..
turn me into such a trouble maker..
am always in trouble.. no matter what..
how can i do to straight things up, so there's no more trouble in my life..
no more susah hati..
no more "ape aku nak buat ni.."
banyak lah no more nyer..
so how ar..

shud take some time, n thinking..
think alot..

oklor..
today there wud be another jogging session..
talking bout jogging..
aku sangt suke berjogging lately..
coz my fav jogging spot ade seorang anak ikan yg extremely hot n good looking.. phew~
bukan aku nak menggatal ok, tapi sekadar cuci mate..
at that park.. i'm the only chic yg jog kat situh, yg lain sumer aunty2 and uncle berserta beberape org apek..
and suddenly, a past few day, this hot looking anak ikan dtg jogging kat sini..
oh chenta..!
everytime die muncul, aku akan tersenyum tersipu-sipu seorang diri..
namenyer syok sdiri ar.. coz he dun even look at me..
sblah mate pun tak,ok..hehe..
alaa no worry laa.. he probably 10 years younger than me..
oh, adakah aku begitu tue..?
makne nyer.. budak tuh kemungkinan besar adelah budak skolah..
tapi die extremely tall.. and his look.. gulp!~
stakat cuci mate bleh laa..
oklaa tuh, dapat jogging n cuci mate..
ok what..
hahaha~

paranoid..

2008-07-16T13:48:00.002+08:00

do u ever know somebody yg always being paranoid..
susah jugak nak handle org paranoid..
i mean paranoid dengan sumer bende..
oklaa, kekadang aku sdiri pun paranoid jugak..
speshly bile hunky everyday kluar mlm after keje..
mesti ar aku paranoid..
tapi, kalo orang dah paranoid dengan something yang sangat unreasonable..
adelah sangat sucks..
ok, sekarang aku tgh menghadapi seorang perempuan, yang sangat paranoid dengan aku coz die ingat aku ade affair ngan anak die..
WTF?
bukan die tak tau aku dah ade laki n anak..
n die rase camtuh coz die dengar buah mulut from a sonofbitch yang sangat fucking loser, dan aku tak tau nape sonofbitch dengki sangat ngan aku..
WTF?!
rase cam sial jek..
huh, sux gile..
dah laa hari ni, such a very bad day to me..
si hitam tuh tanak hidup..
that kid fetch aku kat umah.. no worry, hunky knows..
rase sangat sux n mengantuk gile
tak tau nape..
arghh..

whatever it is..
better leave for zohor..

God bless us..

saye and I

2008-07-15T13:56:00.002+08:00

since last nite, i dok scan gambar2 lame i since skolah, matriks and mase kat ukm..
tapi i lupe plak nak bawak dtg ofis, so i bleh upload kat i nyer frenster..
tapi pagi tadi i tgh slongkar barang i, i terjumpe laa cd yg ade mark, pics 2003..
so i pun bukak tengoklaa.. banyaknyer gambar i yang i dah lame tak tgk..
tapi sume tuh gambar i mase kat ukm..
mase i 3rd year kot..
mase tgh bercinte ngan that fariz fucker..
n still be friend with that betine..(want to use the word bitch, but am calling my babe bitch.. so, betine is kinda sesuai laa yer..)
but still, am so glad am found that cd..
ops, tercakap omputih laa..
i sangat laa suke dapat jumpe cd tuh..
banyak gambar i mase kat urusetia kerjaye..
mase jadi budak2 nakal dan berkawan ngan kanak-kanak yang tidak matang..
adalah sangat menghiburkan.. wee!
i sangat rindu pada saat2 itu..
huhuuuuu~
teringin jugak nak jumpe kawan2 lame i..
tapi i rase dah ramai yang dah ade laki macam i..
so, kebarangkalian nak jumpe ramai2 smule adalah sangat tipis..
ape2 pun, i sangat gumbira kalau they all sume dapat berkumpul kat bilik UK kat bawah tuh.. tapi malangnye bilik uk pun dah pindah kat atas..
sampai skarang i dah tak jumpe budak2 tuh lagi..
al maklumlah, i kan dah ade laki and anak bujang..
so i busy laa sket.. nak buat camner..
tanggungjawab i laa kan..

oklaa, i dah letih nak menggedik..
nak kene menyambut seruan Tuhan, pegi smayang zohor..
so i mintak diri dulu..

hoooooo!
WTF?!

sux!

2008-07-01T10:52:00.002+08:00

am feeling sux. the hormon in me really screw my mood coz i haven't bleeding for two months. so sux! no, am not pregnant, coz am already did the UPT, it's negative k.
i really need to indulge myself wif yummy creamy good food, but the gaji tak dapat lagi. sux lagi. i need to pamper myself, need a new pair of shoes, a black pump perhaps. a new handbag and a couple of blouse and dress. thats really make up my mood. but, hell macam laa aku dapat beli sume bende tuh skarang. arghh! sangat sux!
and i have zits all over my face. WTF!!!???
nie sume the sucking hormon nyer pasal. screw up everything.
so, what am gonna do now. sucking my feeling..? huh!
i need to listen to the bitch song.. yaa.. i think so..

stop worrying..

2008-06-25T11:11:00.002+08:00

i wanna stop worrying for something impossible..
coz now, i have to start thinking how am gonna move on..
do something in my life.
thanx to him, coz he change my mind perspective.
dream big.. and make a plan to grab the opportunity.
so in future, you can have what you've been dreaming of.
have some faith in yourself and God..
InsyaAllah.. things will be working out jez the way you want..
sounds easy, but i know it's not that simple.
but if u jez dream and stay at the same spot, you won't go anywhere also..
so take a small step ahead, and be gradually move forward..
before i realize this..
am also the one who love to dream big..
but i keep making excuse i can't do this, do that..
basically, i was going nowhere..
remember the song, Stop & Stare by One Republic
..

"Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
can u see what I see"

that song, really remind me of what i am now..
i feel like i move on..
but sadly, i am at the same spot for years..
i think, this is really the time that i should take a small step ahead..
look and move forward..
well..
best of luck to me..
and a big gratitude for those special persons in my life..
for hunky, for being my soulmate..
for aiman, my sugar candy
for friends who always be there for me..
thanx babes, for everything..
and to God.. for the blessing and a good life..

be love

2008-06-25T10:42:00.002+08:00

when i'm growing old..
i wanna be a parent who is lovable and being adored and loved so much by my kid..
i don't wanna make it hard to make them to love me..
you must wondering why in the world am saying such thing..?
it is because..

i have a father that it is so *u**ing hard to love him..
because part of me, i hate him so much..
the other part of me realize, no matter what or how sux he could be..
i have to show sum love and give so much respect to him..
but how the hell i can give him for something he don't deserve..
after all those thing he did to me and my family..
after he screw everyone's life..
everyone, mean everyone..
myself, my mom, my brother, my grandparets, my pakcik, my makcik, my cousins..
everyone ok.. every single person who know him..
that's why, am barely talking bout my dad..
n i don't wanna introduce him to anyone..
coz am afraid as if, in near future he's gonna screw your life too..

am not trying to 'membuka pekung di dada' or what..
it is jez that, he really let me down..
and make me so hard to love him..
and the worst part is, he never realize how he has hurt so many people..
people who used to love him and care about him..
and the love they had, has turn into hate..
me as his daughter, i'm suffered like hell..
and can u imagine what's my mom feeling for being his wife..
well, i couldn't imagine myself in my mom shoes..

hummmm....

so.. anyone..
anyone out there who read this..
when you're getting older..
and have a kids..
am begging..
please..
please don't be someone like..
someone like i mention above..
be a good parent to your kids..
love them unconditionally..
and make them love you the way you are..
i vow to myself, i wanna be nothing like my father..
nothing like him..
i do love him, coz for God sake, he's my dad!
but.. it's hurt.. it's damn hurt..
to have a father like him..
i wish he would realize his mistake..
and stop screwing anyone's life...
stop screwing my life..
please stop it, abah..

dipping the carbonara

2008-06-19T14:14:00.002+08:00

carbonara at that cafe is so setap tahap cipan..
makes me feel full like hell..
urghh!

i jez finish watching the sisterhood of traveling pant

muvi ni sangat best..
thos its all about 17years ol teenage..
but for me it's kinda inspiring and sweet..
ok, lemme brief u what's that muvi is all about..

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants brings to the screen Ann Brashares’ best-selling novel about one very special summer in the lives of four lifelong friends.

Introduced as babies who were born to mothers who met in a prenatal aerobics class, the four grew up together and developed an enduring bond despite their distinctly different emerging personalities. Now, after years of sharing every triumph and loss, every wild idea and secret fear with the laughter and love of true friends, these four young women couldn’t be closer… except that they’re about to be separated as their lives take them in different directions for the first time.

Introspective and occasionally volatile Carmen (AMERICA FERRERA) is looking forward to spending quality time with her out-of-state dad, whom she hasn’t seen much since he divorced her mother years ago; super-confident star athlete Bridget (BLAKE LIVELY) is heading for a soccer camp in Mexico; soft-spoken Lena (ALEXIS BLEDEL), a gifted artist as beautiful as her drawings, is set to discover her heritage – and an unexpected romance – on a trip to her grandparents’ home in Greece; and sharp-witted rebel Tibby (AMBER TAMBLYN) will reluctantly remain in town, stocking shelves at the local discount store while working on her pet project, a video “suckumentary” to expose what she sees as the banality of everyday life.

On a shopping trip together the day before their paths diverge, the friends find a pair of thrift-shop jeans that amazingly fits and flatters each one of them perfectly, even though they are four young women of very different shapes and sizes. It seems these pants are meant for sharing and that gives Carmen, Bridget, Lena and Tibby a wonderful idea. They decide to use the pants as a way of keeping in touch during the months ahead, each one wearing them for a week to see what luck they bring before mailing them on to the next.

In this unique way, though miles apart, the four still experience the challenges and surprises of life as they always have – together – in a summer they’ll never forget.

ok, the sypnosis above is jez a copy n paste from the official site..
and dalam muvi ni, ade america farera, the ugly betty..
ade amber tamblyn, the chic from desperate housewives (bree's slutty daughter) and alexis bledel from gilmore girls..
huumm..
from sypnosis, citer tuh sound very cliche n predictable..
tapi, for me.. it's kinda inspiring..
it makes me realize, sometimes we have to look the world in some different ways and different view..
sometime, the real big problem is jez a really small matter to the other person, but for you, it is like going to be the end of the world..
sebab tulah, kekadang we need to be very optimist, evaluate every single thing we do in our life..
bab kate orang, muhasabah diri..
so barulah kite bleh, live life to the fullest.. tul tak?
what i am crapping about..? aku pun tak tau..
but, the muvi really makes me stop n think what am i doing with my life now..?

so baby, i jez can't wait for the sisterhood of traveling pants 2..

stop.. n staring..

2008-06-17T10:50:00.002+08:00

am kinda jez staring at my path now..
and feeling empty..
life is so normal, and very routine..
and it's bored me to hell..
my brain stoned, i jez do nothing and keep thinking, what am gonna do now..
huumm..WTF..
i need to do sumthing..
and what crossing my mind now..
is rock..
rock climbing..
anyone?

work out

2008-06-11T12:06:00.002+08:00

i wanna start to work out again..
yaa, i did start yesterday, but today..
period..!
arghh..
i wanna start work out, to shape my ass and to get my biceps back like 4 years ago..
so am gonna look more gorgeous and plus more confident..
n am gonna be so sewonok..
yeah..

last month, not attending Ain's wedding makes me guilty like hell..
die dah laa attend aku nyer wedding dulu, jauh dr KL ke klantan plak tuh..
ni, umah die dekat wangsa maju pun aku tak attend..
am not attend it coz, die takde msg aku ke ape ke..
tuh cam aku buat senyap jek..
huhuu~
tapi rase bersalah ar plak..
dem..

and today, am not sure what am gonna do to add more spark to my day..
beside the regular workload, am not sure what a retard stupid i can do..
lets figure out sumthing k..
d
daa~

getting skinny

2008-06-06T11:05:00.002+08:00

guess what, aku telah berjaya menjadi agak skinny..
mane tak berjaye nyer, hari2 makan skali sari jek..
mesti ar kurus.. huuumm..
yeayeay!
but the bad news is, all my jeans are getting loosen..
huhu, tak best coz only got one jeans yg muat2..
yg lain sume dah terlondeh..
terpakse beli baru..
huh..!

my mood today kinda ok, but being alone here..
freezing my brain..
so i need to find sumthing can stimulate my mind..
tapi masalahnyer..
aku sangat malas...
arghh!!!

wanna be skinny..

2008-05-23T11:23:00.003+08:00

i wanna be skinny..
goddem skinny
like used to be
macam dulu, macam dalam gambar ni..

best nyer skinny
kaki nampak panjang
tulang pipi nampak tinggi
skarang macam dah montok gile..
urgh..!
i wanna be skinny
i dun care, boobs aku jadi kecik ke
butt aku mengecut ke
aku nak kurus! nak kurus!
my plan to get kurus
diet..
swimming..
jogging..
n drink lotsa water..
huumm..
gambate!

boys will be boys..

2008-05-20T09:49:00.002+08:00

it was hell fun..
dem farking fun!
yeehaaa!
yesterday we are heading to PD.. the unplanned picnic..
at first, it was really miserable time wif me coz am freaking tired, pegi plak picnic yg unplanned.. dekat pd plak tuh, n people there sangat laa ramai, ye lor, piblic holiday meh, mestilaa bapak ramai..
sampai je, they all terus start to fire up the bbq n makan2..
after makan, heading to the beach.. yeahhaaa!
tapi swimming at the beach adalah sangat tidak best..
coz the water is really salty and makes my skin burrrnnnn...
later, zahir rent the kayak..
and we started kayaking bergilir-gilir..
n when my turn come, hunky tanak naik kayak..
huhuuu, apelaa hunky ni, sgt tak best. at last i ride wif kepang..
kepang was so sweet, we talk n borak2 sambil paddling the kayak, huhu best..
that's my first time kayaking at the sea..
yelor..bukan slalunyer org naik kayak kat tasik ke..
pas berkayak2.. makan lagi.. then, banana boat time! yeah!
that's also my first time ride on banana boat..
and banana boat, was farking nice boat..
sangat best, sangat freaky and thrilling..
bile tgh syok ride on the boat, suddenly boat terbalik n sume org jatuh..
the worst part is, kalo ko jatuh dan tetibe kaki org depan dan belakang ko terkene kat kepala/belakang/dada/leher.. adus.. sakit gile..
so do i, my ribs was kicked by hunky, n my leher ntah kaki sape ntah singgah kat leher aku ni.. dan akibatnya.. satu malam tak leh tido, dan sampai ari ni, aku tidak boleh sewenang-wenangnye menoleh ke kiri-dan ke kanan.. isk.. sakit..

but it's really worth of sakit..
tho pd is not the best beach ever,
but the bbq, the people, the kayak and the banana boat adalah sangat best gile..
am happy.. =)
yeayeah!!

2008-05-07T11:34:00.001+08:00

this past few days, my life a bit bored coz my big boss had a heart attack last weekn, and has been hospitalized till today. so that kid ain't around, only me in the office..
so, when u r alone in the office, the energy level is so sux n adalah sangat tidak produktif. am trying to kill time wif lotsa things, n my fav time killing is.. snoozzzzze.. hehe.. gile tak produktif..
but today, am already decide to be more proactive, by doing research n do lotsa reading about my job. gambate!
aku jugak teringin cam nak painting and drawing..
am good at drawing, but i haven't done it for more than 10years. lame tuh. n i start to realize my drawing skill start to fade away, skit..sikit..
umm.. am thinking of taking courses in fine art..
tapi tak de mase, plus tak cukup bajet..
huuu~ alangkah bagus nyer aku dapat amik klas art..
bestnyer..! =) *wink..wink*
takpe, one day.. the day will come..
InsyaAllah..

continue later..

2008-04-29T17:22:00.001+08:00

am so bored today..
nothing interesting. jez a regular workload.
well..
penah tak.. korang gi keje ari2.. then first thing you do, you're looking for this one particular person, coz without seeing her/him at ur office, u feel like.. "malasnyer nak buat keje.. die takde.."
ade tak that kind of person exist in yourlife?

me?

of coz laa ade.. =)
u may know why am so bored .. hehe.. coz that kid ain't around now.
basically, when we got bored with our job, we jez hang around n chat sampai kering air liur.. or we kluar minum2 kat kedai mamak kat bawah ofis.. n we talk n talk about everything. from my lovelife to the latest song we heard. talking about song..
this song from a Singaporean band, named ungu.. lagunye, cinte dalam hati..
adalah sangat menyentuh perasaan tho takde kene mengene ngan aku lansung, tapi everytime i listen to this song, it remind me of this kid.. coz this cinta dalam hati song is sumthing that happen to him in real life..
cam lari tajuk laa plak kan.
um..wtf..
jez njoy the song..
sangat jiwang..
but i like it lots..

movies

2008-04-29T12:21:00.003+08:00

there're a bunch of muvis i dun wanna miss and can't hardly wait to wacth it.

1st

.:Over Her Dead Body:.

i know.. i know it's already at wayang, but i dun have time to watch it at wayang, so i jez wait for the original copy pirate dvd. hey, it's only cost me 6 bux for crystal clear pic, tho i have to wait longer, soccay.. coz am still manage to watch it.

then i wanna watch

.:Penelope:.

i wonder why it hasn't been showed at our Wayang, coz this muvi has been released for quite awhile now. maybe coz it's related to pig, so our cinema tanak tayang. cam haram. this muvi included Christina Ricci and Reese witherspoon.. where witherspoon are the co-producer of this muvi.. kalo tgk die nyer officialsite, sangat best n comey lalalaaa..
huumm.. penelope.. where are thou..?

pastuh aku nak layan Mc Dreamy lak..

.:Made Of Honor:.

cerite die ala-ala my best friend wedding.. yang bezanye, die tuh lelaki, bestfren die pompuan. tak kesahlah citer tuh same ke tak. asalkan ade Mc Dreamy, ok jelaa..

the layan plak my fav hot hunky.. ashton kutcher..

.:What Happens In Vegas:.

die nyer gazet lawak gile. cam biase ar, ashton ngan cameron slalu buat citer cenggini.. so, lawak die cam predictable ar.. anyway, i'd luv to watch it.. who cares!

then, another romantic comedy.. from uma thurman..

.:The Accidental Husband:.

another romantic comedy.. well, what the hell, am jez looking for some humor to laugh in.. so, another lame romantic won't harm, rite..?

booring lagi..

2008-04-22T12:27:00.003+08:00

honestly, am kinda boringwith this blog. wanna change the skin, but i dun have any fabulous idea yet, besides.. got no time to waste to do the all the craps.

well, am feeling like talking about bout GIGI.
it's not the GIGI band from Indonesia.. but it's bout my own gigi laa..
aku sayang gigi aku, tapi malas gile nak jage. aku nyer gigi dah kurang satu, aku pun dah tak ingat apekah insiden yang menyebabkan daku kehilangan gigi taring ku yang satu itu.huum..?
lately, asal makan jek, mesti ade jek bende melekat kat celah gigi. terpakselaa korek2, slalunyer pakai tangan jek. eee..busuk ar.. yekk..
huh, wtf, gigi aku sdiri jugak.
mase kecik2 dulu, mase tadika. gigi aku rongak gile. rongak hitam ok, tapi aku tak ingatlaa busuk ke tak. aku ade gambar gigi aku rongak. gambar tuh, sengih bukan main lagi, tapi rongak. hahahaha! mane ntah aku letak gambar tuh, kat kg kot..
dulu kecik2, manelaa pandai jage gigi.. harap kan ummi aku laa, kalo die suh aku berus, aku berus jelaa.. kalo tak mesti aku miss berus gigi, huhu, gile buruk perangai.
and sweets, sweets is my indulgence. sampai skarang pun aku suke makan gule2. tapi skarang dah kurang sket. sebab gigi aku dah menunjukkan jangka hayatnya yang semakin berkurangan. Oh tidak!
mase 2005, aku penah buat part time kat klinik gigi, klinik gigi lisa alis namenyer.
aku jadik assistant yg sedut air liur kat tepi tuh. and yeah, kerja2 itu adalah agak keji dan menjijikkan, but who cares, yang penting i've got paid for that ok. selain sedut air liur orang, ade laa jugak bende lain yang aku kene buat, macam buat paste untuk tampal gigi, and so on. honestly, keje kat situh, banyak laa jugak bende yg selame ni aku tak tau, aku dah tau.. contohnyer... umm.. malas laa aku nak bagi contoh. tapi of coz laa, aku lebih conscious laa psal gigi2 ni.. yg paling best, aku dapat buat scaling and treat for free.. yeay! hey, kalo korang pegi private dental, ko tampal gigi ngan scaling, it cost u more than hundred tau.. tau tak untungnyer dapat buat2 sume tuh free..
after 3months,aku berenti, coz time keje kat situh kurang menarik, dan gajinyer agak sux.. but, am glad i used to work there.. weee~

alrite.. enuf about gigi..
sambung keje balik..

huuummmm....

yakuza

2008-03-27T12:57:00.004+08:00

i jez finish another Japanese's drama series, GOKUSEN..

it's a story about a yakuza heiress, Yamaguchi Kumiko who wanna become an high school sensei instead of being a yakuza leader. She's ended up teaching those lil brats from Shirokin Gokuin high school, but becoz of her determination and passion towards those kids, she became one of the greatest n coolest sensei around. these drama really humorous but also got lotsa values about life.
and that yamuguchi sensei is hillarious n dem cool..
membuatkan aku rase cam, nak jadi sensei jugak.. huhu~

Since watching that Gokusen drama, am kinda interested in Yakuza.. and i came across with this book..

Yakuza Moon

It's a biography book about the author, Shoko Tendo who told her story bout her life being a yakuza daughter. the story about being a yakuza heiress is portrayed differently from Gokusen drama. It's full with darkness and dirty jobs. and being a daughter of the big boss, is not like being a princess in a palace, it is full with range, hearted and betrayal. the book had been release at Japan on 2004, but it is jez translated to english last year. and i dun know how much is it in MYR, but in USD it's cost 23USD. kalo convert duit mesia, dah almost 100 lebih, tak masuk tax lagi.
ummm...~ maybe kene gi usha price dulu kat Kino.. or anyone yang dah beli buku ni?

get fit

2008-03-26T16:03:00.002+08:00

i start my morning today with a very distressful thought. and i can't get rid the unpleasant feeling that have been last for a few days now. but now, am feeling better, n ready start a brand new day all over again. yeayy!

this mroning, when i was hopping on lrt from Hang Tuah, i saw a blind lady, smartly dress with baju kurung n blazer, traveling alone. when we reached ChanSowLin station, she stepped out suddenly and carefully, i saw she tried to reach a tiang and stay there till the train started to move on. and she slowly disappeared from my view..
later on, my mind started to wondering around that blind lady..
where's on earth she's coming from?
where is she heading to?
how in the world she knew that's the right station she should stop *coz abang driver lrt tuh takde pun buat announcement which station we are now*?
what kind of job she have?
and what will happened if i am in her shoes..?
do i will survived and independent like that lady?
or i jez live dengan mengharapkan bantuan orang lain?
do i..?
but honestly, i can't figured out if i will or will not.
tetapi sebenarnye, i am so ashamed of myself coz i have everything in my life, i still have both of my parents, both of grandparents, a wonderful husband, a gorgeous adorable son and be able to get evrything i want to, but still, i keep whining and mengeluh life is soo sux, and this sux, that's sux, everything is sux..
well..i shud appreciate life more, n be grateful for everything i have.

hummm....

much..much better now..

i think am gonna switch to a better job..
my intention to further study, have to be postponed coz there's no any college's offering graphic design part time course. takde rezeki lagi kot, maybe when the right time comes later, i'll grab that opportunity. InsyaAllah.

well..well..

after 5, i'll b heading to UIA for swimming. n tomorrow, return from work i'll start my jogging routine all over again at Pandan Indah. i want to get fit and healthy as i am before. Start with swimming, jogging and drink lotsa water.
Gambate!!!

weekn.

2008-03-24T16:06:00.002+08:00

my weekn very tiring. last sunday, ala2 gotong royong wif hunky, walaupun pada hakikatnyer, aku sorang jek yang buat kejer2 membersih rumah.. sampai ke malam baru sudah buat kejer2 pembersihan. huh, gile semak umah aku ni.

boring ar..

i think i need more privacy..

i'll switch to a new blog add..

sowey ppl..

2008-03-22T10:37:00.002+08:00

u sux! am ain't helping u no more! @#@@$#%^&^*&(_!!!!

well,
jez watching step up 2 online..
for the dancing lover.. u absolutely luv that movie..
dem, they're fucking good.. n i miss my time hitting the dance floor all over again.. umm, jez hit n slip on my own house floor je laa kan.. watever..

yesterday, spend sum time swimming @ UIA.. the pool so dem big, n deep, i can't even touch my feet on the pool floor, coz the pool height is higher than myself. sib baik laa aku cam terer gak swimming, so no worries about it. dah laa pegi swimming tuh, cam aku sorang jek yg sexy, pakai swimming suit, sib baik bawak tights, kalo tak mesti dah kene halau. n this morning, also got plan to go for swimming, but dat stupid dude, ask me to help him out. guess what, ain't show up! wtf!

argh.. after finish the muvi, am heading home n doing my thing.
home sweet home..

happy tuesday

2008-03-19T16:38:00.003+08:00

semalam, i was in a very good mood.. taktaulaa mane datang mood tuh. dah laa dok umah mlm tadi banyak citer best dalam satu mase. mane nak tgk Sindarela, ugly betty lagi, heroes 2 kat starworld, pastuh ade lak victoria secret party.. sume nak tgk.. alih2 my hunky yg dapat remote, huh layan laa engko tgk bola.. hampeh.

watching sindarela @tv3 memang buat aku gelak siut.. citer tuh memang nonsense gile.. but, sharifah armani dem good actress.. being a pengkid on that drama, she's really act like a pengkid yg comey.. i'm a huge fan of her since her 1st appearance in sepet. she's also good looking.. like me lor.. hahaha..

updating..

2008-03-18T19:09:00.003+08:00

as usual.. am sooo malas up date my blog. today, got no choice. am bored like hell, mRR2 fucking jam, from melawati till ntah memane. n i dun wanna waste my time tekan minyak n main gear 2, gear 1. lenguh laa kaki aku yang cantik ini.

but..
ain't got any idea what am gonna crapping about.

huummm..
well..well..
lets talk bout weekn, walaupun weekn sudah berlalu selame 2 hari.. wtf laa kan..

last weekn i have a road trip to melaka n PD. Kudos to Mc shah kerana menumpangkan aku overnite kat rumah die. *shah, rumah mu adalah sgt best. aku rase cam tanak balik jer..*
n thanx kerana menumpangkan aku ride wif jiji n tag along wif kak nana.. tho on the way back aku yg drive. tapi memandangkan jiji adalah auto.. takde ar memenatkan sgt drive jiji.
at melaka, pijot's wedding.. my ol good fella kat KMPP.. after awhile ain't meet her. alih2 dah kawen dengan jejaka bertuah bernama En. Hussein.. n pijot, she's really drop dead gorjes that day. n me also look gorjes as usual. hahaha.. sounds keji.

n this weekn.. already planned to spend time at the pools.
means.. after spending some times at swimming pool, we'll heading to pool's table. umm.. sounds great lor.

can't wait for another weekn. yeah..

but tomolo baru wednesday lor..
haiya, still got 3 days to go meh..

one step forward.

2008-03-14T11:07:00.002+08:00

babe..

last night. i have made up my mind. i wanna further study.
why?

i've decided to chase my dream. i wanna take one step forward by taking course in Graphic design.
Seriously, i'll work hard to get any scholar, or at least some education loans.

Babe..

wish me luck!

munajat

2008-03-12T09:56:00.004+08:00

Go to ImageShack® to Create your own Slideshow

i jez receive this images trough email this morning..
you know what..
i'm burst to tears when i saw the pics..
suddenly my heart touched by the images of thousands of ppl performed prayers n munajat @ stadium Sultan Ismail, KB.
it ain't that am being rudiculous or what..
i jez wish am part of those ppl who willing perform prayer kat tgh2 padang,tho at that time hujan yg tgh lebat suddenly berhenti tibe2, n make a way to those ppl sembahyang and bermunajat.
at look at the Tok Guru..
how many leader now who willing to cry on prayer
because of his deepest love to their country..

and the images also make me realize, when the last time u cry on ur prayer..
when the last time u cry mase tgh sembahyang?
when...?

and for me..
it's been a awhile, i haven't do that..
maybe years..

ya Allah..
betape jahil nyer aku..

ntahlaa..

really, tgk gambar2 ni sgt menginsafkan aku..
betape aku lupe diri..

Ya Tuhan..
berikanlah aku petunjuk..

and..

is this the kind of leader u prefer?

have a lil faith..

2008-03-05T09:59:00.003+08:00

jez have a lil faith..

well..

i feel so grateful today.. grateful for every single thing i have..

Especially.. him..
he makes me laugh.. he makes me feel so good bout myself..
if only we're in different world, different place, and different timeline..
we should have been together.. but, of coz in reality we're not mean to each other.. but still, am grateful to meet up wif u.. have a chance to know you.. n i luv everything about you.. but of coz, the God already plan everything for us..
God plan my jodoh wif my Hunky..
n you..
maybe you'll find someone far better than me..
someone that u can make her yours forever..
n that someone is not me..

after think about it last nite..
i feel far better now..
i luv my hunky.. he's everything for me..
my sleeping partner..
my kissing partner..
my toothbrush partner..
my soulmate..

every each day pass.. tho how hard life could be..
am still grateful coz he's mine.. forever mine..
no one couldn't have him..
n no one couldn't have me either, i am his forever..

the life we share together..
the son we have raise togather..
nothing can compare with it..
even all the money in the world can't buy it..

thanx God..
Thanx for Hunky..
thanx for everything..

2008-03-04T18:13:00.002+08:00

what an unfaithful feeling..
huumm..
i dun wanna feel that guilty..
she sez,
nothing is wrong to feel good about myself..
but i have to be cautious, n put a boundary between us..
so we dun cross the line
thanx to her.. what a feel good word to hear..

well,
when i think back, the problem is lie within the surface. the real problem which is start to crack slowly from inside. i shud prevent it from getting cracks more n more. i need to patch every single hole inside. but i'm tired. i'm tired to become the only person who try to fix every damage. i jez couldn't figure out how i can tag him along, so we can work things out together.

sumtimes..
i really feel broken. but still, pretending am really a strong bitch to face everything alone. but when it come to this matter. when eventually u came wif a pair, but suddenly u'r the only one who trying to make things work. it is just not fair.

God..
help me..
Pleaase..
Guide me.. God..

friends n life

2008-02-28T09:38:00.002+08:00

jiweku still agi berkecamuk tak menentu hale..
but thanx to my gorgeous babes who willing to menadah telinge n mendengar luahan perasaanku n also willing give an absolute advice yg sgt bergune..
thanx babes..

now,
am feeling better..
willing to start my life today as better person..
yeah..!

tapikan..
aku tgh mengantuk tak ingat ni..
adui..
asik ngantuk jek..
tadi smayang subuh.. pas semayang, tgk due jejake kacak tuh cam lena di ulit intan..
aku pun.. uuuii.. best jugak ni kalo sambung tido..
dengan sendirinyer, aku sambung tido balik..
pastuh baru laa kelam kabut bangun nak gi keje.. huh..

am not a morning person..
so, waking up in the morning
is the hardest thing to do every morning in my life
try jugak dulu, bagun awal..
tahan sminggu jek, pastuh berbalik kepade asal..
hampeh.!

camner ar, nak bangun awl erk..
sbenarnye, bagun awl, best ar..
kalo dapat gi jogging lagi sesubuh..
lagi best..
tapi, macam liat gile nak bangun pagi.
kalo subuh. memang smayang subuh dinosour.
ntahla..
taktau laa camner nak buat..
ummm..

in luv

2008-02-26T15:20:00.005+08:00

do u know the feeling of falling in luv..?
umm.. i miss that feeling..
yeah i know.. i still love my husband ok..
but the feeling of falling in luv is tottally different wif being in luv..
yeah it's tru..
coz falling in luv, is the feeling when u start to fall for somebody k..

is not that am falling for somebody else now..
really trying to behave myself now..
but falling in luv really makes me feel like flying in the sky..
buakan nak berjiwang ke ape..
lately aku layan cite jepun ni..
cite budak2 skolah..
tapi klakar nak mampos..
n of coz laa that citer involve cintan-cintun..
it remind me of myself years back..

i luv myself for being admired..
i like when the dude i like having a crush on me..
yeah.. bestnyer..
i like so much when i have some guy frenz that i can talk n kutuk2..
well, i wish i still have 'em as my frenz..
but they'r avoiding me now.. n me myself avoiding em ..
coz am married n already have a kid..

err, macam dah kuar topik laa plak kan..
pedulik lah..
kuar topik..kuar topik laa..

tapi memang, bile tgk citer tuh kan..
aku rase nak jadik teenage balik..
lepak ngank kawan2..
buat keje bodoh..
kutuk2 org..
gile tak bergune ar..
huhuuu~
bestnyer..

nak turn back time..
mustahil laa kan..
tapi.. if only i cud spend sumtimes ngan membe2 ramai2..
best ar gak kan..

huumm..

n citer jepun yg aku tgk tuh..
Hanazakari No Kimitachi E
citer baru.. last year nyer citer..
aku ade 1 whole season..
sape nak tgk.. call aku..
citer nyer klakar habis..
kalo korang penat2 balik kejer..
layan citer ni.. memang ar sgt menggumbirakan hati..
citer die tak logik gile..
psal budak2 boarding skool..
tapi skool yg khas utk dudes yg hot2 sahaje..
n dierang dinilai camner dierang perform every skool event, bukannye ikut dierang nyer mark mase exam..
serius best..
budak2 skolah dalam citer tuh memang kacak2 semuanye..
adalah seronok mencuci mateku bile menonton cerita itu..
weee...

poster nyer..

same ol blog

2008-02-26T09:54:00.002+08:00

am rarely blogging..
coz dah takde idea nak merapu..
well, actually i kinda bored wif this kind of layout..
rase cam nak tukar skin..
tapi malas nak buat keje banyak..
lagi pun takde mase nak buat keje mengarut ni..
hum..

ape nak tulis ni..

my life..

am still not really happy wif my life..
still lotsa justification need to be done..
tapi aku sebenarnye malas nak pikir sume tuh.. bleh tak? aku malas nak pikir..
tapi bile pikir balik membe2 aku yg tgh working hard sekarang..
jeles gak.. i wanna be like 'em..
work hard!

am such a lazy p*g..
arghh..

bad habits die hard..
hohoho!

yeah..

i've been go tru lotsa motivational classes..
n listen to so many talks from success ppl..
but am still..
the same ol me..

huumm..~

really need a strong wind to change..

well..

time to change..

nak tukar skin.

2008-02-19T14:37:00.003+08:00

lamenyer aku tak memblog..
windu ar gak nak blogging..
tapi i takde mase laa.. *cheh!*

seriously, lately cam bz yg teramat sgt..
aku pun tak tau ape yg membuatka aku bz.. tapi rase cam bz..
bz, coz i have to achieve my target this week..
close 4 cases.. *still working on it..*

bz coz my baby, aiman got sick.. *sian gile tgk die.. demam..*
have no choice, have to go to work.. yesterday dah tak keje..
one whole day dok umah jer..
jage budak kecik tuh je.. tapi smlm die cam ok jek..
tapi mlm tadi die tido, jap2 terkejut, bangun nangis, badan panas jer..
huumm.. serba salah..
tanak gi keje ari ni, smlm dah cuti.. terpakse ar bekerja gak..
maybe balik nanti i shud stop n get a toy for him..
buat ubat demam..

bz, sebab tgh letih memikirkan.. patut ke tak patut aku balik kg..
my mom sebok dok bising suh balik mangundi..
malasnyer!!
apelaa government ni, nyusahkan org je..
ape slahnyer kalo biar je org tuh nak mengundi memane je dierang nak..
dah kate tinggal kat kl, ngundi jelaa kat kl..
nyusahkan org je..
kalo buat online vote lagi senang..
masuk no i/c, pastuh vote.. lagi laa ko bleh trace, sape vote sape..
pastuh lagi senang korang nak buat statistic, org mude ramai vote pas ke.. org tue ramai vote umno ke.. org cine ramai mane gi vote dap..
haaa, kan senang sket..
menyenangkan keje aku.. dan utk kebaikan korang gak..
tul tak..

then aku gak bz memikirkan mase depan ku..
still lagi tgh perah otak buat strategi cenggane nak achieve aku nyer life goals..
masalah nye, aku nyer goals pun still lagi dalam keadaan samar..
so aku kene perah otak betull..
pikir ape aku nak..
pastuh pikir ape yg aku kene buat..

di samping itu..
aku bz memikirkan camner nak gi melake wedding pijot ni..
aku kene pegi gak wedding die, sebab die attend aku nyer wedding..
tak kire, aku kene pegi wedding die..

selain itu,
saye jugak tengah memerah otak bagaimana untuk menabung duit saye..
asal dapat gaji jek.. abis..
liiiiciiinnn...
masalahnye..
aku nye income.. oklaa..
aku nyer hutang..tarak..
umah tak kene bayar..
kete tak kene bayar..
kredit kad pun takde..
cume utang ptptipu jek yg ade..
tapi aku takleh nak save..
umm..
camner tuh..
camner arr.. aku nak save duit ni..?

kesimpulannye..
banyak bende nak kene pikir dan kene buat..
oleh yang demikian..
aku sememangnye sgt membizikan diri tengah memikirkan semua perkare-perkare yg perlu di buat, seperti yang tersebut di atas..

huuummm...~

p/s. also bz nak mengempiskan perut..

befday

2008-02-13T11:29:00.002+08:00

yeah!
i forgot bout my befday..
my..my.. my 26th befday..
dem! am i dat old?
gosh.. i shud have another child..
hahhaha..
still dalam proses

my befday last 3 days..
was okey..
still at kg. that day..
so jez makan kek n makan sate at my mum in law house..

so fortunately, me, muminlaw n sisinlaw share the same befday wif me..
see.. no wonder my hubby yg kacak itu marrying me..
obviously i share the same significant traits wif his sis n mum..
walaupun haram aku tak tau ape yg same (except the fact that kiterang sume same tinggi)..
i think becoz we'r sharing the same befday, so absolutely there's sum things we have in common.. tul tak..?

jejaka kacak itu telah menghadiahkan aku seutas swatch yg sgt gorjes..
tetapi, belum pun sempat tanganku yg gebu ini menikmati keindahannyer..
strap swatch yg kononnyer gorjes itu telah rosak.. takde ar rosak, tapi cacat ar..
cam haram..
so smlm aku pegilaa kat swatch shop balik.. ingat bleh switch baru..
sekali die hantar dekat service center, after 2weeks baru leh amik..
wtf! aku tak pakai pun lagi jam tuh..
adalah sgt mengeciwakan..
nak bergambor pun tak sempat..
huh.. swatch sux!

itulaaa ceritera hari jadiku yg ke 26..
the only befday gift i've got..
gile loser
heheh..
ok wat..
at least..
still got one..better than nothing..
hahaha..

so hepi belated befday to me..

am hepi for being i am..

and InsyaAllah..

i wanna work hard n pray hard to be better person..

God Bless us..

plan..plan..planning..

2008-02-13T11:19:00.002+08:00

early this year i've been told so many times..
i have to plan anything i want to achieve for one whole year..
and i'v been thinking of doing that so many times..
but aint doing anything bout it..
and i know..
without planning anything u'll probably got nothing for this year..
as u can see..
there're 2 wish lists at the side box i wish i wud get em..
i still wish i will grab all of em..
but..
i aint plan anything to make wish come true..

yeah..

i shud start to plan my strategies now..
n work harder..

sounds
boring..

the reality is..

i really need to plan n work harder..

yaaa..

work hard

january gone

2008-01-30T14:37:00.000+08:00

tomorrow..
1st month of 2008 already end..
n the february come
the time click faster than i thought
huum..

oklaa, i dun wanna be sad anymore..
i wanna be happy n enjoying life more
n yeah.. everything started to go well, tho this nood i jez scratch my drive wif other car..
arghh! macam mane laa aku terscratch keter tuh
tuhlaa sape suh parking double side
dan oleh kerana, no one was there
n i dun farking know who's the owner..
so, wtf laa kan.. blah jelaa
coz am already have enuf trouble nanti balik umah..
mesti jejaka kacak kat rumah nanti muncung dan seriously membebel cam maknenek..
adui...

biarjelaa..

skarang tgh browsing.. what's the farking hottest song now?
last few weeks dok layan bubbly - colbie caillet
2,3 ari ni layan tattoo - jordan spark (sound's lame.. tapi oklaa..)
tapi ari ni layan lagu lame macy's day parade - green day..
skali skale layan lagu lame, feel ar gak..
for me laa
i can feel the song..
tapi listen to this song maybe demoralized ur soul a bit..
wtf..
layan je..

Green Day Macy's Day Parade

Music Videos And Lyrics On Demand

.: Macy's Day Parade :.
Today's the Macy's Day Parade
The night of the living dead is on its way
With a credit report for duty call
It's a lifetime guarantee
Stuffed in a coffin 10% more free
Red light special at the mausoleum

Give me something that I need
Satisfaction guaranteed to you
What's the consolation prize?
Economy sized dreams of hope

When I was a kid I thought
I wanted all the things that I haven't got
Oh. I learned the hardest way
Then I realized what it took
To tell the difference between
Thieves and crooks
A lesson learned to me and you

Give me something that I need
Satisfaction guaranteed
Because I'm thinking about
A brand new hope
The one I've never known
Cause now I know
It's all that I wanted

What's the consolation prize?
Economy sized dreams of hope
Give me something that I need
Satisfaction guaranteed
Because I'm thinking about
A brand new hope
The one I've never known
And where it goes
And I'm thinking about
The only road
The one I've never known
And where it goes

And I'm thinking about
A brand new hope
The one I've never known
Cause now I know
It's all that I wanted

wheel

2008-01-17T09:55:00.001+08:00

well..
life is like a wheel
u heard that so many time
my life is being very tough lately
it so hard
sumtimes i dunno what am should do
am trying to be very positive.. or at least.. being optimist..
but still it's really hard..

if u guys got tru my blog since years back..
u can see am a bad luck person..
not that am blaming God or what for all the bad things happen to me
only my life always turn bad..
am not blaming anyone
the matter itself come from my own mistake.. my own stupidity..
and my own immature thought..

getting so stress lately.. makes my look unpretty..
seriously..
u'll agree if u look at me now..
zits is over my face..
know what.. 4 last 2 years, my face aint have any zits at all..
now it's over the place..
arghh..!
makes me more stressful..

well..
am trying to pick only on the positive side..
so sooner or later i dun break down..
or giving up..
i jez wanna live happily..
yeah, happily..

now i know what i want for 2008..

being happy!

God bless everybody..

2008

2008-01-02T09:53:00.000+08:00

my 2008 new year started badly..
on new year eve..
i have heated argument wif my husband..
sampai aku lari kluar rumah bawak aiman..
at 12:30 midnite, ppl celebrating new year..
but am bringing my son, driving out of nowhere..
til 2:30am.. am so tired n sgt2 mengantuk, so terpakse balik..

the next day,
thank God, we can clear things up..

i really hope this 2008 bring more happiness, health n wealth to me n my family..
but, since new year eve, it's getting worst..
my love life..
my career path..
my life..
it's getting complicated every each day..
rase cam nak giving up pun ade..
but i ain't loser..
i have to survive for whatever it is..

arghhh!!!!!

still trying to sort things out..
manage everything in proper way,
so it ain't going to mess up..

Lord..

pls gimme strength..

fucking mad

2007-11-30T09:18:00.000+08:00

am fucking mad!
seriously..!

am sick of u!
am tired of being good n loyal.
tired to be the one who jez try to forgive n forget.
tired to be the one who try to make things right.
tired to be the one who pretend everything will be ok

i make u breakfast
i wake u up in the morning
i make luv wif u
i give u a son
i give u my trust
i give u my loyalty
n what i hate most
i luv u Goddem much

but i sick of it
dem tired of everything

i know i shouldn't tell everybody bout what inside, between u n me..
but how i can pretend nothing happen
coz my heart is in fucking hurt now

at first i start to cry over n over
as like i do whenever u hurt me
but from now on
i won't..
i won't cry anymore
i won't cry over such a lame person
u can be that pathetic for ur whole life
but i won't be the same person as u r

for the sake of our child
i'll stuck wif u as long as i cud
coz deep inside, there's still left the luv we have shared b4
after what we have been tru
i dun wanna give up everything jez like that
i still wanna try to work things out
speshly work on my life

u can do what u wanna do
coz am already tired to be hurt
coz broken heart suck up ur desire
desire to move on

i want to move on
move on wif my life
there're lotsa of opportunity lying ahead me
if u wanna share wif me
go on.. wif open arms..
if u dun give a dem.. i dun give a fuck honestly

am a strong woman
i've been tru lotsa obstacles
but am still survive
so, whatever happen to me in my future
i'll survive.. coz am know.. am a survivor

God bless me..

Amiin..

insecurity

2007-11-29T14:20:00.001+08:00

the insecurity really kills me inside out..
am really torn apart jez now..
but thanx to wan rose..
i feel alot better..
u'r rite..
thinking bout the past, makes u doom in..
learn from the mistakes..
n work it out gal..

sing it to me galz..

"go zetty..go zetty..go zetty..go zetty"

yeah..

i luv u babes!!!

muahXXX....~
muahhxxx..~

bored again..

2007-11-27T18:12:00.000+08:00

bored like hell..
tgh tunggu papa nak balik nie..

well,
am always get jealous at other people..
people who have all the smiling pics..
people who have a hepi wonderful life..
people who success..
people who gorgeous..
ergh!!

jelesnyer aku memandang manusie2 itu..
sum people tell me that i've got what other people dun have..
but am also ain't got what other people have..

hopefully, switching my job, am also can switching on the new self of me <---(apakah betul bahasa inggeris yang ku guna pakai ini)
meet mnew people..
making more friends..
maybe become more successful..

hope so..

InsyaAllah..

lately, aku perasan..
aku nyer entry sumer cam berbaur INSECURITY..
maybe ar kot tgh feeling insecure..
bout what?
tak taula..

whatever it is..
am enjoying this song so much lately..

Meredith Brooks Bitch

Music Videos And Lyrics On Demand

.: b.|.t.C.h :.

I hate the world today
You're so good to me
I know but I can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath
Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
Must have been relieved to see
The softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
Chorus:
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

So take me as I am
This may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that
When I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing

Chorus

Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me

Chorus

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

lil bored..

2007-11-23T10:10:00.000+08:00

listen to marie digby singing really makes my mind floating around.. dreaming..

this week office kinda boring..
coz i keep doing the same thing all over again, there's sum problems wif my design file n am still trying to sort out till this day..
except, yeterday, am really have fun at the office..
ayip was here, we watch all the funny stupid youtubes.. watch Pirates of the caribbean at the world's end for the 3rd time.. n trying to sort that farking stupid illustrator.. erghh..
ok, ayip is like a lil brother to me, he's my boss' son ok..
n we r kinda have the same interests alot..
from musics, muvis to gadgets..
even when i introduce him to marie digby, he's then totally crazy over her..
but, becoz he's the boss junior.. he's rarely showing up at the office..

klaa..
coz my mind is already dry out..
i think wanna sooth it wif more of marie digby.. yeeeha..

marie digby

2007-11-22T12:14:00.000+08:00

i jez found this phenomenon youtube babe..
marie digby..

gosh!

she's such a babe..
n her voice.. arghh.. very mencairkan jiwe dan raga..
she's doing lotsa cover song including james morrison: you give me sumthing,
britney: give me, linkin park: what i've done.. n yadaaaa..yadaa..yadaaa..

she's gorgeous.. gorgeous.. n gorgeous..
really in luv wif her voice n her look..

huuumm~

still looking for myself

2007-11-21T09:45:00.000+08:00

well..
got lotsa ideas to crap about..
tapi tak tau nak pick yg mane satu..

wat the hell...

umm..

everymorning, on my way to work..
am always stumble wif chinese grandpa or grandma yang tgh pimpin tangan cucu or tolak stroller baby jejalan pepagi.. so sweet..
n it makes wonder, ade ke the melayu ppl like us, nenek2 or atuk2 yg kuar pepagi bawa cucu jejalan..
tak penah plak aku terserempak..

slalu chinese ar..
aku sdiri tak penah kuar pepagi bawa anak jejalan..
breath the morning breeze..
best nyer..
unless bangun kul 7 nak gi jogging..
tu pun, setahun brape kali je buat cam tuh..
hahahah..

still wondering..
why this chinese always conscious bout their health..
kalo pegi jogging dekat park, pepetang or early morning..
those yg tgh exercises will be 80% Chinese..

like me.. i luv to exercise.. speshly jog..
but am not too conscious bout what am eating..
am really luv junk food.. but, oklaa, i jez eat 'em rarely..
but sweets.. gosh! i luv sweets n choc so much..
takut gak, later on bile dah tue dapat diabetes..
but i can't help myself eating all those junks..
huhu~

i really wanna eat healthily..but i can't..
coz i dun wanna stop myself to eat everything i wanna eat..
rugi tau..
i wanna do yoga..
i wanna jog every morning..
i wanna rock climbing..
i wanna go to gym..
i wanna.. i wanna.. i wanna...
buat jer malas..
useless..

one day..
i'll do all those things..
that's a promise for myself..
i'll do it..
sooner or later..

yeaaah babe, can u feel me..!
yeah..!
wtf!

2007-11-19T11:56:00.000+08:00

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18)

The Bottom Line

Old problems are not back again, no matter what you might think. You can relax.

Old problems can be tricky. On the one hand, you should learn how to forget the past and move on. But on the other hand, if you don't learn your lessons from what has happened already, you are doomed to repeat some unpleasant patterns. The decision about how to tackle past mistakes will be made for you today, when a new opportunity comes along. There will be a time crunch, so you won't have a lot of time to mull it over. Jump ahead and don't look back.

self-image..

2007-11-19T10:29:00.000+08:00

do u have anything that u regret b4?
me?
alot..
but..
buat pe nak piki2 bende yg dah lepas..
when tomorrow come..
today will be gone ferever..
betul tak?

ntahlaa...
lately, i've been thinking alot bout my self.
my self-esteem.. my self-image.. anything that start wif 'self' laa..

do u like the way u r?

do i?

tak taulaa..

do i like the way i am now?

don't know..

honestly..
i've been changed alot for past few years..
maybe am become better person..
not so much, at least better..
i learn to appreciate people more.. speshly people around me..
i learn how to be patient..
i know how to be more greatful..
i learn how to be a good mother..
n alot more..

am trying to live life to the fullest..
but..
i dun know how to live life to the fullest..
i have my-self doubt..
doubt about things i wanna do..
seems like the confident in me, is starting to fade away..
i don't know why..

i wish i'm more confident..
i wish i will work harder..
i wish i can do everything i wanna do..
i wish i can change into a better, nicer person..
i wish i can be more grateful..
i wish all my dreams come true..
i wish i can really live life to the fullest..

well.. there're lotsa things to wish for..
buat wishes memang ar senang..
wish without act.. useless jugak laa kan..
so skarang.. am thinking..
how to act..
to act in good nice way..

i think everybody know..
the least thing we can do..
is pray..
keep praying to God..
coz praying honestly can open up your heart..
so u can see, what kind of path u wanna use to be what u wanna be..
am i right...?

vitamin B

2007-11-16T12:18:00.001+08:00

since my supplement of vitamin B out of stock..
am getting sleepy sepanjang mase
hari2 datang kejer.. mengantuk je keje..
nak buat keje pun tak leh nak focus..
mengantuk ar..

ade this one article sez..
vitamin B6 is good for blood circulation..
it’s kinda an agent to circulate more O2 all over the bod..
no wonder, when u eat more vitamin B. it will boost ur energy..
so babe, if u wanna be energetic all day long..
please take vitamin B.. B complex will b better..

anyone got vitamin B?

new obsession

2007-11-14T10:05:00.000+08:00

last nite, after awhile tak layan AXN..
so bile ter'on' AXN.. tertengoklaa SUPERNATURAL..
n when watch that two dudes..
arrrghhh! hatiku telah menjadi cair serta merta..
dan mereka berdue telah officially menjadi 'OBSESSION' diriku..
tho, SUPERNATURAL jalan citer die takde ar best sgt, tapi oklaa..
tapi bile menatap wajah due jejake kacak itu..
tidak kisahlaa kamu berlakon tidak sehebat mane sekali pun..
dengan menatap wajahmu yang kacak itu sudah cukup mencairkan hatiku..
bengong laa aku ni..

hehe..

alaaa aku bukan obses sangat pun..
saje jek nak menggatal..
tapi memang that 2 dudes amatlaa kacak..

walau ape pun..
di hatiku..
hanya satu yang paling kacak..
siape lagi kalau bukan OMAR FAROUK B. MOHAMAD.. =D
Oh suamiku yang kacak bergaye..
aku cinte pade mu..

anyway..
here a sweet lil dessert untuk tatapan mate para gadis dan ibu2 yang menghargai keindahan..
hohohoho~

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ngantuknyer...

2007-11-13T10:15:00.000+08:00

am feeling vewy2 sleepy..

huaaaarghhh..!

ngantuknyer..
nak kate tido lambat, takde ar lambat..
ari2, before 12 dah ZZZZZZZZZZZ..
nak kate bangun pagi..
kul 7 baru bangun..
tapi still ngantuk..
nape ar..
tapi aku penah terbace this article..
basically, if our body contain more acids..
we'll be feeling sleepy..
weak.. n slalu kencing..
adakah badan ku juga mempunyai lebihan asid yg melampau?
mungkingkah.. ye kot..
maybe i shud get rid all of those toxics in my bod..
i wish i cud have time to excersice.. nanti body leh jadi fit..
baru best sket..
perut pun kempis..
bleh pakai baju cantik2..

ntah laa.. ape aku mengarut ni..
mengantuk ni..

aku dah start buat sit up, dah 1 week..
muscles perut aku dah sakit gile..
takpe..
demi nak cantik..
aku sanggup menahan sakit..
erghh..

dah tak larat dah nak mengarut..
ngantuk..
tak tahan ar..
adios..